"Love Got Me In, and Love Got Me Out..."
Braxtonisms of the semester so far:
On America's scale of political career-death: "Gay is wormy. If you're an atheist, you're sub-wormy."
"We don't mean bad in a judgmental, negative sense. We mean bad in a nice way."
"If you can't think of a response, just say reproduction. It's always right."
On gossip: "He can benchpress like 900 pounds, he must take calcium supplements or something."
On bullying: "I did not let him extort my cookie. I gave him the cookie. Let's be clear."
"In-group male-on-male violence does not end up in death. It ends up in pain."
"Coach, I'm ready to give you 110% percent! Never mind that that makes no mathematical sense whatsoever! It's a hyperbole to tell you I'm passionate about winning!"
"Certain boots may enhance your sex appeal. Rawr."
On God's omnipotence: "Is that the way God is? 'Oh, I want to help him but my reflexes were JUST TOO SLOW OH WELL'?"
On sacrificing for the group: "Spears and knives and bullets and other munitions thrown at them on a regular basis." and "I'll go throw myself on a machine gun turret for my tribe! Or maybe I'll just say ten hail Marys."
"A Roman citizen would have bitchslapped you to show he was better."
On costs being too low for in-group privileges: "You're gonna join that religion! You're gonna walk up like 'I did not touch my fuckin' heel, gimme my bouillon."
On country music: "As I drool in my beer, I think why did she leave me? Maybe it's because I drool in my beer."
On the Iraq War: "God says, 'Go kill people and steal their oil'!"
"Jesus' words: PURE BLEACH."
On Pastafarianism: "We have gluten on our side!"
On Martin Luther: "He turned into a massive, scary, anti-Semitic drunken fat man, but when he was young he was my hero."
On America's scale of political career-death: "Gay is wormy. If you're an atheist, you're sub-wormy."
"We don't mean bad in a judgmental, negative sense. We mean bad in a nice way."
"If you can't think of a response, just say reproduction. It's always right."
On gossip: "He can benchpress like 900 pounds, he must take calcium supplements or something."
On bullying: "I did not let him extort my cookie. I gave him the cookie. Let's be clear."
"In-group male-on-male violence does not end up in death. It ends up in pain."
"Coach, I'm ready to give you 110% percent! Never mind that that makes no mathematical sense whatsoever! It's a hyperbole to tell you I'm passionate about winning!"
"Certain boots may enhance your sex appeal. Rawr."
On God's omnipotence: "Is that the way God is? 'Oh, I want to help him but my reflexes were JUST TOO SLOW OH WELL'?"
On sacrificing for the group: "Spears and knives and bullets and other munitions thrown at them on a regular basis." and "I'll go throw myself on a machine gun turret for my tribe! Or maybe I'll just say ten hail Marys."
"A Roman citizen would have bitchslapped you to show he was better."
On costs being too low for in-group privileges: "You're gonna join that religion! You're gonna walk up like 'I did not touch my fuckin' heel, gimme my bouillon."
On country music: "As I drool in my beer, I think why did she leave me? Maybe it's because I drool in my beer."
On the Iraq War: "God says, 'Go kill people and steal their oil'!"
"Jesus' words: PURE BLEACH."
On Pastafarianism: "We have gluten on our side!"
On Martin Luther: "He turned into a massive, scary, anti-Semitic drunken fat man, but when he was young he was my hero."