When Darkness Fallows Part 2
Title: When Darkness Fallows Part 2
Author: raincoverdleaf
Fandom: SGA
Pairing: John/Evan (Hints at Ronon/Parrish)
Characters: John Sheppard, Evan Lorne, Rodney McKay, Ronon, Teyla, Dr Weir, Chuck, Cadman, Dr. Parrish, Dr Zelenka, Sgt Bates, Dr. Keller, OMC
Word count: 2794
Bata: none
Prompt: My own twisted little mind
Spoilers: Not any I can think of.
Rating/warnings: NC-17/sex and swearing/Slash (male/male) /Angst/ Violence/ Hurt Comfort/ First Time/ Non-Con/ Rape / Cookies/ Jello/ AU
Disclaimer: Not mine. If it were, there would be a lot more lovin' on the show. I’m just playing with them for fun. All I own is a house, car and the love of a good man.
Summary: Cornel Sheppard and Major Lorne go missing in some old off world ruins. In the Pegasus Galaxy bad days just happen.
Notes: Not sure where this came from but it needs to get out of my head hope you like it. I must warn that this fic is kind of dark and some may find it disturbing so read with some caution. This is my first fic and its un_bated (I don’t know any one to bate it for me lol), comments and feedback are great but please be nice. English is a bit of a struggle for me so I’m sorry about some of the grammar and or spelling. I’m kind of a little unsure of some of SGA time lines, not sure if I know it well enough so sorry if some chars are in it that shouldn’t be in it together but I never liked them getting rid of Dr Weir so in this she is still in command of stuff. Thanks to all of the peoples fic’s that inspired me to write something of my own.
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Carson walked in to the infirmary filling somewhat refreshed and headed to the corner they had set up for Major Lorne. He nodded to the nurse and Teyla.
He nodded to Teyla. As he passed in to see Evan, he noticed the tray of untouched food from earlier that morning. He looked over at Evan. The major was propped on one side to try and keep the pressure off his healing back side and his bad shoulder. He had his legs a little drawn up in. Clearly going for the fetal position, but at the same time not wanting it to look that way.
“ Good morning major” Evans eyes moved to look At Carson but he other wise did no other action. “ I need to take a look at you Evan, see how my handy work is doing” Carson tried for a bit of a smile. It always seemed to put people a little more at easy.
Evan nodded his head and went back to starring at the wall. Carson moved around checking the Major over. Keeping his movements slow and steady. But still Evan jumped every time he missed something Carson was doing, or if Carson would touch him.
“ Evan there is something I need to tell you” Carson had worry in his eyes when his and Evans met.
“I told Dr. Weir and the Cornel about your injuries, including the assault” Carson stopped there as Evans heart started to race “ Easy ... easy Evan I only told them about your physical health. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first. But you where out and the where very concerned. I think they needed to know”
Evan relaxed a little his heartbeat slowing back to normal. He looked at Carson, and for the first time there was a glint of the Major Lorne in his eyes and not the broken man there a moment ago. “ The Cornel ... you didn’t... how did he react?”
Carson’s face went soft “ He was so up set the minute I got out that you where... he had to run to the bathroom. He lost his dinner I’m afraid.” Evan seemed both up set at this and to relax at the same time.
“ Evan... You know I took an oath to do no harm” Evan nodded. “ I wont do harm to either of you. But so long as you’re my patient I’ll do my best to take care of you. I want you to remember your all so my friend”
Evan tried to smile “ Thank you Carson... I just need a little time. Everything is a mess in my head. I’m trying to sort it out but with everything hurting it’s just a little hard”
Carson smiled nodding his head. “ No hurry Evan take as much time as you need. But why your in my infirmary you are going to eat” Carson gave him a stern look.
Evan managed a week smile “ I’ll try in just a little bit. I just don’t think I can at the moment.”
Carson nodded his head “ You know when ever any time you want to talk.” Evan nodded his head. “ Oh and there is a list of people that would like to visit when you fill up to it. Teyla is out side standing guard.”
Evan looked concerned for a minute “ Does any one else know, other then Sheppard and Dr. Weir ? “
Carson shook his head “ I haven’t told them. But Teyla, Ronon and Cadman where there when we found you. Ronon as figured it out, and I’m sure Teyla will too and Cadman if she hasn’t” Evan Cut in “ She will sooner or later” Carson smiled “ Ya that’s what I said too”
“ Carson... I really don’t want any one else too know. It’s going to be hard enough with out... I’m a soldier”
Carson shook his head “ I wouldn’t tell another soul Evan. I only told Elizabeth and John because they would have to know sooner or later. I thought it would be easy for me to tell them know then for you to have to do it later. If you had seen there faces I think you would have said it was okay. It’s the only reason I really did it”
Evan silently thought Carson probably was right. “Carson could you give me something to sleep for a little bit. My head is really starting to hurt again.”
“ Sure Evan you just rest for a bit”
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Cornel Sheppard punched the bag as hard as he could for what felt like the 1,000 time in the last two days. He couldn’t seem to shake this filling that he should be kicking the crap out of some one. He couldn’t sleep, Carson wouldn’t let any one in to see or talk to Lorne, and he had to do all the paper work.
Worst of all he knew next to nothing about what had happened on the planet. He found out from lunch with Ronon and Teyla that there had been some kind of collapse in the building. Dr. Weir had sided agents’ sending any more people in to the building or ruins till we could figure out who attacked them and why.
Rodney suspected there had been some kind of an explosion in the room in the building. What he wasn’t sure. Maybe some of Lorne’s C4, or a grenade could even have been the alien device. At this point it didn’t matter to him. What mattered was his memory had not came back, and he couldn’t talk to Lorne.
Sheppard new that Carson knew more then he was letting on. And he knew Weir was keeping something from him. And why couldn’t he talk to Lorne. I had been two days. It was one of his men after all.
He punched the bag harder filling his frustrations grow. “ John you need to stop” He froze and turned to see Teyla standing at the door with a very kind expression on her face. “ You have been in here for a long time, It is... most unusual...”
“I’m fine Teyla I just needed to work off some frustration.”
“ You are not fine. Your hands will need looked at” John had the good grace to grimace a little
“Maybe your right” As he looked at his hands “ I’ll have Keller check them out just to make sure”
“I will walk you to the infirmary.” Teyla let a small smile grace her face as she fallowed John out of the room.
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As john entered the infirmary he slowed at the sound of somewhat hushed voices talking over close to what Rodney called “ his bed”. Teyla had gone to find Ronon after walking him to the infirmary. They where going to have dinner together after he was done here.
