(no subject)
Well here's something I haven't done in a while: Post pictures of the Shakedown boys!
It's my low self-esteem. Because I'm always with my in-laws, and my in-laws never have a camera on them, I feel like they're scrutinizing me in a "why the hell are you always taking pictures of them!?" kind of way, which makes me feel that I should wait until they leave before pulling out my camera. And because, for the past few weeks, I've had to leave before them due to having to get up at 5AM for work, I haven't been taking pictures at all. :(
Sooo. My depressive state from last week continued full force into the weekend, to the point that it was giving me nightmares. I was so troubled, I was so disturbed, I was putting waaaay too much thought into it.
But what made it worse was Friday.
Sammy wasn't in a good mood last week. Refer to my post from February 20th. I definitely didn't like seeing him in that kind of mood. It worried me a little. But it was understandable. I'd be irked, too, if I had a late start.
On Friday he still seemed irked. I didn't bother him, waiting for him to finish doing whatever it was that he was doing before getting my hug. Except that Thad's mom got a hug, Thad's dad got a handshake, and Sam looks at Thad. He doesn't look at me. He turns back to Thad's mom, who asked him to move the spotlight that was in her face. He obliges. I figured that he'd be back... He never did. The boys hop on stage and play their first set.
During first set, one of Sam's new (as in only used TWICE) $3000 speakers blows, complete with smoke and a little fire. Heh. So he gets peeved about that. Obviously. So he had to plug everything into one of the bar's speakers, which just sounded like crap. Which peeved him even more.
After set one is done, he tries to fix stuff... I still don't get my hug. It's not a huge deal, except that I love my Sam-Hugs, and he's usually right on top of hugging me within the first instances that he sees me. So I'm a little worried.
I end up going to the bathroom. When I come back, I get elbowed in the gut by some seated woman's exaggerated movements (I understand that the bar was packed, but, seriously, do you HAVE to have the tables that close to one another?!), and stumble into Sam, who was standing by our table. He looks at me and I apologize, and he simply moves out of the way. Even though my brain was telling me to leave him be, I reached out for a hug. I receive a half-hearted hug. I am crushed.
At eleven-thirty, before the boys hop back on stage for set two, I get my hugs in before I'm forced to leave due to getting up at 5AM for work. Sam is standing by Bruce, his back to me. Bruce spots me and reached out for a hug. Sam spots him, and turns to see who Bruce is reaching out to. When he sees me, he doesn't say anything. No "Leaving already?" like every week I leave early. No pout like every week I leave early. After I hug Bruce I turn to him. I get another half-hearted hug. No goodbye. No "Be good." No "drive safe." I wanted to cry. It definitely wasn't like him. It definitely made me feel as if I had somehow done something wrong, unknowingly crossed some sort of line with him.
I had nightmares during the three-and-a-half hours that I slept. At work I definitely was way too depressed and worried to do anything. I told Retha about everything, and she said that she was sure that Sam was just distracted with something else. After all, he buys me drinks and lets me drink his whiskey, and we usually have a good time like friends ought to. I told her that it had crossed my mind, but I still felt that something was horribly wrong, and felt that it was somehow all my fault, but that i was still worrying myself sick over it.
I had gone to Mr. G's to see Rockestra Saturday night. At one point Thad's mom goes "Poor Sam, he was so bummed, yesterday!" I tell her that I noticed that he wasn't himself these past two gigs. Mentally, I was fighting with myself to stop by Chatters and check up on him, because I was telling myself to leave him alone, but I also knew that one more week of what I had just been through was going to drive me mad. I also didn't want to go to Chatters because of the cigarette smoke (Seriously, did they not get the memo that it's illegal?!), and had, just a few hours prior, had a conversation with bassist!Steve about him not wanting me to go see Rockestra, but to go see them, instead. I told him that if he got rid of the smoke, I'd gladly go see them. He said that he would do nothing to contribute to the smoke. I told him that it wasn't good enough. *smirks*
I left Mr. G's just a little before set two ended (after Steve sang my Poison song and Craig sang "Rooooxanne." I love his Sting voice), and made my way to Chatters. I parked next to Bruce, who was sitting in his car with Anne (his girlfriend), escaping the cigarette smoke for their break. Lauri and Bassist!Steve are smoking outside.
"You're late." states Lauri.
"I know." I smirk.
"Heeey, you made it!" says Steve, happily.
"I just can't keep away. I risk my lungs for you guys!"
"It's bad in there." says Lauri. I groan.
"Hey, I'm keeping my promise." says Steve. "I'm not contributing."
"I know..."
Steve proceeds to tell Lauri about our previous conversation as I head inside. The first person I spot is Guitarist!Steve, setting up his vocal tube. I reach out to scratch at his arm and spot Sam standing next to his drums. Sam turns around and looks directly at me as Steve lifts his head to look at me.
"Heey." says Sam, surprised to see me.
