Love is Alot, but It can't Save it All..ADVICE NEEDED
Well I don't know what to do. I know what I think I am going to NEED to do, but its SO SO Hard. I think I have to break up with my boyfriend. I love him SO MUCH, more than I have ever loved anyone, and he totally rocks my world, BUT after this afternoon, i'm seeing a part of him I have seen before, but I think I need to pay more attention to.
My friend Phil of like 5 years called me, I missed the call, he freaks out and demands I get my cell phone, calls the number, and gets an attitude with Phil and wants to know why Phils calling me, and he knows Phil calls me just to say whats up. Then I told him we woke my dad up by fighting, and I tell him to leave and he slams my door and my dad flips out on ME. He already punched my FRONT door a month ago and bent it, and its just all these things that I am seeing that are making me start to think, I dont know if I can do this.
I mean, I love him, but after the last 2 long relationships I have been in, I have startted to notice signs on things, and I think hes a little umm insane. Or I dont know the right word, I know im crazy, but to a point, this is just nuts. He is startting to freak me out, and I have TO MUCH shit to worry about right now. Everyone at my job is worried about losing there jobs, because all our work is going overseas to the Phillipes so eventually everyones going to be out of a job, and my dads going to probably want to kick me out now, and I just have SO MUCH shit going on, and I really am startting to feel like hes holding me back, he donesnt want me to model, even if its NOT nude, I just LOVE HIM but I don't know if I can do this anymore because I feel like i can't truley be myself, and by saying that I mean, I want to do what I want to do with my life, and I dont feel like I have 100% support. I don't know what to do.
I know how strong and independent of a person I am. I always have taken care of myself, I always will. I will never need a man to take care of me, and I won't accept being treated like this. I have to much to offer someone else and I know I can be treated better.
Right now its distance. I need some. I need to design, try to do some modeling, look for a second job, live my life, without worrying about being a "mother" which is what I feel like. I mean seriously, I just want someone to stand BY ME, support me, I have ALOT of dreams and I plan on fullfilling them and if they dont want to stand by my side and support them then See ya later. If he can't change then its over. I seriously know im to good for this. Complaining isn't doing anything about the situation, I have to make a choice. Advice anyone?