te cuento una historia

[rainbowdice]

Te cuento una historia

I want to write your story
but all I’d write are lies

I try to write
your strength!
and
how you taught me to
bully the bully
I try to picture
a cabra weona
who was never afraid
to hit a man
and taunt back with the
best of them

But now all I see is the
demure way your shoulders
slouched and the pusillanimous way
you tucked down your head
at the kitchen table

I try to write your
defiant flashes of independence!
your thick locks of hair once
a caress along your spine,
vehemently snipped
to trail kisses across your cheeks
not just because
no respectable woman
would do such a bob
but because
it would be that much
harder to grab

But now all I see are your
shifting acquiescent eyes
tratando de no molestar
as you silently scuttle to not
disturb

I try to write your
sacrifices!
Fleeing a home, ilegalmente
touching strangers’ soil,
submitting to back breaking,
sweaty toil
Throwing away convictions
and becoming Doña Gladys
to send a livelihood to your family
so they would never have to
sell their underwear on the streets

But all I see is the hard-pressed
line of your lips
and
all I hear are the words you
could’ve said
should’ve said
did not say
and
will not say

Palabras que nunca diría

It is
so selfish
of me, to let something
so trivial
strip away the lifetime of admiration
held close to my heart

But your arms around me
broke me
But your belated whisper
broke me
But your pitying eyes
broke me

And as I fled
como una cobarde
your betrayal
broke me

I wanted to write your story
Once upon a time