I smile and wave to him, and decide to leave him alone. I get my hug from Steve, and go join Anne, who was now sitting at her table. I choose to sit alone at the table by the railing, because the table behind Anne's were smoking like chimneys. Bassist!Steve and Lauri join me on the other side of the railing and we talk for a bit. Sam goes to get something to drink, then comes to stand by my table. He's smiling. I stand up and reluctantly reach out for a hug. I got a real nice hug that time. I felt a little better. He asks me what I'm doing at Chatters (he knows that my in-laws and I hate the smoking). I told him that I had just come back from Mr. G's, and was stopping by for hugs and to ckeck up on him and see if he was okay.
He gave me a quizzical look.
I explain. He tells me what had been bothering him (work/band related), and that he's the kind of person who loses sleep over it. I told him that I was losing sleep over him. He gives me a "why on Earth would you lose sleep over me" kind of look before he smiles sheepishly and apologizes. I get a few more hugs. I feel loads better. We then sit down and talk about anything and everything, from work to drumming to his wife, etc. For a whole half-hour. XD He then has to hop back on stage, so he heads towards the bar. As I somehow kept missing the waitress every time she zoomed by, I asked him to please get the waitress' attention and have her bring me a glass of water. He says okay. He then walks over to the bar, has the waitress get him HIS drink, while he grabs a glass and fills it himself with ice and water for me. Awww! <3333 He hands it to me with a nice smile. I give him a big thank you. And I happily (though my smoke-filled lungs and itchy and stinging eyes disagree) sing along and tap my feet to the beats of their third set.
The boys!
Guitarist!Steve.
Bruce and Sam.
Blurry!Sam.
Guitarist!Steve's guitar. He has a sticker of a lion and Jimi Hendrix.
Bassist!Steve.
Sammy. I *heart* him. So bad.
Bruce and Guitarist!Steve singing together.
I think this is my most favorite picture of Bassist!Steve, ever. I sent him the pictures and wanted to says so, but didn't. Steve sent me a reply in thanks, also mentionning that he really liked the full pic of him. XD He is currently using the picture as his Facebook profile picture. Yay! *grins*
Bassist!Steve's bass.
I also took a picture of my best friend while at Moose MacGregors, like I do every time I'm there.
I did not, however, get my usual pirate/drummer picture. In-laws. Low self-esteem. Yeah. :(
Today I have a million things to do:
-Drive Brandy to work at noon
-Go to Wal-Mart for Jackson-Hewitt
-Go to the bank
-Do laundry
-Depending on how it went at Jackson-Hewitt, return with Thad at 4:30pm
-Pick up Brandy from work at 6PM
-Edit until whenever
I would also like to squeeze in some bellydancing, doumbek, and calling my publishing consultant at some point... Why do I have so much to do on my day off?
Raine
It's my low self-esteem. Because I'm always with my in-laws, and my in-laws never have a camera on them, I feel like they're scrutinizing me in a "why the hell are you always taking pictures of them!?" kind of way, which makes me feel that I should wait until they leave before pulling out my camera. And because, for the past few weeks, I've had to leave before them due to having to get up at 5AM for work, I haven't been taking pictures at all. :(
Sooo. My depressive state from last week continued full force into the weekend, to the point that it was giving me nightmares. I was so troubled, I was so disturbed, I was putting waaaay too much thought into it.
But what made it worse was Friday.
Sammy wasn't in a good mood last week. Refer to my post from February 20th. I definitely didn't like seeing him in that kind of mood. It worried me a little. But it was understandable. I'd be irked, too, if I had a late start.
On Friday he still seemed irked. I didn't bother him, waiting for him to finish doing whatever it was that he was doing before getting my hug. Except that Thad's mom got a hug, Thad's dad got a handshake, and Sam looks at Thad. He doesn't look at me. He turns back to Thad's mom, who asked him to move the spotlight that was in her face. He obliges. I figured that he'd be back... He never did. The boys hop on stage and play their first set.
During first set, one of Sam's new (as in only used TWICE) $3000 speakers blows, complete with smoke and a little fire. Heh. So he gets peeved about that. Obviously. So he had to plug everything into one of the bar's speakers, which just sounded like crap. Which peeved him even more.
After set one is done, he tries to fix stuff... I still don't get my hug. It's not a huge deal, except that I love my Sam-Hugs, and he's usually right on top of hugging me within the first instances that he sees me. So I'm a little worried.
I end up going to the bathroom. When I come back, I get elbowed in the gut by some seated woman's exaggerated movements (I understand that the bar was packed, but, seriously, do you HAVE to have the tables that close to one another?!), and stumble into Sam, who was standing by our table. He looks at me and I apologize, and he simply moves out of the way. Even though my brain was telling me to leave him be, I reached out for a hug. I receive a half-hearted hug. I am crushed.
At eleven-thirty, before the boys hop back on stage for set two, I get my hugs in before I'm forced to leave due to getting up at 5AM for work. Sam is standing by Bruce, his back to me. Bruce spots me and reached out for a hug. Sam spots him, and turns to see who Bruce is reaching out to. When he sees me, he doesn't say anything. No "Leaving already?" like every week I leave early. No pout like every week I leave early. After I hug Bruce I turn to him. I get another half-hearted hug. No goodbye. No "Be good." No "drive safe." I wanted to cry. It definitely wasn't like him. It definitely made me feel as if I had somehow done something wrong, unknowingly crossed some sort of line with him.
