A Red 40 Summer-A Public Announcment
I seem to fade in and out in this digital world...but I have nothing to hide anymore.
Dustin and I are officially over. Our relationship lost its significance over a month ago. He was very unfaithful. He considered me an idiot or a "stupid bitch" if you will. He believed I remained naive throughout the time we shared. Everyone who knows me, knows that I knew that he was quite a "manwhore" before I moved here. I tried to accept it. All he had to do was be honest with me but he was too proud. In fact, he allowed me to become very good friends with one of his "toys" thinking she would never reveal the truth. Not very clever on his part. He didn't think his friends would ever tell me the truth. I suppose he believed that they would go as low as him. He was wrong. He made a handful of mistakes. He even got physical with me. I left him without hesitation once I had it figured out fully.
During my isolation here, there was really only two people that helped me through my time. LE and his "best friend" Rick. Both of them became very significant to me. I even fell inlove with Rick. I never told him. I denied it. I couldn't even let myself believe it. I was SUPPOSED to be with Dustin, but how could I live the way he wanted me to? How could I live the rest of my life in dishonesty? Even his family lied to me. I've met some amazing people here in Maine. I've made some unforgetable connections. He expected me to let it all go and go back to where I originated(Cincinnati, Ohio). I declined that option.
I never told Rick how I felt. We hardly even touched each other. We never even hit on each other. Sure, we had some unusual moments but nothing ever happened between us physically. Soon after I broke up with Dustin, he broke up with his girlfriend. We decided to be roomates since we both had jobs and were such awesome friends. It seemed logical. After a very shortwhile of living with him, we realized that we shared similar feelings. We've been together since.
Its been everything I've ever wanted. I've never been treated so well. I have all the freedom to be myself. I'm not a trophy to him. I am a woman. I am my own person. I am not to be caged. I have to at least thank Dustin for allowing me to meet him.
My path has deffinitely worked itself out. Things are better now. There are moments that are difficult. I still have to see Dustin everyday at work. It takes all I have not to be sadistic towards him.
I do not owe him any respect but I refuse to be a low person and still treat him as well as I possibly can. I wont deny to anyone what happened between us. If he doesn't like me talking about what happened then maybe he should reconsider his actions. I gave him over 400 to move into a new apartment. He believed that I owed him. I really didn't. He put me in a place where I would but as I said, he put me in that place. I gave him everything I had at the time. I gave him myself. That was a enough. I just wanted him to leave. I let him have things that I bought. He trashed my CDs. I had to deal with his alcoholism and his social life made up with apathetic friendships that I could never relate to. I never did anything to hurt him intetionally.
He doesn't seem to realize that I actually understand him better than most. He will never forget me just as I will never forget him. I owe him nothing but gratitude for my lessons. I am a better person now. I will not deny any truth.
In other news, I even look different. I went from a size 11 to a size 3. I never had weight issues but due to the stress and the phsyical labor at my job, I lost weight rapidly. I look better now I suppose. I'm deffinitelty satisfied with my appearance.
I'm extremely busy for the most part. I hang out with lots of different friends now. I actually get to go out and do things. Fun is not impossible in Maine if you're with the right people.
My new apartment looks very nice. All of my stuff is unpacked. I've had the freedom to decorate however I please and its been great.
I'm back into things that I used to be into. It feels so good.
It seems as if Jen has decided not to be my friend anymore even after I saw past the fact tha she slept with Dustin while he was with me. She didn't know about me I guess so I didn't see how it should matter. Unfortunately, Dustin and his sister threatened her. She's not "allowed" to speak with me. I didn;t think she would fall for that mess but I suppose she has since she has not made an attempt to contact me since out last conversation. Oh well. I'm not allowing that to get me down. Thats not a real friend. Maybe one day things will be different between her and I. Maybe not.
I'm sorry I haven't been around for my friends who are distant in location. I will try to change that. The real Lexx is back.
Dustin and I are officially over. Our relationship lost its significance over a month ago. He was very unfaithful. He considered me an idiot or a "stupid bitch" if you will. He believed I remained naive throughout the time we shared. Everyone who knows me, knows that I knew that he was quite a "manwhore" before I moved here. I tried to accept it. All he had to do was be honest with me but he was too proud. In fact, he allowed me to become very good friends with one of his "toys" thinking she would never reveal the truth. Not very clever on his part. He didn't think his friends would ever tell me the truth. I suppose he believed that they would go as low as him. He was wrong. He made a handful of mistakes. He even got physical with me. I left him without hesitation once I had it figured out fully.
During my isolation here, there was really only two people that helped me through my time. LE and his "best friend" Rick. Both of them became very significant to me. I even fell inlove with Rick. I never told him. I denied it. I couldn't even let myself believe it. I was SUPPOSED to be with Dustin, but how could I live the way he wanted me to? How could I live the rest of my life in dishonesty? Even his family lied to me. I've met some amazing people here in Maine. I've made some unforgetable connections. He expected me to let it all go and go back to where I originated(Cincinnati, Ohio). I declined that option.
I never told Rick how I felt. We hardly even touched each other. We never even hit on each other. Sure, we had some unusual moments but nothing ever happened between us physically. Soon after I broke up with Dustin, he broke up with his girlfriend. We decided to be roomates since we both had jobs and were such awesome friends. It seemed logical. After a very shortwhile of living with him, we realized that we shared similar feelings. We've been together since.
Its been everything I've ever wanted. I've never been treated so well. I have all the freedom to be myself. I'm not a trophy to him. I am a woman. I am my own person. I am not to be caged. I have to at least thank Dustin for allowing me to meet him.
My path has deffinitely worked itself out. Things are better now. There are moments that are difficult. I still have to see Dustin everyday at work. It takes all I have not to be sadistic towards him.
I do not owe him any respect but I refuse to be a low person and still treat him as well as I possibly can. I wont deny to anyone what happened between us. If he doesn't like me talking about what happened then maybe he should reconsider his actions. I gave him over 400 to move into a new apartment. He believed that I owed him. I really didn't. He put me in a place where I would but as I said, he put me in that place. I gave him everything I had at the time. I gave him myself. That was a enough. I just wanted him to leave. I let him have things that I bought. He trashed my CDs. I had to deal with his alcoholism and his social life made up with apathetic friendships that I could never relate to. I never did anything to hurt him intetionally.
He doesn't seem to realize that I actually understand him better than most. He will never forget me just as I will never forget him. I owe him nothing but gratitude for my lessons. I am a better person now. I will not deny any truth.
In other news, I even look different. I went from a size 11 to a size 3. I never had weight issues but due to the stress and the phsyical labor at my job, I lost weight rapidly. I look better now I suppose. I'm deffinitelty satisfied with my appearance.
I'm extremely busy for the most part. I hang out with lots of different friends now. I actually get to go out and do things. Fun is not impossible in Maine if you're with the right people.
My new apartment looks very nice. All of my stuff is unpacked. I've had the freedom to decorate however I please and its been great.
I'm back into things that I used to be into. It feels so good.
It seems as if Jen has decided not to be my friend anymore even after I saw past the fact tha she slept with Dustin while he was with me. She didn't know about me I guess so I didn't see how it should matter. Unfortunately, Dustin and his sister threatened her. She's not "allowed" to speak with me. I didn;t think she would fall for that mess but I suppose she has since she has not made an attempt to contact me since out last conversation. Oh well. I'm not allowing that to get me down. Thats not a real friend. Maybe one day things will be different between her and I. Maybe not.
I'm sorry I haven't been around for my friends who are distant in location. I will try to change that. The real Lexx is back.