So john figured it couldn’t hurt to have a listen considering no one was talking to him any way. He could make out the two voices easy enough it was Dr. Keller and Cadman.
Cadman’s tone was the same as everyone’s of late sad and a little lost. “ The Cornel seems to be really bothered by Lorne getting hurt. It’s kind of funny in a way. Don’t tell any one but Lorne has been doing his best to stay out of the Cornels way for a while now. I suspect its more just one of his men being so injured then the fact its Lorne.”
John felt his anger focus a little. Lorne was avoiding him? Why what had he done? Why was Cadman telling Keller this? John was so surprised and angry he all most missed Keller’s response.
“Believe me, it’s more then that. The Cornel is definitely upset because it’s Lorne. You should have seen his face Cadman. I was the one that had to tell him. You know Lorne is like a Big brother to me. Heck he even had a talk with Rodney over lunch about what would happen if he broke my heart.” Cadman started to laugh a little at that. “ I can just hear how that talk had gone (in her best impersonation of Major Lorne) Rodney... I wanted to talk to you about what would happen if someone fell out of a jumper at high altitude... by the way how are things with Jen? “
John felt him self start to smile hearing Cadman’s somewhat scary accurate impersonation of Evan and the two laughing. Since when was he close to Dr. Keller and talking with Rodney he wondered?
Dr. Keller cleared her throat a little “ Listen Laura you know I cant tell you much. But give the Cornel a bit of a break. I know your Lorne’s best friend here but trust me he is going to need support too.”
John couldn’t help but fill a little touched at Dr. Keller’s concern for him. She seemed to be honestly worried about how he was taking it. And if he was going to be honest, he wasn’t sure how he was taking it, and why he didn’t know was as big of a question as any.
“On the bright Side Carson is thinking of trying to get Lorne to see a few people tomorrow. Just one or two at a time you understand. But I have already placed your name at the top of the list. But I think it will be Dr. Weir and the Cornel first.”
Be fore John knew what he was doing he found him self moving in to view about to ask Dr. Keller what time tomorrow he could see Lorne she and Cadman both jumped.
“ Cornel you scared us half to death ... sir”
“ Sorry Cadman, at ease”
“What can I do for you Cornel?” Dr. Keller asked snapping right in to her normal Dr mode.
John all most sheepishly held up his hands. Dr Keller shook her head “ Here come set down”
Cadman turned to Keller “ I should be going Jen, Sir” John looked at Cadman. “ You don’t have to leave on my account... Unless I was interrupting?”
Cadman shook her head “ No sir just a little girl talk” She smiled at them both as she left.
Keller turned to looking at the Cornels hands “ So was in Ronon in the sparing room, or Teyla with the bento sticks?”
John smirked “The punching bag in the gym.”
“I see, something you wanted to talk about?”
“ I... well...” John let out a gust of air “ I’m filling a little frustrated... I don’t have my memory back... no one knows what happened... people keep looking at me funny... and no one will let me talk to Evan” John finished with his voice kind of raised. He had to good grace to look at Dr. Keller “ I don’t mean to yell... Just ... I have had this bad filling from the moment I woke up... here... and it wont go away”
Dr. Keller having finished with john’s hands. They weren’t to bad a little bruised and he managed to open up some cuts he had from a few days ago. She was a little taken back by the Cornel. It’s probably the first time she has ever heard him sound that way. And it may be their 2nd longs conversation.
“There Cornel. You will need to be more carful or the bruising and cuts wont heal. No more punching, be it bags or Ronon.”
John rubbed his hand a crossed the back of his neck “Thanks doc. I’ll try”
She wasn’t sure why but she stopped the Cornel before leaving “ Cornel, can I ask you something?”
“ Sure”
“ Why do you want to talk to Major Lorne so bad?” She looked right at Sheppard trying to gauge his reaction to the question.
John set for a moment and thought, “ I don’t really know. Maybe its that he could have answers I need, he is my XO and under my command, and ...maybe... I just need to know he is okay. I don’t know why but it has something to do with this filling I can tell”
Dr. Keller could tell how nervous he was. Cornel Sheppard did not do fillings. And she was really surprised to hear him answer the way he had. “ Cornel I would like to take a blood sample, just to run a test. Lorne isn’t the only one that has had trauma.”
John nodded his head and put out his arm.
After Keller got the sample she turned to John, he looked tired “ if you promise to get some food and rest I’ll give you something better then a great job sticker” She smiled.
John gave her a little bit of an amused look “ Okay ... I promise to try”
Keller nodded her head. “ I’m not supposed to say anything... but Carson is going to see about visitors for Lorne tomorrow... I’m going to ask if you can be one of the first ones to see him.”
John jumped up off the bed with a new burst of energy “ that would be great Jennifer. I’m going to get something to eat now and head off to a early night. Let me know in the morning what you here from Carson” He Smiled and headed out of the Infirmary. He could honestly say that for once he felt 100 % better after having gone to the infirmary.
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John work in to the mess hall to get a some food before heading to his quarters. He had a filling Keller would find out if he didn’t.
After getting a small tray of food he went to set with Teyla and Ronon who where talking quietly looking more rested then he had seen them the last few days.
John walked over “ hey guys” Ronon grunted “ Sheppard”
Teyla nodded her head “ How are you hands John? “
“ There fine.” He shrugged and looked a little guilty
Ronon stopped eating for a moment. Which in its self was kind of surprising. “ They would be even better if Weir would let us go back to that planet and find the men that did this to you and Lorne”
Teyla let out a sound of frustration “ You know very well why we can not do that, be sided it is more important that we are here for Major Lorne. He may need our support. I to would like to find who was responsible. But that will not help the Major, or the Cornel”
John found him self nodding his head “ Teyla is right Ronon. What is important right now is that we get Lorne through this. He will be fine with all of us around to take care of things... By the way if your good I may tell you something cool”
Teyla and Ronon both looked at John some relief to see him acting more him self. Teasing was a good sign when talking about the Cornel.
John smirked as they waited patiently “ Keller says that Carson may let Lorne have visitors tomorrow, if he fills up to it. And she is going to have me put at the top of the list. “ John leaned back looking a little to smug for Teyla’s liking. Ronon looked at John for a moment “ I should have helped you with your hands earlier” Teyla smiled “ That is good news john. Per haps we all should find some kind of gift or item Lorne would enjoy during his recovery why he is under Carson’s care. It has always been a tradition among my people when some one is ill to bring a offering for there better health.”
John perked up even more. He loved gifts, and finding one for Evan was just what he needed to keep him busy in the morning till he could go for a visit and the perfect excuse to not do paper work. “ I think I’m going to turn in for the night. I want to get up early and have everything done by the late morning” Ronon nodded his head “ See ya latter Sheppard, I’m going to go check on Dr. Parrish ... Let him know the good news”
Teyla stood up “ I will walk you back to your quarters John”
They set off in a comfortable silence.
