(no subject)
dear livejournal,
I am having like my first doubt day in a long time. Everything today seems to be fucked up. Last night at work, I was left with the shop such a mess I was there to close to 2:30am cleaning, then the night watch security guard wasn't around so I could get the garbage and recycling out to the bins. (they have the inside of market square locked down after dark cause I guess it's kinda a sketchy area) So, yea- git home tierd and sunburned from the beach- I was stressing at work and eat too much so I had a bad sleep with sketchy premonition type dreams that I can only half remember- but they weren't good. They were the dreams that just make you feel uncomfortable and dread and doubt the future and yourself. I have really decided to go back to school now- because this part of my life is bullshit. I am making so little money- that is is uncomfortable. I really don't give two shits about being wealthy, but, I am sick of living poor. I am feeling like I have made mistackes by leaving school so early and telling off so many bosses... I hate any moment when I start to bring up the concept of regret inside my head- because I normally do not believe in regret, right- because I am happy with myself... so it kinda feels wrong. It makes my spirit feel weakened. I gotta get out of this rut that I woke up in today- I am trying to think of something positive I could do to release this stress and negative energy- I am not sure. Maybe I will try to paint a real sad picture and get this shit right out from the gut. Paint a face that looks like it has been mulled by a bear, reconstructed, then burned away in places- maybe I will put something behind the face- a better place- a place I want to be.
peace alwayz
Jenn
I am having like my first doubt day in a long time. Everything today seems to be fucked up. Last night at work, I was left with the shop such a mess I was there to close to 2:30am cleaning, then the night watch security guard wasn't around so I could get the garbage and recycling out to the bins. (they have the inside of market square locked down after dark cause I guess it's kinda a sketchy area) So, yea- git home tierd and sunburned from the beach- I was stressing at work and eat too much so I had a bad sleep with sketchy premonition type dreams that I can only half remember- but they weren't good. They were the dreams that just make you feel uncomfortable and dread and doubt the future and yourself. I have really decided to go back to school now- because this part of my life is bullshit. I am making so little money- that is is uncomfortable. I really don't give two shits about being wealthy, but, I am sick of living poor. I am feeling like I have made mistackes by leaving school so early and telling off so many bosses... I hate any moment when I start to bring up the concept of regret inside my head- because I normally do not believe in regret, right- because I am happy with myself... so it kinda feels wrong. It makes my spirit feel weakened. I gotta get out of this rut that I woke up in today- I am trying to think of something positive I could do to release this stress and negative energy- I am not sure. Maybe I will try to paint a real sad picture and get this shit right out from the gut. Paint a face that looks like it has been mulled by a bear, reconstructed, then burned away in places- maybe I will put something behind the face- a better place- a place I want to be.
peace alwayz
Jenn