new friends
i decided i needed to really write more. i know no one is on here anymore so i am free to say what i want, possibly get it read but mostly not. i just want to vent.
so tonight, these last few days have been hell. I hate going out anymore. All it is, is couple makng out. it wouldnt bug me so much if it was one or two but everyone i hang out with is hangng on someone, kissing and well acting like i am not there. i end up standing there watching or staring at the ceiling looking like a complete dork. i just dont want to even bother anymore. whats the point of going out and... hanging out with yourself. it feels like that is what i am doing. yesterday i bounced back and forth between kira/jes and sarah/donna. when i got tired of watching one pair i moved and watched another, because they cant say more than 2 words without sucking face. i wish i had friends that were an older couple, things wouldnt be so bad. they wouldnt have to be in each others mouth then. hell im not even that way and we dont get to see each other often. i mean we touched when we were with your friends but i dont think we kissed once. Jes really pissed me off today. she told me that i wouldnt have to worry about watching them make out all night and she didnt do anythiing to stop it, hell she started it once kira got drunk, yes we did dance together some but that was it. always had to run off and find kira leaving me standing there without a word... i am really trying to increase my friend base so i am not stuck with all couples but its so hard because they want to see me and they ignor me when i am there.
plus i am so fucking tired of going to the bar. i am proud of myself for not drinking so much. thats proabaly a product of not having fun but i just dont feel like it. its not a treat to go out and drink, its routine, a have to and that just gets boring. i miss doing other things like going to the beach or bowling. that wont happen much because no one has anymore. i will probably be staying home more. I would love a ncie quiet night at home watchiing movies or playing games. i miss hanging out with sarah sometimes because it was just us watching tv, not spending money and all that. it pisses me off she invited jes to come hang out before she leaves but not me. di invited jes to go fishing but she isnt talking to me. i dont understand what i did wrong, why i am so horrible and why everyone wants to hang out with jes over me.
ugh i am in a pity party mood. i would love a nice quiet night at home. maybe i will have one by myself tomorrow. watch a couple of cute love movies and pretend you are with me. it will be better than going down to that house to their quiet party. it probably turns into an orgy of some sort with me left out cuz i am not gonna sleep with any of them. I am pretty sure that Becky chick is dirty. I know lisa, brooke and hope have slept with her and thats reason enough to stay away from her.
so tonight, these last few days have been hell. I hate going out anymore. All it is, is couple makng out. it wouldnt bug me so much if it was one or two but everyone i hang out with is hangng on someone, kissing and well acting like i am not there. i end up standing there watching or staring at the ceiling looking like a complete dork. i just dont want to even bother anymore. whats the point of going out and... hanging out with yourself. it feels like that is what i am doing. yesterday i bounced back and forth between kira/jes and sarah/donna. when i got tired of watching one pair i moved and watched another, because they cant say more than 2 words without sucking face. i wish i had friends that were an older couple, things wouldnt be so bad. they wouldnt have to be in each others mouth then. hell im not even that way and we dont get to see each other often. i mean we touched when we were with your friends but i dont think we kissed once. Jes really pissed me off today. she told me that i wouldnt have to worry about watching them make out all night and she didnt do anythiing to stop it, hell she started it once kira got drunk, yes we did dance together some but that was it. always had to run off and find kira leaving me standing there without a word... i am really trying to increase my friend base so i am not stuck with all couples but its so hard because they want to see me and they ignor me when i am there.
plus i am so fucking tired of going to the bar. i am proud of myself for not drinking so much. thats proabaly a product of not having fun but i just dont feel like it. its not a treat to go out and drink, its routine, a have to and that just gets boring. i miss doing other things like going to the beach or bowling. that wont happen much because no one has anymore. i will probably be staying home more. I would love a ncie quiet night at home watchiing movies or playing games. i miss hanging out with sarah sometimes because it was just us watching tv, not spending money and all that. it pisses me off she invited jes to come hang out before she leaves but not me. di invited jes to go fishing but she isnt talking to me. i dont understand what i did wrong, why i am so horrible and why everyone wants to hang out with jes over me.
ugh i am in a pity party mood. i would love a nice quiet night at home. maybe i will have one by myself tomorrow. watch a couple of cute love movies and pretend you are with me. it will be better than going down to that house to their quiet party. it probably turns into an orgy of some sort with me left out cuz i am not gonna sleep with any of them. I am pretty sure that Becky chick is dirty. I know lisa, brooke and hope have slept with her and thats reason enough to stay away from her.