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The next morning John woke from a strange dream exhausted and covered in sweat. He wasn’t sure exactly what had been going on. But he remembered there was screaming, and he was fighting something with every ounce of his strength.
He quickly threw of the shaky filling and jumped in the shower. He had better things to do this morning then lay in bed trying to figure out what kind of a weird nightmare he was having now.
After taking his morning run/work out with Ronon, being very mindful of his hurt hands, which had been nowhere near this bad last night. He showered and shaved and was off to the office spending a little time taking care of things that couldn’t wait till tomorrow. Why working on a few things Cadman had came buy to try and help with a few tasks. John looked up from his screen and cleared his throat to get her attention “ Say lieutenant, if you where going to get some one a gift... say... Major Lorne...” Cadman set for a moment in surprise then started to think. “Well I’m not sure what the Major would like. I know he would probably love his sketchpad or the book he is currently reading. He doesn’t do well with not being able to do stuff.” She smiled at the Cornel. “ Thanks Cadman I owe you some ... extra C4... or something. I need to go and check on a few things”
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John entered Evan’s quarters filling a little out of place. It wasn’t that different then johns’. A little bigger and faced another side of the city then his. He wasn’t sure what it was, but the moment you walked in, you could tell it was Evan’s.
As he looked around he made up his mind he liked it. It wasn’t any one thing the photo on his Desk. John walked over and looked at it. It had Evan standing with a group of people some place out side. It was sunny and every one was smiling. The picture couldn’t be that old, Evan looked the same in the photo as he did most days John would see him. He guessed the older lady with the long brown hair was Evans mom. She had his smile.
John set the photo back down, “ What am I doing, Sketch pad and book right” and went about finding the book (it was on the night stand next to Evans bed , which funny enough was bigger then johns too). John found the sketch book and picked it up then looked around “ Dam, I didn’t think to ask why he would need to draw with” John settled on some of the pencils that where right next to there the book had been resting.
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John came in to the infirmary with his bounty of items in hand to check in with Dr Keller and Carson. He slowed down a little when he could see Carson and Keller talking about something kind of adamantly over close to Carson’s office. He squished down a little anxiety that it could be something to do with Lorne and decided to weight rather then interrupt.
While weighting he wondered how hard learning to read lips would be. After only a few minutes of standing around Dr Keller noticed John. Her and Carson came over. Keller had a look John couldn’t read. But his mind was screaming that something was wrong.
Carson looked at John’s for a moment “ I’m glad to see yeh C’nel we where just talking about some test we ran on yer blood work last night, But I’m guessing that’s not why yer here tho”
“Well Dr Keller tells me there is a chance I may get to see Lorne to day so I was hoping to see how is was doing and if he could have a visitor” Johns tone a mix of happy hopeful, and guarded for bad news all at the same time.
Carson took a bit of a breath “ I’m Sorry C’nel but he is sleeping at the moment. The visit from Dr Weir took a lot out of him... I could let you....” Carson stopped when he saw the look on John’s face
John wasn’t sure if it was possible. He would have to ask Rodney later, but he was sure the room’s temperature had dropped 15 degrees in less then a sec. He felt cold and tired all of the sudden, and yes a bit of anger too. His good mood from a few minutes ago, gone in a puff of smoke, leaving only the frustrated anger in its wake.
As John was getting ready to turn and leave, his head lowering just enough for any one that knew him to know he was very disappointed. But Carson stopped him by stepping to the side “ John, you could set and keep him company for a bit if you promises not to wake him. He still needs a lot of rest. And with all the injury’s it’s hard for him to get. He will probably wake up soon. Plus I would like to take another blood sample from you and again in a few hours. I don’t like some of the things we are seeing, that chemical may still be doing something to your system.
John smiled “ Sure doc what ever you need” as long as he got to see Lorne it was just fine.
After getting the samples Carson took John in to see Lorne. John noticed that Carson left the entrance open so that the Nurses and he could see everything that was going on in the room, but it was still privet from the rest of the infirmary.
Carson quietly spoke to the Cornel “ you should sit over here. I don’t know if you have ever been around some one after something like this C’nel. You will want to keep a bit of distance, any movements should be slow and steady. Your hands need to try and stay where Lorne can see them. He has been very easily startled and. If you like I could bring you some information on how to help some one that’s had this kind of trauma?”
John just stared at Evan. “That would be great Carson, Thanks” He set down the items in his hand on a little table next to the chair then lowered him self in to the chair. It took him a few minutes to get comfortable.
John spent he next several minutes looking at the parts of even he could see over the blanket. Evan’s face with the bruises on the side, the bandage on his neck, the arm in a sling. John had to look away for a few moments as he felt the anger building again.
John wasn’t sure how long he set there looking off to the side watching Evan out of the corners of his eyes. All of the sudden a sound, some kind of a strangled gasp pulled John from his thoughts. He expected to see even having a nightmare, but no his eyes where open, wide awake. John had never seen Evan, up set, scared, or anything other then ... well Evan. But he didn’t need the sound of Evans heart monitor speeding up to tell him even was all that and more. Remembering what Carson had said he raised his hands slowly and tried to talk. “ It’s okay Lorne, Its just me Cornel Sheppard, your on Atlantis and safe.” John stopped talking when the alarm on Evans equipment went off and Carson came running in with a nurse and Lieutenant Wilson who he didn’t remember seeing in the infirmary earlier
Carson was putting something in Evans IV and talking to him “ Its okay Evan your safe nothings going to happen. I’m sorry for the surprise I didn’t think you would wake up so soon. C’nel could you give us a moment.” John nodded his head and stepped out side.
He needed a moment to think. Why was Evan so upset, and his talking just made it worse. Maybe he just was jumpy at sound of any kind. And since when did Carson call Major Lorne Evan?
John stood for a few minutes not sure if he should leave and come back later or what to do. He could hear hushed voices of Carson and Evan but was un able to tell what they where talking about. The nurse and Wilson had come back out of the room. He fallowed her over to the workstation and was talking quietly to her why she was doing something. I wonder if they’re dating.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when Carson stepped out. He turned to the good doc “ Should I go?” Carson shook his head. “ No I think it would be best if you stayed for a while C’nel” He nodded his head “ I don’t want to upset him Carson.” Carson smiled a little “ Its all right he is better now, just surprised him to wake up in a room with another person there” John noticed something in Carson’s eye when he said that. And he was sure that this wasn’t the first time in the last few days he had seen it. “ I should have waited till he was awake so I could have warned him, but its okay now you can go back in, ill be right here in my office if he needs anything.” Carson mad a motion for John to go back in
John very slowly walked back in to the room. Evan was watching the door looking very apprehensive. John walked to his chair and the table and then looked at Evan.
