one two tries - Uruha/Reita - 1/1
Title: one two triesChapters: Oneshot / Drabble
Author: raindigo
Genre: Angst.
Warnings: Breakup.
Rating: G - PG
Pairings/Characters: Uruha/Reita. Past Uruha/? Uruha narrating.
Synopsis: Kouyou's loved for so long, love is drying out.
Comments: Done on a whim, because the world lacks beautiful things, especially today. And this is already halfway to ugly.
one two tries
☺
I've tried to spin you a tale that makes sense, one that leaves you smiling in the end.
I've tried holding your broken pieces above sea-level, tried wrenching all the salt and wounds out.
I've tried to make them crispy and sundry, like they had once been. Like when your smile wasn't crooked at the edges and your world falling apart.
I've tried keeping you close, so close you're inside, so close you can't feel my heartbeat because you are one. I've tried keeping you close but you've already ripped away, torn like wet paper beneath calloused fingertips, the lingering tail note of a piano song.
I've tried loving you.
I've tried. I've tried.
I'm tired. I can't do it anymore.
Wait for me, you beg. Wait for the constellations to come to us, you plead. It's too hard to pave a staircase to heaven, so let's wait for heaven to come to us. It's too hard, reaching up and falling down again and again and again. Our knees are scabbed ankles broken dreams nonexistent love a never-been.
Wait for us to grow wings, then, you whisper. Wait for the wind to pick us up, lead us by the hand like little children. Wait for it to bring us back to dusty soccer fields and chilled lemonade, to when this was only a friendship, a commitment, and not an obligation. A featherweight on our tongues, not a brokenheartweight on our shoulders.
But I've tried. I've tried. I've tried blowing through old toy windmills, hoping it'll grow us wings. I've tried tasting sour dirt, but it's just not the same. We're too far gone down the road to turn back. It's too late to harbor regrets.
You get defensive. You say it's because I haven't forgotten about him. I feel offended--how can you be so preposterous? You're the one I can't forget. You're the one I've burned into the back of my mind, committed to sense memory, you're like a reflex, there's no need to think. Don't belittle yourself. You mean two worlds to me.
So why are you giving up? you ask, and empty questions never lead to answers. You're not even holding your end of the boat anymore. We're going to sink together. You should have learned to swim earlier. I can't do this alone.
I love you so much I can't do it properly. It's my fault we're burning into nothingness. Incense for the dead. It's my fault your dad kicked you out of the house at sixteen, when you told him you were dropping school to follow my dreams. It's my fault you caught pneumonia at fifteen, when you stood under the rain for three hours, trying to find where I was hiding, because I'd run away from home. It's my fault you broke your arm and lost a tooth at fourteen, when you defended me against our homophobic classmates. It's my fault you bruised your leg at thirteen, during soccer practice, when you took the ball for me.
It's my fault you'd never smiled that way until age twelve, when you met me for the first time, when life brought us together.
It's my fault you fell in love with me, half a decade later.
It's my fault we're crumbling apart, seven years into a relationship that isn't going to last. No one taught me to cure delusions.
You say you'll always love me with watery consonants. I can hear the sky cracking in your voice.
I say, me too. Can you hear my ground giving way?
I've tried keeping us alive.
Now I'm trying to let go.
finitto.