Confusion
Sometimes I think. Yes I know, thinking, who would have thought? No pun intended. What I am here, in college, isn't necessarily who I will have to be when I go home for Thanksgiving break. I mean as a lost 18 year old I am having enough problems with "identity," but now I just find myself second guessing every step I make. My friends, at home, from high school know me as straight edge, perverted Shahr. The one that knows all about sex but doesn't have it. Yadda yadda yadda. But here I don't know what I am. At home I was so sure of all my choices. I was so sure that my morals were strong etc. And here, don't get me wrong, I definitely have the same strong morals, but I do find myself second guessing myself a lot. Am I missing something? Am I missing out on a great time in my adolescents? I DON'T KNOW!
I Hate this. I don't have any answers and I just can't get used to it. Over time I hop at least have a handle on who I am.
In happier news, My novel is coming along, I am almost half way done with the 40,000 required words by the end of november. I don't know if I will finish it. It is a twisted kind of autobiography. There is no logical truth, and it is from my angle on relationships, etc. so it has probably been embellished, but never consciously. That's is enough though, or anti-thought, for one day.
I Hate this. I don't have any answers and I just can't get used to it. Over time I hop at least have a handle on who I am.
In happier news, My novel is coming along, I am almost half way done with the 40,000 required words by the end of november. I don't know if I will finish it. It is a twisted kind of autobiography. There is no logical truth, and it is from my angle on relationships, etc. so it has probably been embellished, but never consciously. That's is enough though, or anti-thought, for one day.