(no subject)
My life is relatively a pitiful, pointless existance.
Next week is my last week to work, and my last week of voice/piano lessons.
Two weeks from tonite, I will be in Mississippi, getting ready to start band camp the next day.
As these last two weeks (painfully slow as they are) lurch by, I grow both more excited and more regretful of my failed attempts to correct things, make amends. As I look back at the friendships I've allowed to grow cold to let other friendships grow... I now see the newer friendships (for the most part) growing cold too, and it is out of my control. I can't change the past, no matter how hard I try or want to, it can't happen. For this, I am regretful and pissed. I wish that I knew what I know now when I was 15. When you look at all there is to know in the world about people and places and... everything... I know nothing. Really- nothing. But what I know now is still so much MORE relative to when I was 15. I think my life would be totally different now if I had known more then.
Relative. That's a strange word. Multiple uses. Webster defines it as follows...
"rel-a-tive, adj. 1. related to each other. 2. having to do with, relevant. 3. comparative: as, 'relative' wages. 4. meaningful only in relationship: as, "cold" is a relative term. 5. in grammer, that refers to an antecedent: as, a 'relative' pronoun. n. a person related by origin or marriage."
So, speaking relatively...
To those of you who still read this journal, perhaps I'm relatively important to you, perhaps not. It doesn't matter which I am to you now I guess, like I said I can't change the past, only hope for the future, and I hope in the future I will be important to you.
To the world, I'm relatively nothing, except maybe a statistic or two.
To my mother, I'm relatively everything.
Toward even my closest of close friends these days, sometimes I feel... nothing. Relatively, that is. It's some feeling, but not very profound, not wonderful, not comforting, Nothing, really.
Pointless and Relative. I find it quite interesting that I paired these words together. Webster uses the word "relevant" in defining both "pointless" and "relative."
"point-less, adj. 1. Having no point; blunt. 2. having no relevant meaning: a pointless remark. 3. having no force; ineffective."
Relatively to my past friends, fun times, laughs shared, and time spent in enjoyable company... these days, my existance is quite pointless.
However, my existance is not totally pointless, becuase I mean something, relatively speaking, to those that still love me, however few that may be.
Perhaps this entry itself is pointless.
Pointless or not... it's relative to how I feel these days.
Next week is my last week to work, and my last week of voice/piano lessons.
Two weeks from tonite, I will be in Mississippi, getting ready to start band camp the next day.
As these last two weeks (painfully slow as they are) lurch by, I grow both more excited and more regretful of my failed attempts to correct things, make amends. As I look back at the friendships I've allowed to grow cold to let other friendships grow... I now see the newer friendships (for the most part) growing cold too, and it is out of my control. I can't change the past, no matter how hard I try or want to, it can't happen. For this, I am regretful and pissed. I wish that I knew what I know now when I was 15. When you look at all there is to know in the world about people and places and... everything... I know nothing. Really- nothing. But what I know now is still so much MORE relative to when I was 15. I think my life would be totally different now if I had known more then.
Relative. That's a strange word. Multiple uses. Webster defines it as follows...
"rel-a-tive, adj. 1. related to each other. 2. having to do with, relevant. 3. comparative: as, 'relative' wages. 4. meaningful only in relationship: as, "cold" is a relative term. 5. in grammer, that refers to an antecedent: as, a 'relative' pronoun. n. a person related by origin or marriage."
So, speaking relatively...
To those of you who still read this journal, perhaps I'm relatively important to you, perhaps not. It doesn't matter which I am to you now I guess, like I said I can't change the past, only hope for the future, and I hope in the future I will be important to you.
To the world, I'm relatively nothing, except maybe a statistic or two.
To my mother, I'm relatively everything.
Toward even my closest of close friends these days, sometimes I feel... nothing. Relatively, that is. It's some feeling, but not very profound, not wonderful, not comforting, Nothing, really.
Pointless and Relative. I find it quite interesting that I paired these words together. Webster uses the word "relevant" in defining both "pointless" and "relative."
"point-less, adj. 1. Having no point; blunt. 2. having no relevant meaning: a pointless remark. 3. having no force; ineffective."
Relatively to my past friends, fun times, laughs shared, and time spent in enjoyable company... these days, my existance is quite pointless.
However, my existance is not totally pointless, becuase I mean something, relatively speaking, to those that still love me, however few that may be.
Perhaps this entry itself is pointless.
Pointless or not... it's relative to how I feel these days.