“Hi”
“Hi... sir”
“ Lorne if your not up to visitors I can come back later”
“No its okay... just surprised me a little... I’m kind of jump... sorry sir”
John felt his nerves easy a little and he tried a soft smile “ And here I was worried it was just my hair” Evan managed just a hint of a smile.
John smirked “ I got you a present and a few things.” John decided to pick up the sketchpad, pencils and book lifting and holding them up to show even. John didn’t miss how his eyes lit up just a bit. “ Hope you don’t mind me going and picking them up. But Cadman and I where talking and we thought you would like them”
Evan found him self surprised that he in fact didn’t mind “ No that’s grate... thanks”
John smiled at him “ And I all so got you this” Moving slowly and holding out his hands he walked to put something on the table close to Evans bed. “ A cookie, some chocolate, and jell-o... I wasn’t sure about bringing milk, I didn’t know when I would get to see you” John suddenly felt his ears burning a little and put his hand on the back of his neck ad he walked back over to the chair.
Evan started to smile but stopped and winced as it pulled bruised skin. He didn’t miss how the Cornel had winced at the same moment seeing it. Carson had been right this was good for him. It was kind of normal, maybe even better then normal. He still couldn’t help filling jumpy.
“ So you and Cadman talked sir?” Evan tried for a light tone.
“ Just a little, she has been worried, heck every one has been... are you... okay” John watched Evan closely.
“ Every one keeps asking me that”
“Sorry, I... it’s just you where... hurt pretty bad ... and I don’t know if any one told you... but I can’t remember anything... and I know you probably don’t want to talk about it know, or maybe ever but... I was kind of hoping you would want to maybe tell me anything you could.” The last of the words coming out in a nervous rush of breathe.
Evan was kind of surprised to see the Cornel acting so strange. He seemed genuinely concerned. He was acting as if it was Rodney or Teyla in this bed and not his XO. Not knowing what to think of the sudden change in how the Cornel was talking to him he just nodded his head and heard his voice say “ Sure we can talk about it... I mean if it you help...sir”
John wasn’t sure why, but every time Evan called him sir right now he felt just a little bit sad “ It would... Help me at least I mean... But only if your sure...we can stop at any time or... what do you remember from the time we walked in to the building. “
Evan just nodded his head and turned to look away from the Cornel. He had thought for days about what he was going to say. He thought back to something his mom had said one day when he was young. She was paining in her workroom. “ Painting is about the truth, the truth how you see it in the world. It’s not about making a picture. It’s about showing how you see the world. We all see our own truth in things. A painting is one of the few ways we have to share that with some one else to let them see through are eyes.” So that’s what Evan had decided to do. Tell Weir and the Cornel the truth... at least as he wanted to see it.
He looked up realizing he had been quite for a while. The Cornel was just setting there quite and patient. The very picture of concerned.
“ We walked in to the building, and went in to a room at the back. All the other rooms where empty. There was a device on the wall. It looked like the one McKay had been working on. But something was different about it. I don’t really know what happened then, its kind of fuzzy. There was some kind of explosion. I don’t remember why or what... something having to do with the device. I remember having to tear of my tack vest and holster cause they where melting on fire.” He took a breath before going to the next part.
“Something cut my arm and leg, I think you where hit in the head” He looked up to where John had the bruise and cut . “ Then we where running. Me in front and you right behind me” He stopped to take another breath. John was looking at him more and more concerned like he was going to say something. Was he starting to remember something?
“I don’t remember much else after that. We must have been separated, I remember falling, something hitting me in the head, and then waking up here.” John looked at Evan “ It’s okay Evan you don’t have to talk about it any more... Thanks... We will figure out the rest later if you want. Why don’t you just get some rest”
John set there for a while in silence watching Evans heart monitor slow back down to normal. Evan’s eyes had closed but he wasn’t asleep at least he was resting in some way. He was filling better, but now he was worried. Evan had a look in his eyes when he was telling me what happened. Especially the last bit. It gave him the same bad filling he had when talking to Carson earlier. There was something different about it then Carson’s look. But it was some how the same.
John noticed Evan open a eye to see if he was still there for the 2nd time in a few minutes and he made contact with his eyes “ Evan... I’m going to go let Teyla, Ronon and Cadman know how you’re doing... If you fill up to it I’m sure they would like to come buy and see you later, But you should get some more rest first.. Don’t worry about telling them... you know the planet ... and stuff... I’ll take care of telling them what you told me... the rest they don’t need to know ... unless you want to ... you know talk ... about it.”
Evan nodded his head and gave the closest thing to a smile he could manage “ Thanks sir” John just looked at Evan for a moment the sadness when he heard the sir showing for just a moment before he smiled “ Just take care of your self” John turned to walk out. He stopped just out side the door took a 2nd glance in to the room silently adding, “ Because I obviously cant”. He walked out of the infirmary with his head lowered and not saying a word to anyone. Filling for the entire world like he had failed.
Evan set there looking at where the Cornel had been standing just moments ago. Trying to figure out the look that had crossed the Cornels Face. It looked sad, and upset ... but not in the agree way he was used to seeing. Like when the Cornel wasn’t able to save some one, a town or village from the wraith. It was more how he looked after they lost Ford. In the late hours when the Cornel didn’t know any one was around to see it. He would stand on a balcony, or be in the mess hall. That same look. Did this mean that he didn’t dislike Evan, that he may in fact even like him... or think of him like he did Ford.
Why is he always finding fault with everything I do? Dressing me down in front of other people. Talking like I’m not even in the room, or setting at the table.
Evan set for a while thinking when Carson came in and asked, “ How are you doing Evan?”
“ I’m fine Carson” Evan responded looking anything but okay.
Carson looked at Evan. “ What did you tell the C’nel?”
“ Same thing I told you and Dr. Weir”
“ I see , but you didn’t tell him what you didn’t have to tell me and Elizabeth did you?”
“ NO, ... I didn’t... He cant know Carson... ever... he doesn’t need to know. He doesn’t remember it and I don’t want him too.”
“ Okay Evan, but just think of one thing... What id he does remember at some point what he’s seen? What then? I think if its ever going to be fixed he needs to know at least as much as I do”
“ I don’t know what he would do, ... And I don’t know if it can ever be fixed”
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There is still more to come. Not sure how long this fic will end up being. So if you like it check back for updates. Kind of posting as I go.
