short update
short update, haven't felt like typing in a while
Matt and I had a long talk. A loooooooooong talk, almost an all-nighter. I don't think we were ready to bring everything out into the open until two weeks ago (10/5 for personal reference).
I feel a hell of a lot better now. Not completely happy, but very much better than I was feeling. I was totally off the mark. I kept thinking how the hell can you just stop loving someone, but it wasn't lack of love that was the problem, it was more the type of love I guess. First off, I still think he's hot, he never stopped thinking I'm hot; there's nothing wrong with our delight in each others' physical forms (and I didn't realize Matt was so insecure about his looks! I thought that was something only girls had rights to...). It's also not a matter of mistrust or lack of caring; we trust each other to the utmost with life and wallet, and would (and have) walked through fire for each other.
We are one-time lovers, now best friends. I can live with that. I think the only reason this didn't come up sooner is that we were both desperate to move away from our respective parents' houses, knew we couldn't do it alone, trusted each other to do it together, and the whole physical attration plus trust on a level neither of us had ever expirienced previously made us seem destined to be together. That and we were both very reluctant to bring up anything that would cause emotional hurt to the other. Hey, we do have to live with each other still, and there's that whole caring thing too, we don't like hurting our friends.
Go ahead, laugh. After talking about "us", how we fell into "us", and a bunch of other things, I'm positive that it's better for both of us to stay best of friends and roommates than it would be to try to continue being "us". It's not a completely comfy feeling right now, I've been used to something different and change doesn't ever sit well with me, but after talking and thinking about (instead of reacting to) everything, this is better for both of us.
It's just too bad that he's so damned attractive to me still. Oh well, I'll enjoy the looking still. And the sure knowledge that should any future male-friend hurt me, Matt will happily beat them to a bloody pulp if he thinks it will make me feel better. =)
Matt and I had a long talk. A loooooooooong talk, almost an all-nighter. I don't think we were ready to bring everything out into the open until two weeks ago (10/5 for personal reference).
I feel a hell of a lot better now. Not completely happy, but very much better than I was feeling. I was totally off the mark. I kept thinking how the hell can you just stop loving someone, but it wasn't lack of love that was the problem, it was more the type of love I guess. First off, I still think he's hot, he never stopped thinking I'm hot; there's nothing wrong with our delight in each others' physical forms (and I didn't realize Matt was so insecure about his looks! I thought that was something only girls had rights to...). It's also not a matter of mistrust or lack of caring; we trust each other to the utmost with life and wallet, and would (and have) walked through fire for each other.
We are one-time lovers, now best friends. I can live with that. I think the only reason this didn't come up sooner is that we were both desperate to move away from our respective parents' houses, knew we couldn't do it alone, trusted each other to do it together, and the whole physical attration plus trust on a level neither of us had ever expirienced previously made us seem destined to be together. That and we were both very reluctant to bring up anything that would cause emotional hurt to the other. Hey, we do have to live with each other still, and there's that whole caring thing too, we don't like hurting our friends.
Go ahead, laugh. After talking about "us", how we fell into "us", and a bunch of other things, I'm positive that it's better for both of us to stay best of friends and roommates than it would be to try to continue being "us". It's not a completely comfy feeling right now, I've been used to something different and change doesn't ever sit well with me, but after talking and thinking about (instead of reacting to) everything, this is better for both of us.
It's just too bad that he's so damned attractive to me still. Oh well, I'll enjoy the looking still. And the sure knowledge that should any future male-friend hurt me, Matt will happily beat them to a bloody pulp if he thinks it will make me feel better. =)