I had nightmares during the three-and-a-half hours that I slept. At work I definitely was way too depressed and worried to do anything. I told Retha about everything, and she said that she was sure that Sam was just distracted with something else. After all, he buys me drinks and lets me drink his whiskey, and we usually have a good time like friends ought to. I told her that it had crossed my mind, but I still felt that something was horribly wrong, and felt that it was somehow all my fault, but that i was still worrying myself sick over it.
I had gone to Mr. G's to see Rockestra Saturday night. At one point Thad's mom goes "Poor Sam, he was so bummed, yesterday!" I tell her that I noticed that he wasn't himself these past two gigs. Mentally, I was fighting with myself to stop by Chatters and check up on him, because I was telling myself to leave him alone, but I also knew that one more week of what I had just been through was going to drive me mad. I also didn't want to go to Chatters because of the cigarette smoke (Seriously, did they not get the memo that it's illegal?!), and had, just a few hours prior, had a conversation with bassist!Steve about him not wanting me to go see Rockestra, but to go see them, instead. I told him that if he got rid of the smoke, I'd gladly go see them. He said that he would do nothing to contribute to the smoke. I told him that it wasn't good enough. *smirks*
I left Mr. G's just a little before set two ended (after Steve sang my Poison song and Craig sang "Rooooxanne." I love his Sting voice), and made my way to Chatters. I parked next to Bruce, who was sitting in his car with Anne (his girlfriend), escaping the cigarette smoke for their break. Lauri and Bassist!Steve are smoking outside.
"You're late." states Lauri.
"I know." I smirk.
"Heeey, you made it!" says Steve, happily.
"I just can't keep away. I risk my lungs for you guys!"
"It's bad in there." says Lauri. I groan.
"Hey, I'm keeping my promise." says Steve. "I'm not contributing."
"I know..."
Steve proceeds to tell Lauri about our previous conversation as I head inside. The first person I spot is Guitarist!Steve, setting up his vocal tube. I reach out to scratch at his arm and spot Sam standing next to his drums. Sam turns around and looks directly at me as Steve lifts his head to look at me.
"Heey." says Sam, surprised to see me.
I smile and wave to him, and decide to leave him alone. I get my hug from Steve, and go join Anne, who was now sitting at her table. I choose to sit alone at the table by the railing, because the table behind Anne's were smoking like chimneys. Bassist!Steve and Lauri join me on the other side of the railing and we talk for a bit. Sam goes to get something to drink, then comes to stand by my table. He's smiling. I stand up and reluctantly reach out for a hug. I got a real nice hug that time. I felt a little better. He asks me what I'm doing at Chatters (he knows that my in-laws and I hate the smoking). I told him that I had just come back from Mr. G's, and was stopping by for hugs and to ckeck up on him and see if he was okay.
He gave me a quizzical look.
I explain. He tells me what had been bothering him (work/band related), and that he's the kind of person who loses sleep over it. I told him that I was losing sleep over him. He gives me a "why on Earth would you lose sleep over me" kind of look before he smiles sheepishly and apologizes. I get a few more hugs. I feel loads better. We then sit down and talk about anything and everything, from work to drumming to his wife, etc. For a whole half-hour. XD He then has to hop back on stage, so he heads towards the bar. As I somehow kept missing the waitress every time she zoomed by, I asked him to please get the waitress' attention and have her bring me a glass of water. He says okay. He then walks over to the bar, has the waitress get him HIS drink, while he grabs a glass and fills it himself with ice and water for me. Awww! <3333 He hands it to me with a nice smile. I give him a big thank you. And I happily (though my smoke-filled lungs and itchy and stinging eyes disagree) sing along and tap my feet to the beats of their third set.
The boys!
Guitarist!Steve.
Bruce and Sam.
Blurry!Sam.
Guitarist!Steve's guitar. He has a sticker of a lion and Jimi Hendrix.
Bassist!Steve.
Sammy. I *heart* him. So bad.
Bruce and Guitarist!Steve singing together.
I think this is my most favorite picture of Bassist!Steve, ever. I sent him the pictures and wanted to says so, but didn't. Steve sent me a reply in thanks, also mentionning that he really liked the full pic of him. XD He is currently using the picture as his Facebook profile picture. Yay! *grins*
Bassist!Steve's bass.
I also took a picture of my best friend while at Moose MacGregors, like I do every time I'm there.
I did not, however, get my usual pirate/drummer picture. In-laws. Low self-esteem. Yeah. :(
Today I have a million things to do:
-Drive Brandy to work at noon
-Go to Wal-Mart for Jackson-Hewitt
-Go to the bank
-Do laundry
-Depending on how it went at Jackson-Hewitt, return with Thad at 4:30pm
-Pick up Brandy from work at 6PM
-Edit until whenever
I would also like to squeeze in some bellydancing, doumbek, and calling my publishing consultant at some point... Why do I have so much to do on my day off?
Raine