(no subject)
y dont no one comment to me no more. i writeted about ppl'z in here... but no... lol. nvm. ummm... im cool now. i went to great skate last night and had to leave at 11... cause thats when the change over thingy was. cause my moms a bitch and at the last minute decided to have this big b-day party for herself. she wasnt going to have one cause she doesnt like celebrating getting old. but now she is having this big party. i dont get it. but if she didnt have it today i would have been able to stay the whole night at great skate with amy carlie eash and kevin.
last night i was at great skate and i had lots of fun... when every one finally showed up there was carlie & her boyfriend kevin, amy, eash, gina & her boyfriend, ryann malone & her boyfriend, and nicole. and me. thats all i think. and everyones boyfriends and girlfriend were kissing each other and i was like eww. but i wasnt meaning it like that i was just being weird. but later ryann like... kissed me too so i stopped saying eww.
miss patty just showed up to start making our house look party'riffic.
anyways. after everyone showed up.. we all kinda skated then migrated to the bench chair things on the other side of the rink. and then we were all like just talking and laughing and having fun... then... everyone got party boi'd. lol. i got it twice from the same guy. amy got it in the face... ha ha ha ... i laughed so 'effin' hard. i skated alot this time. i could like hardly breath. but i went back out there anyways. it was lots of fun. i had amy sitting on me while kevin and this wigger kid were gettin into it. so i had carlie and amy's elbows in my face cause they were tryin to keep him from doing anything... so that he didnt get kicked out. and i was all hiding my face and they didnt realize i was there... so i just had to wait till they were done. lol. but idk... i cried alot. but tried not to show it again. i didnt wanna leave. and i cried through out the thing too. it was too hot to wear a hoodie or anything but my mom wont lemme wear anything on my arms. and it was making me really uneasy. then when i was about to leave... i was (cause she asked over and over and over)tellin carlie what was wrong and it was just that i wish that... well... life... i didnt say this but... i wanted life to end there..cause now i have to go through the school year with my friends seeing it/them and they might act weird or something. and i was haveing fun last night. i didnt want it to ever end. carlie asked what was wrong and i said nothing... of corse... then her and kevin gave me hugs and were about to go across the rink to go line up... and i called her back to tell her y. and i dont even remember what i said... only that i felt like she was there for me...and i liked that ... and she was holding my hands... and then when i said that i felt weird/oddly embarresed... cause of my scars... she like... said that kevin did it too. and i think i said something bout it being worse and she looked at them... and at that moment i wanted to just die. i was so sad. cause i know. i know... and knew a while ago that everyone including her. wanted me to stop and i did it... and how much they were hurt when i did it... and i knew... or thought that she must have something going through her head... about me. feeling bad.. or something hurt... idk. im not in her head. but i was about to cry... and i gave her another big hug... and went to amy and i was talking to her for a sec... while i was trying to procrastinate.and then i asked her if she wanted to keep ange's hoodie (cause thats the one i wore there) and she said yeah just give me mine back when you come back to school... so that whats im going to do i guess. but i waited as long as i could before i used her phone cause i didnt wanna leave. i didnt wanna go home. so... i got the phone and started to for the door. and started to cry. and then stopped by eash to say bye. and gave her a hug. and i dont even remember if she said anything to me to try and help... i was trying not to think about me leaving... i was trying not to cry. but i leaned over the counter and gave her a hug. and idk... she asked what was wrong... i think i said nothing. and then she ... i dont even remember. but i said i love you & i dont wanna go home.
but yeah this isnt doing me anygood... so im going to go... ttyl. lyl... leave some love...
thanks guys i had a great time last night... and sry if i made it not as fun as it could have been. but i needed to hang out wiht ppl wether the hospital thought i was ready or not. so thanks for putting up with anything. i love you all very deeply for you help. love you all... see you soon. hopefully. i dont know when i'll be back...
*~*_Me_*~*
last night i was at great skate and i had lots of fun... when every one finally showed up there was carlie & her boyfriend kevin, amy, eash, gina & her boyfriend, ryann malone & her boyfriend, and nicole. and me. thats all i think. and everyones boyfriends and girlfriend were kissing each other and i was like eww. but i wasnt meaning it like that i was just being weird. but later ryann like... kissed me too so i stopped saying eww.
miss patty just showed up to start making our house look party'riffic.
anyways. after everyone showed up.. we all kinda skated then migrated to the bench chair things on the other side of the rink. and then we were all like just talking and laughing and having fun... then... everyone got party boi'd. lol. i got it twice from the same guy. amy got it in the face... ha ha ha ... i laughed so 'effin' hard. i skated alot this time. i could like hardly breath. but i went back out there anyways. it was lots of fun. i had amy sitting on me while kevin and this wigger kid were gettin into it. so i had carlie and amy's elbows in my face cause they were tryin to keep him from doing anything... so that he didnt get kicked out. and i was all hiding my face and they didnt realize i was there... so i just had to wait till they were done. lol. but idk... i cried alot. but tried not to show it again. i didnt wanna leave. and i cried through out the thing too. it was too hot to wear a hoodie or anything but my mom wont lemme wear anything on my arms. and it was making me really uneasy. then when i was about to leave... i was (cause she asked over and over and over)tellin carlie what was wrong and it was just that i wish that... well... life... i didnt say this but... i wanted life to end there..cause now i have to go through the school year with my friends seeing it/them and they might act weird or something. and i was haveing fun last night. i didnt want it to ever end. carlie asked what was wrong and i said nothing... of corse... then her and kevin gave me hugs and were about to go across the rink to go line up... and i called her back to tell her y. and i dont even remember what i said... only that i felt like she was there for me...and i liked that ... and she was holding my hands... and then when i said that i felt weird/oddly embarresed... cause of my scars... she like... said that kevin did it too. and i think i said something bout it being worse and she looked at them... and at that moment i wanted to just die. i was so sad. cause i know. i know... and knew a while ago that everyone including her. wanted me to stop and i did it... and how much they were hurt when i did it... and i knew... or thought that she must have something going through her head... about me. feeling bad.. or something hurt... idk. im not in her head. but i was about to cry... and i gave her another big hug... and went to amy and i was talking to her for a sec... while i was trying to procrastinate.and then i asked her if she wanted to keep ange's hoodie (cause thats the one i wore there) and she said yeah just give me mine back when you come back to school... so that whats im going to do i guess. but i waited as long as i could before i used her phone cause i didnt wanna leave. i didnt wanna go home. so... i got the phone and started to for the door. and started to cry. and then stopped by eash to say bye. and gave her a hug. and i dont even remember if she said anything to me to try and help... i was trying not to think about me leaving... i was trying not to cry. but i leaned over the counter and gave her a hug. and idk... she asked what was wrong... i think i said nothing. and then she ... i dont even remember. but i said i love you & i dont wanna go home.
but yeah this isnt doing me anygood... so im going to go... ttyl. lyl... leave some love...
thanks guys i had a great time last night... and sry if i made it not as fun as it could have been. but i needed to hang out wiht ppl wether the hospital thought i was ready or not. so thanks for putting up with anything. i love you all very deeply for you help. love you all... see you soon. hopefully. i dont know when i'll be back...
*~*_Me_*~*