Update, and some thoughts
Ello guys, nice to see that I am not dead, eh? Well I am here to give you guys an update on a lot of things, right now I've just been so tired, started a RP with my friend . . . . ha more like three xD;; And that is where I've been spending most of my time.
Other then that, I've been hanging out with some friends, had a meet-up with the Wimington crew, and I am planning on making more.
I have a crush, but to be honest I can't see it go anywhere, just I don't think she likes me, that way ;~; Oh well, I guess . . . .
Alfred is doing fine, he is just teething, so my hands have been full. Next week he starts daycare, and I start going to school during the day, to help me find a job.
Next month I go take my placement test, I can't wait =3
Other then that, nothing new
But I have been having thoughts, really deep thoughts.
I am not happy, and by not happy, I hate the body I am in. I've been noticing how I just don't care anymore. To he honest I never try anymore. I just throw on baggy clothes, and hide everything.
Like today, me Mum was showing me long shirt type things, and girly stuff, but I know if I ever wore that, she would just tell me I look fat, and that i should take it off.
So why the fuck should I care?
I am just not happy guys. I feel like I am tripped, and there is nothing I can do.
But at times, there are moments where I want to try, and I see how I just fail . . . . then I go back into what I wear day to day.
I think I don't want to be a female anymore, but at the sametime I don't want to be male eather, I just dunno what I want anymore.
My friend told me that I should try things out, see if I feel happy, and I've been thinking about it to be honest.
Just, what would me Mum say to me, once she finds out that I don't want to be Kayla anymore? Would she hate me, neglect me, pretend she didn't hear a thing, and just continue to call me by my name?
I wouldn't care what other people would think, but when it comes to her, I just dunno what i want to do.
I just dunno what I want to do =/
I never felt so lost in my life . . . .
But since I am so fucking tired, I am heading to bed
PEACE!!
Other then that, I've been hanging out with some friends, had a meet-up with the Wimington crew, and I am planning on making more.
I have a crush, but to be honest I can't see it go anywhere, just I don't think she likes me, that way ;~; Oh well, I guess . . . .
Alfred is doing fine, he is just teething, so my hands have been full. Next week he starts daycare, and I start going to school during the day, to help me find a job.
Next month I go take my placement test, I can't wait =3
Other then that, nothing new
But I have been having thoughts, really deep thoughts.
I am not happy, and by not happy, I hate the body I am in. I've been noticing how I just don't care anymore. To he honest I never try anymore. I just throw on baggy clothes, and hide everything.
Like today, me Mum was showing me long shirt type things, and girly stuff, but I know if I ever wore that, she would just tell me I look fat, and that i should take it off.
So why the fuck should I care?
I am just not happy guys. I feel like I am tripped, and there is nothing I can do.
But at times, there are moments where I want to try, and I see how I just fail . . . . then I go back into what I wear day to day.
I think I don't want to be a female anymore, but at the sametime I don't want to be male eather, I just dunno what I want anymore.
My friend told me that I should try things out, see if I feel happy, and I've been thinking about it to be honest.
Just, what would me Mum say to me, once she finds out that I don't want to be Kayla anymore? Would she hate me, neglect me, pretend she didn't hear a thing, and just continue to call me by my name?
I wouldn't care what other people would think, but when it comes to her, I just dunno what i want to do.
I just dunno what I want to do =/
I never felt so lost in my life . . . .
But since I am so fucking tired, I am heading to bed
PEACE!!