Author: raincoverdleaf
Fandom: SGA
Pairing: John/Evan (Hints at Ronon/Parrish)
Characters: John Sheppard, Evan Lorne, Rodney McKay, Ronon, Teyla, Dr Weir, Chuck, Cadman, Dr. Parrish, Dr Zelenka, Sgt Bates, Dr. Keller, OMC
Word count: 2794
Bata: none
Prompt: My own twisted little mind
Spoilers: Not any I can think of.
Rating/warnings: NC-17/sex and swearing/Slash (male/male) /Angst/ Violence/ Hurt Comfort/ First Time/ Non-Con/ Rape / Cookies/ Jello/ AU
Disclaimer: Not mine. If it were, there would be a lot more lovin' on the show. I’m just playing with them for fun. All I own is a house, car and the love of a good man.
Summary: Cornel Sheppard and Major Lorne go missing in some old off world ruins. In the Pegasus Galaxy bad days just happen.
Notes: Not sure where this came from but it needs to get out of my head hope you like it. I must warn that this fic is kind of dark and some may find it disturbing so read with some caution. This is my first fic and its un_bated (I don’t know any one to bate it for me lol), comments and feedback are great but please be nice. English is a bit of a struggle for me so I’m sorry about some of the grammar and or spelling. I’m kind of a little unsure of some of SGA time lines, not sure if I know it well enough so sorry if some chars are in it that shouldn’t be in it together but I never liked them getting rid of Dr Weir so in this she is still in command of stuff. Thanks to all of the peoples fic’s that inspired me to write something of my own.
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Carson walked in to the infirmary filling somewhat refreshed and headed to the corner they had set up for Major Lorne. He nodded to the nurse and Teyla.
He nodded to Teyla. As he passed in to see Evan, he noticed the tray of untouched food from earlier that morning. He looked over at Evan. The major was propped on one side to try and keep the pressure off his healing back side and his bad shoulder. He had his legs a little drawn up in. Clearly going for the fetal position, but at the same time not wanting it to look that way.
“ Good morning major” Evans eyes moved to look At Carson but he other wise did no other action. “ I need to take a look at you Evan, see how my handy work is doing” Carson tried for a bit of a smile. It always seemed to put people a little more at easy.
Evan nodded his head and went back to starring at the wall. Carson moved around checking the Major over. Keeping his movements slow and steady. But still Evan jumped every time he missed something Carson was doing, or if Carson would touch him.
“ Evan there is something I need to tell you” Carson had worry in his eyes when his and Evans met.
“I told Dr. Weir and the Cornel about your injuries, including the assault” Carson stopped there as Evans heart started to race “ Easy ... easy Evan I only told them about your physical health. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first. But you where out and the where very concerned. I think they needed to know”
Evan relaxed a little his heartbeat slowing back to normal. He looked at Carson, and for the first time there was a glint of the Major Lorne in his eyes and not the broken man there a moment ago. “ The Cornel ... you didn’t... how did he react?”
Carson’s face went soft “ He was so up set the minute I got out that you where... he had to run to the bathroom. He lost his dinner I’m afraid.” Evan seemed both up set at this and to relax at the same time.
“ Evan... You know I took an oath to do no harm” Evan nodded. “ I wont do harm to either of you. But so long as you’re my patient I’ll do my best to take care of you. I want you to remember your all so my friend”
Evan tried to smile “ Thank you Carson... I just need a little time. Everything is a mess in my head. I’m trying to sort it out but with everything hurting it’s just a little hard”
Carson smiled nodding his head. “ No hurry Evan take as much time as you need. But why your in my infirmary you are going to eat” Carson gave him a stern look.
Evan managed a week smile “ I’ll try in just a little bit. I just don’t think I can at the moment.”
Carson nodded his head “ You know when ever any time you want to talk.” Evan nodded his head. “ Oh and there is a list of people that would like to visit when you fill up to it. Teyla is out side standing guard.”
Evan looked concerned for a minute “ Does any one else know, other then Sheppard and Dr. Weir ? “
Carson shook his head “ I haven’t told them. But Teyla, Ronon and Cadman where there when we found you. Ronon as figured it out, and I’m sure Teyla will too and Cadman if she hasn’t” Evan Cut in “ She will sooner or later” Carson smiled “ Ya that’s what I said too”
“ Carson... I really don’t want any one else too know. It’s going to be hard enough with out... I’m a soldier”
Carson shook his head “ I wouldn’t tell another soul Evan. I only told Elizabeth and John because they would have to know sooner or later. I thought it would be easy for me to tell them know then for you to have to do it later. If you had seen there faces I think you would have said it was okay. It’s the only reason I really did it”
Evan silently thought Carson probably was right. “Carson could you give me something to sleep for a little bit. My head is really starting to hurt again.”
“ Sure Evan you just rest for a bit”
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Cornel Sheppard punched the bag as hard as he could for what felt like the 1,000 time in the last two days. He couldn’t seem to shake this filling that he should be kicking the crap out of some one. He couldn’t sleep, Carson wouldn’t let any one in to see or talk to Lorne, and he had to do all the paper work.
Worst of all he knew next to nothing about what had happened on the planet. He found out from lunch with Ronon and Teyla that there had been some kind of collapse in the building. Dr. Weir had sided agents’ sending any more people in to the building or ruins till we could figure out who attacked them and why.
Rodney suspected there had been some kind of an explosion in the room in the building. What he wasn’t sure. Maybe some of Lorne’s C4, or a grenade could even have been the alien device. At this point it didn’t matter to him. What mattered was his memory had not came back, and he couldn’t talk to Lorne.
Sheppard new that Carson knew more then he was letting on. And he knew Weir was keeping something from him. And why couldn’t he talk to Lorne. I had been two days. It was one of his men after all.
He punched the bag harder filling his frustrations grow. “ John you need to stop” He froze and turned to see Teyla standing at the door with a very kind expression on her face. “ You have been in here for a long time, It is... most unusual...”
“I’m fine Teyla I just needed to work off some frustration.”
“ You are not fine. Your hands will need looked at” John had the good grace to grimace a little
“Maybe your right” As he looked at his hands “ I’ll have Keller check them out just to make sure”
“I will walk you to the infirmary.” Teyla let a small smile grace her face as she fallowed John out of the room.
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As john entered the infirmary he slowed at the sound of somewhat hushed voices talking over close to what Rodney called “ his bed”. Teyla had gone to find Ronon after walking him to the infirmary. They where going to have dinner together after he was done here.
So john figured it couldn’t hurt to have a listen considering no one was talking to him any way. He could make out the two voices easy enough it was Dr. Keller and Cadman.
