Sorry, can't brain today.
Sometimes I get so fed up with me.
Like, last week I was taking care of myself, for a bit at least, I took the weekend off to spend with my boy and when I weighed myself Monday I had not only undone all my work, but backed up to a point I promised myself I wouldn't get to again. Of course that sent me in an ugly spiral for Monday and Tuesday...hell, Monday I didn't get out of bed. (metaphorically, I did do my internship and got up to read my grades and stuff) Today wasn't much better, though I did DDR for a whole 15 minutes. Mommy always puts on Biggest Loser and I watch what these people struggle with and I wonder why I can't have that sort of dedication. It's not even just the weight loss, I know I've needed a new job since forever, but have I done anything about it? I went out for like three seconds today and secured two pretty reasonable opportunities. (Waitressing, but it was because I had contacts at the restaurants I had totally forgotten about. Sheesh) I could have done that weeks ago.
It's fustrating, the good things in my life are all things I've done nothing to deserve, and anything I should be affecting I can't even get off my ass to think about. I don't know how to get myself in gear, and I just wish writing this would make it happen. It won't, but someday something will. I want to be proud of myself again.
Funny, though, when I was getting interviewed at Chili's today the chick looked at my resume and mentioned that I was very accomplished for a 23 year old. Way to be completely undeservedly privledged =P
Like, last week I was taking care of myself, for a bit at least, I took the weekend off to spend with my boy and when I weighed myself Monday I had not only undone all my work, but backed up to a point I promised myself I wouldn't get to again. Of course that sent me in an ugly spiral for Monday and Tuesday...hell, Monday I didn't get out of bed. (metaphorically, I did do my internship and got up to read my grades and stuff) Today wasn't much better, though I did DDR for a whole 15 minutes. Mommy always puts on Biggest Loser and I watch what these people struggle with and I wonder why I can't have that sort of dedication. It's not even just the weight loss, I know I've needed a new job since forever, but have I done anything about it? I went out for like three seconds today and secured two pretty reasonable opportunities. (Waitressing, but it was because I had contacts at the restaurants I had totally forgotten about. Sheesh) I could have done that weeks ago.
It's fustrating, the good things in my life are all things I've done nothing to deserve, and anything I should be affecting I can't even get off my ass to think about. I don't know how to get myself in gear, and I just wish writing this would make it happen. It won't, but someday something will. I want to be proud of myself again.
Funny, though, when I was getting interviewed at Chili's today the chick looked at my resume and mentioned that I was very accomplished for a 23 year old. Way to be completely undeservedly privledged =P