being me..........
back here at home and posting again. i guess i am doing it here since no one really reads this but hey, it all works.
haven't been on aim lately and might go on later but prolly not. kinda trying to stay away from ppl right now to keep my head straight. i think it was my need to control things to a point, frustration and some OCD that has been screwing me up the last week or so since i found some things out about some friends. i am personaly not thrilled with it, but that isn't going to change a damn thing in the end. and the bottom line is i am only going to get involved if i allow myself to be put in that position. and i intend to not do that. but the main problem is that i have been going out lately and not been having a good time. for about the last month or so it seems that every time i go out something happens. whether i know about it at the time or by the time we leave 'cause it affects when we leave or something like that. and it always manages to kill the mood for me. and these aren't cheap nights either. at least $50-$60 per night.
I am letting myself get caught up in others drama and bullsh*t that i shouldn't be. and i am at this point where i am assuming that something is going to happen when i go out and so i anticipate things that haven't even happened yet and very well might not even occur. so i have decided to not go out for a bit. i have talked to some people and pretty much have things back straight in my head which is good but i have no intentions of going out this week or probably for the next few. i have a lot of things to focus and i am spending too much time, as small as it, obsessing over things that i don't need to. i am being stupid about it and i am purposely doing extra work and studying from former subjects to make sure i am keeping myself busy so i stop worrying about things that will be dealt with in good time.
this i think is my last thing on it. i can honestly say that for the last 2 days or so i haven't thought much about the stuff which is a good sign for me. the only thing i really regret is that i went to the city this weekend with a friend and wasn't really me b/c of this and kinda dragged the mood down a bit. that is really the only thing that i am annoyed about. and i wish i could take it back a bit but it is what it is and obsessing over that is no better than tripping over the other sh*t. so i am writing this to let it all go and just get it off my chest once and for all.
i miss lon. i wanna hang with her. i wanna chill with sara too. maybe i just need a bit of a break from certain friends. i love 'em all, but i miss just totally being myself with all the comments and being able to not act at all. i think i am going to work on that for awhile then. i just want to say the things i want w/o worry or comments. i miss being me.
haven't been on aim lately and might go on later but prolly not. kinda trying to stay away from ppl right now to keep my head straight. i think it was my need to control things to a point, frustration and some OCD that has been screwing me up the last week or so since i found some things out about some friends. i am personaly not thrilled with it, but that isn't going to change a damn thing in the end. and the bottom line is i am only going to get involved if i allow myself to be put in that position. and i intend to not do that. but the main problem is that i have been going out lately and not been having a good time. for about the last month or so it seems that every time i go out something happens. whether i know about it at the time or by the time we leave 'cause it affects when we leave or something like that. and it always manages to kill the mood for me. and these aren't cheap nights either. at least $50-$60 per night.
I am letting myself get caught up in others drama and bullsh*t that i shouldn't be. and i am at this point where i am assuming that something is going to happen when i go out and so i anticipate things that haven't even happened yet and very well might not even occur. so i have decided to not go out for a bit. i have talked to some people and pretty much have things back straight in my head which is good but i have no intentions of going out this week or probably for the next few. i have a lot of things to focus and i am spending too much time, as small as it, obsessing over things that i don't need to. i am being stupid about it and i am purposely doing extra work and studying from former subjects to make sure i am keeping myself busy so i stop worrying about things that will be dealt with in good time.
this i think is my last thing on it. i can honestly say that for the last 2 days or so i haven't thought much about the stuff which is a good sign for me. the only thing i really regret is that i went to the city this weekend with a friend and wasn't really me b/c of this and kinda dragged the mood down a bit. that is really the only thing that i am annoyed about. and i wish i could take it back a bit but it is what it is and obsessing over that is no better than tripping over the other sh*t. so i am writing this to let it all go and just get it off my chest once and for all.
i miss lon. i wanna hang with her. i wanna chill with sara too. maybe i just need a bit of a break from certain friends. i love 'em all, but i miss just totally being myself with all the comments and being able to not act at all. i think i am going to work on that for awhile then. i just want to say the things i want w/o worry or comments. i miss being me.