Cadman’s tone was the same as everyone’s of late sad and a little lost. “ The Cornel seems to be really bothered by Lorne getting hurt. It’s kind of funny in a way. Don’t tell any one but Lorne has been doing his best to stay out of the Cornels way for a while now. I suspect its more just one of his men being so injured then the fact its Lorne.”
John felt his anger focus a little. Lorne was avoiding him? Why what had he done? Why was Cadman telling Keller this? John was so surprised and angry he all most missed Keller’s response.
“Believe me, it’s more then that. The Cornel is definitely upset because it’s Lorne. You should have seen his face Cadman. I was the one that had to tell him. You know Lorne is like a Big brother to me. Heck he even had a talk with Rodney over lunch about what would happen if he broke my heart.” Cadman started to laugh a little at that. “ I can just hear how that talk had gone (in her best impersonation of Major Lorne) Rodney... I wanted to talk to you about what would happen if someone fell out of a jumper at high altitude... by the way how are things with Jen? “
John felt him self start to smile hearing Cadman’s somewhat scary accurate impersonation of Evan and the two laughing. Since when was he close to Dr. Keller and talking with Rodney he wondered?
Dr. Keller cleared her throat a little “ Listen Laura you know I cant tell you much. But give the Cornel a bit of a break. I know your Lorne’s best friend here but trust me he is going to need support too.”
John couldn’t help but fill a little touched at Dr. Keller’s concern for him. She seemed to be honestly worried about how he was taking it. And if he was going to be honest, he wasn’t sure how he was taking it, and why he didn’t know was as big of a question as any.
“On the bright Side Carson is thinking of trying to get Lorne to see a few people tomorrow. Just one or two at a time you understand. But I have already placed your name at the top of the list. But I think it will be Dr. Weir and the Cornel first.”
Be fore John knew what he was doing he found him self moving in to view about to ask Dr. Keller what time tomorrow he could see Lorne she and Cadman both jumped.
“ Cornel you scared us half to death ... sir”
“ Sorry Cadman, at ease”
“What can I do for you Cornel?” Dr. Keller asked snapping right in to her normal Dr mode.
John all most sheepishly held up his hands. Dr Keller shook her head “ Here come set down”
Cadman turned to Keller “ I should be going Jen, Sir” John looked at Cadman. “ You don’t have to leave on my account... Unless I was interrupting?”
Cadman shook her head “ No sir just a little girl talk” She smiled at them both as she left.
Keller turned to looking at the Cornels hands “ So was in Ronon in the sparing room, or Teyla with the bento sticks?”
John smirked “The punching bag in the gym.”
“I see, something you wanted to talk about?”
“ I... well...” John let out a gust of air “ I’m filling a little frustrated... I don’t have my memory back... no one knows what happened... people keep looking at me funny... and no one will let me talk to Evan” John finished with his voice kind of raised. He had to good grace to look at Dr. Keller “ I don’t mean to yell... Just ... I have had this bad filling from the moment I woke up... here... and it wont go away”
Dr. Keller having finished with john’s hands. They weren’t to bad a little bruised and he managed to open up some cuts he had from a few days ago. She was a little taken back by the Cornel. It’s probably the first time she has ever heard him sound that way. And it may be their 2nd longs conversation.
“There Cornel. You will need to be more carful or the bruising and cuts wont heal. No more punching, be it bags or Ronon.”
John rubbed his hand a crossed the back of his neck “Thanks doc. I’ll try”
She wasn’t sure why but she stopped the Cornel before leaving “ Cornel, can I ask you something?”
“ Sure”
“ Why do you want to talk to Major Lorne so bad?” She looked right at Sheppard trying to gauge his reaction to the question.
John set for a moment and thought, “ I don’t really know. Maybe its that he could have answers I need, he is my XO and under my command, and ...maybe... I just need to know he is okay. I don’t know why but it has something to do with this filling I can tell”
Dr. Keller could tell how nervous he was. Cornel Sheppard did not do fillings. And she was really surprised to hear him answer the way he had. “ Cornel I would like to take a blood sample, just to run a test. Lorne isn’t the only one that has had trauma.”
John nodded his head and put out his arm.
After Keller got the sample she turned to John, he looked tired “ if you promise to get some food and rest I’ll give you something better then a great job sticker” She smiled.
John gave her a little bit of an amused look “ Okay ... I promise to try”
Keller nodded her head. “ I’m not supposed to say anything... but Carson is going to see about visitors for Lorne tomorrow... I’m going to ask if you can be one of the first ones to see him.”
John jumped up off the bed with a new burst of energy “ that would be great Jennifer. I’m going to get something to eat now and head off to a early night. Let me know in the morning what you here from Carson” He Smiled and headed out of the Infirmary. He could honestly say that for once he felt 100 % better after having gone to the infirmary.
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John work in to the mess hall to get a some food before heading to his quarters. He had a filling Keller would find out if he didn’t.
After getting a small tray of food he went to set with Teyla and Ronon who where talking quietly looking more rested then he had seen them the last few days.
John walked over “ hey guys” Ronon grunted “ Sheppard”
Teyla nodded her head “ How are you hands John? “
“ There fine.” He shrugged and looked a little guilty
Ronon stopped eating for a moment. Which in its self was kind of surprising. “ They would be even better if Weir would let us go back to that planet and find the men that did this to you and Lorne”
Teyla let out a sound of frustration “ You know very well why we can not do that, be sided it is more important that we are here for Major Lorne. He may need our support. I to would like to find who was responsible. But that will not help the Major, or the Cornel”
John found him self nodding his head “ Teyla is right Ronon. What is important right now is that we get Lorne through this. He will be fine with all of us around to take care of things... By the way if your good I may tell you something cool”
Teyla and Ronon both looked at John some relief to see him acting more him self. Teasing was a good sign when talking about the Cornel.
John smirked as they waited patiently “ Keller says that Carson may let Lorne have visitors tomorrow, if he fills up to it. And she is going to have me put at the top of the list. “ John leaned back looking a little to smug for Teyla’s liking. Ronon looked at John for a moment “ I should have helped you with your hands earlier” Teyla smiled “ That is good news john. Per haps we all should find some kind of gift or item Lorne would enjoy during his recovery why he is under Carson’s care. It has always been a tradition among my people when some one is ill to bring a offering for there better health.”
John perked up even more. He loved gifts, and finding one for Evan was just what he needed to keep him busy in the morning till he could go for a visit and the perfect excuse to not do paper work. “ I think I’m going to turn in for the night. I want to get up early and have everything done by the late morning” Ronon nodded his head “ See ya latter Sheppard, I’m going to go check on Dr. Parrish ... Let him know the good news”
Teyla stood up “ I will walk you back to your quarters John”
They set off in a comfortable silence.
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The next morning John woke from a strange dream exhausted and covered in sweat. He wasn’t sure exactly what had been going on. But he remembered there was screaming, and he was fighting something with every ounce of his strength.
He quickly threw of the shaky filling and jumped in the shower. He had better things to do this morning then lay in bed trying to figure out what kind of a weird nightmare he was having now.
After taking his morning run/work out with Ronon, being very mindful of his hurt hands, which had been nowhere near this bad last night. He showered and shaved and was off to the office spending a little time taking care of things that couldn’t wait till tomorrow. Why working on a few things Cadman had came buy to try and help with a few tasks. John looked up from his screen and cleared his throat to get her attention “ Say lieutenant, if you where going to get some one a gift... say... Major Lorne...” Cadman set for a moment in surprise then started to think. “Well I’m not sure what the Major would like. I know he would probably love his sketchpad or the book he is currently reading. He doesn’t do well with not being able to do stuff.” She smiled at the Cornel. “ Thanks Cadman I owe you some ... extra C4... or something. I need to go and check on a few things”
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John entered Evan’s quarters filling a little out of place. It wasn’t that different then johns’. A little bigger and faced another side of the city then his. He wasn’t sure what it was, but the moment you walked in, you could tell it was Evan’s.
As he looked around he made up his mind he liked it. It wasn’t any one thing the photo on his Desk. John walked over and looked at it. It had Evan standing with a group of people some place out side. It was sunny and every one was smiling. The picture couldn’t be that old, Evan looked the same in the photo as he did most days John would see him. He guessed the older lady with the long brown hair was Evans mom. She had his smile.
John set the photo back down, “ What am I doing, Sketch pad and book right” and went about finding the book (it was on the night stand next to Evans bed , which funny enough was bigger then johns too). John found the sketch book and picked it up then looked around “ Dam, I didn’t think to ask why he would need to draw with” John settled on some of the pencils that where right next to there the book had been resting.
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John came in to the infirmary with his bounty of items in hand to check in with Dr Keller and Carson. He slowed down a little when he could see Carson and Keller talking about something kind of adamantly over close to Carson’s office. He squished down a little anxiety that it could be something to do with Lorne and decided to weight rather then interrupt.
While weighting he wondered how hard learning to read lips would be. After only a few minutes of standing around Dr Keller noticed John. Her and Carson came over. Keller had a look John couldn’t read. But his mind was screaming that something was wrong.
Carson looked at John’s for a moment “ I’m glad to see yeh C’nel we where just talking about some test we ran on yer blood work last night, But I’m guessing that’s not why yer here tho”
“Well Dr Keller tells me there is a chance I may get to see Lorne to day so I was hoping to see how is was doing and if he could have a visitor” Johns tone a mix of happy hopeful, and guarded for bad news all at the same time.
Carson took a bit of a breath “ I’m Sorry C’nel but he is sleeping at the moment. The visit from Dr Weir took a lot out of him... I could let you....” Carson stopped when he saw the look on John’s face
John wasn’t sure if it was possible. He would have to ask Rodney later, but he was sure the room’s temperature had dropped 15 degrees in less then a sec. He felt cold and tired all of the sudden, and yes a bit of anger too. His good mood from a few minutes ago, gone in a puff of smoke, leaving only the frustrated anger in its wake.
As John was getting ready to turn and leave, his head lowering just enough for any one that knew him to know he was very disappointed. But Carson stopped him by stepping to the side “ John, you could set and keep him company for a bit if you promises not to wake him. He still needs a lot of rest. And with all the injury’s it’s hard for him to get. He will probably wake up soon. Plus I would like to take another blood sample from you and again in a few hours. I don’t like some of the things we are seeing, that chemical may still be doing something to your system.
John smiled “ Sure doc what ever you need” as long as he got to see Lorne it was just fine.
After getting the samples Carson took John in to see Lorne. John noticed that Carson left the entrance open so that the Nurses and he could see everything that was going on in the room, but it was still privet from the rest of the infirmary.
Carson quietly spoke to the Cornel “ you should sit over here. I don’t know if you have ever been around some one after something like this C’nel. You will want to keep a bit of distance, any movements should be slow and steady. Your hands need to try and stay where Lorne can see them. He has been very easily startled and. If you like I could bring you some information on how to help some one that’s had this kind of trauma?”
John just stared at Evan. “That would be great Carson, Thanks” He set down the items in his hand on a little table next to the chair then lowered him self in to the chair. It took him a few minutes to get comfortable.
John spent he next several minutes looking at the parts of even he could see over the blanket. Evan’s face with the bruises on the side, the bandage on his neck, the arm in a sling. John had to look away for a few moments as he felt the anger building again.
John wasn’t sure how long he set there looking off to the side watching Evan out of the corners of his eyes. All of the sudden a sound, some kind of a strangled gasp pulled John from his thoughts. He expected to see even having a nightmare, but no his eyes where open, wide awake. John had never seen Evan, up set, scared, or anything other then ... well Evan. But he didn’t need the sound of Evans heart monitor speeding up to tell him even was all that and more. Remembering what Carson had said he raised his hands slowly and tried to talk. “ It’s okay Lorne, Its just me Cornel Sheppard, your on Atlantis and safe.” John stopped talking when the alarm on Evans equipment went off and Carson came running in with a nurse and Lieutenant Wilson who he didn’t remember seeing in the infirmary earlier
Carson was putting something in Evans IV and talking to him “ Its okay Evan your safe nothings going to happen. I’m sorry for the surprise I didn’t think you would wake up so soon. C’nel could you give us a moment.” John nodded his head and stepped out side.
He needed a moment to think. Why was Evan so upset, and his talking just made it worse. Maybe he just was jumpy at sound of any kind. And since when did Carson call Major Lorne Evan?
John stood for a few minutes not sure if he should leave and come back later or what to do. He could hear hushed voices of Carson and Evan but was un able to tell what they where talking about. The nurse and Wilson had come back out of the room. He fallowed her over to the workstation and was talking quietly to her why she was doing something. I wonder if they’re dating.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when Carson stepped out. He turned to the good doc “ Should I go?” Carson shook his head. “ No I think it would be best if you stayed for a while C’nel” He nodded his head “ I don’t want to upset him Carson.” Carson smiled a little “ Its all right he is better now, just surprised him to wake up in a room with another person there” John noticed something in Carson’s eye when he said that. And he was sure that this wasn’t the first time in the last few days he had seen it. “ I should have waited till he was awake so I could have warned him, but its okay now you can go back in, ill be right here in my office if he needs anything.” Carson mad a motion for John to go back in
John very slowly walked back in to the room. Evan was watching the door looking very apprehensive. John walked to his chair and the table and then looked at Evan.
“Hi”
“Hi... sir”
“ Lorne if your not up to visitors I can come back later”
“No its okay... just surprised me a little... I’m kind of jump... sorry sir”
John felt his nerves easy a little and he tried a soft smile “ And here I was worried it was just my hair” Evan managed just a hint of a smile.
John smirked “ I got you a present and a few things.” John decided to pick up the sketchpad, pencils and book lifting and holding them up to show even. John didn’t miss how his eyes lit up just a bit. “ Hope you don’t mind me going and picking them up. But Cadman and I where talking and we thought you would like them”
Evan found him self surprised that he in fact didn’t mind “ No that’s grate... thanks”
John smiled at him “ And I all so got you this” Moving slowly and holding out his hands he walked to put something on the table close to Evans bed. “ A cookie, some chocolate, and jell-o... I wasn’t sure about bringing milk, I didn’t know when I would get to see you” John suddenly felt his ears burning a little and put his hand on the back of his neck ad he walked back over to the chair.
Evan started to smile but stopped and winced as it pulled bruised skin. He didn’t miss how the Cornel had winced at the same moment seeing it. Carson had been right this was good for him. It was kind of normal, maybe even better then normal. He still couldn’t help filling jumpy.
“ So you and Cadman talked sir?” Evan tried for a light tone.
“ Just a little, she has been worried, heck every one has been... are you... okay” John watched Evan closely.
“ Every one keeps asking me that”
“Sorry, I... it’s just you where... hurt pretty bad ... and I don’t know if any one told you... but I can’t remember anything... and I know you probably don’t want to talk about it know, or maybe ever but... I was kind of hoping you would want to maybe tell me anything you could.” The last of the words coming out in a nervous rush of breathe.
Evan was kind of surprised to see the Cornel acting so strange. He seemed genuinely concerned. He was acting as if it was Rodney or Teyla in this bed and not his XO. Not knowing what to think of the sudden change in how the Cornel was talking to him he just nodded his head and heard his voice say “ Sure we can talk about it... I mean if it you help...sir”
John wasn’t sure why, but every time Evan called him sir right now he felt just a little bit sad “ It would... Help me at least I mean... But only if your sure...we can stop at any time or... what do you remember from the time we walked in to the building. “
Evan just nodded his head and turned to look away from the Cornel. He had thought for days about what he was going to say. He thought back to something his mom had said one day when he was young. She was paining in her workroom. “ Painting is about the truth, the truth how you see it in the world. It’s not about making a picture. It’s about showing how you see the world. We all see our own truth in things. A painting is one of the few ways we have to share that with some one else to let them see through are eyes.” So that’s what Evan had decided to do. Tell Weir and the Cornel the truth... at least as he wanted to see it.
He looked up realizing he had been quite for a while. The Cornel was just setting there quite and patient. The very picture of concerned.
“ We walked in to the building, and went in to a room at the back. All the other rooms where empty. There was a device on the wall. It looked like the one McKay had been working on. But something was different about it. I don’t really know what happened then, its kind of fuzzy. There was some kind of explosion. I don’t remember why or what... something having to do with the device. I remember having to tear of my tack vest and holster cause they where melting on fire.” He took a breath before going to the next part.
“Something cut my arm and leg, I think you where hit in the head” He looked up to where John had the bruise and cut . “ Then we where running. Me in front and you right behind me” He stopped to take another breath. John was looking at him more and more concerned like he was going to say something. Was he starting to remember something?
“I don’t remember much else after that. We must have been separated, I remember falling, something hitting me in the head, and then waking up here.” John looked at Evan “ It’s okay Evan you don’t have to talk about it any more... Thanks... We will figure out the rest later if you want. Why don’t you just get some rest”
John set there for a while in silence watching Evans heart monitor slow back down to normal. Evan’s eyes had closed but he wasn’t asleep at least he was resting in some way. He was filling better, but now he was worried. Evan had a look in his eyes when he was telling me what happened. Especially the last bit. It gave him the same bad filling he had when talking to Carson earlier. There was something different about it then Carson’s look. But it was some how the same.
John noticed Evan open a eye to see if he was still there for the 2nd time in a few minutes and he made contact with his eyes “ Evan... I’m going to go let Teyla, Ronon and Cadman know how you’re doing... If you fill up to it I’m sure they would like to come buy and see you later, But you should get some more rest first.. Don’t worry about telling them... you know the planet ... and stuff... I’ll take care of telling them what you told me... the rest they don’t need to know ... unless you want to ... you know talk ... about it.”
Evan nodded his head and gave the closest thing to a smile he could manage “ Thanks sir” John just looked at Evan for a moment the sadness when he heard the sir showing for just a moment before he smiled “ Just take care of your self” John turned to walk out. He stopped just out side the door took a 2nd glance in to the room silently adding, “ Because I obviously cant”. He walked out of the infirmary with his head lowered and not saying a word to anyone. Filling for the entire world like he had failed.
Evan set there looking at where the Cornel had been standing just moments ago. Trying to figure out the look that had crossed the Cornels Face. It looked sad, and upset ... but not in the agree way he was used to seeing. Like when the Cornel wasn’t able to save some one, a town or village from the wraith. It was more how he looked after they lost Ford. In the late hours when the Cornel didn’t know any one was around to see it. He would stand on a balcony, or be in the mess hall. That same look. Did this mean that he didn’t dislike Evan, that he may in fact even like him... or think of him like he did Ford.
Why is he always finding fault with everything I do? Dressing me down in front of other people. Talking like I’m not even in the room, or setting at the table.
Evan set for a while thinking when Carson came in and asked, “ How are you doing Evan?”
“ I’m fine Carson” Evan responded looking anything but okay.
Carson looked at Evan. “ What did you tell the C’nel?”
“ Same thing I told you and Dr. Weir”
“ I see , but you didn’t tell him what you didn’t have to tell me and Elizabeth did you?”
“ NO, ... I didn’t... He cant know Carson... ever... he doesn’t need to know. He doesn’t remember it and I don’t want him too.”
“ Okay Evan, but just think of one thing... What id he does remember at some point what he’s seen? What then? I think if its ever going to be fixed he needs to know at least as much as I do”
“ I don’t know what he would do, ... And I don’t know if it can ever be fixed”
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There is still more to come. Not sure how long this fic will end up being. So if you like it check back for updates. Kind of posting as I go.