The home stretch...
So I’m sitting here enjoying my own little gay film festival. I’m currently watching “Food of Love.” It’s about this gay piano student who is apparently a whore for successful pianists…it hits very close to home and I find it rather disgusting, though I guess it’s only because I don’t have a preference for old men with graying facial and body hair…::shivers::. It’s a well produced, directed, and acted movie. The only problem is the plot line is atrocious. That and the mother in it is such a ditz and her ignorance and offensive stereotyping pisses me off. “Denied” was about a former high school jock, living in a small town, and coming to terms with his sexuality and overcoming his unrequited love for his best friend. Great plot line for a play, but it should not be a movie. It is pretty much a bunch of dialogues pieced together. It is poorly acted and a sad excuse for a movie, though I will say that Troy is rather attractive. The last movie I saw was “The Man I Love.” I have a soft spot for good gay foreign films. It is a French film, but it has subtitles for those who cannot follow. It is about an HIV positive pool boy who falls in love with a bisexual lifeguard and how Martin helps Lucas come to terms with his sexuality as Lucas provides Martin with the last bit of happiness in his life. It is a very peculiar, but romantic work. I especially liked that they found a small chapel to marry them in the eyes of the Holy Trinity. That made me very hopeful.
So anyway, I did not start this entry to become a movie critic. “The Man I Love” just kind of got me thinking. Danny’s HIV did not develop long enough for him to have to take pills incessantly and be in and out of the hospital on a regular basis. It sounds so cruel, but I’m glad that he died so that he would be spared from all the misery and pain. Sometimes I wish that he were still here with me. I miss him. I miss cuddling in bed with him, smelling his shampoo fragrant hair after a late night shower, hearing his adorable little laugh, kissing his soft lips… I know I cling onto too much, but I’m just afraid that I’ll forget him-forget what we had. Danny, if you’re up there watching my type this, know that, despite my moving on with my life, I still think about you everyday and I love you with all my heart.
Okay, onto lighter things. I had a very fun day. Yesterday, I went to the gym and then I went to a HS reunion party with some of my friends. Then I hung out with Wes a bit and decided I wanted to go out and do something so I went to Gracie’s house and we started on our Gay film Festival and watched “Better Than Chocolate.” Not that we really watched any of it, we pretty much sat around talking and then chatting, she on her laptop and I on my phone. Then I went back to Wes’s around 3 and spent the night with him again. We didn’t do anything else but cuddle…so no one should get any ideas. In the morning we were both awake, but just in that daze where we don’t want to get out of bed or do anything yet. Well he curled up next to me and told me he loved me…not cool at all. I’ve hung out with him a lot and we’ve had dinner together and stuff, but I explicitly made it clear that I just want to be friends right now. My love life is a tad bit complicated at the moment. Just as I am about to go to college, bois start liking me…how ironic? Chris is determined to see me before I go, because he hasn’t seen me since freshman year. After he stopped his obsession of me being his soul mate and the love of his life after ONE ten-minute phone conversation…he turned out to not be such a creepy guy. Derek I think is developing feelings for me again because he wants to cuddle a lot again and we haven’t cuddled since we liked each other junior year. Matt found out that I’ll be at Purdue and since he just moved from Bedford to North Vernon, he wants to get back together with me, but he’s just looking for sex, so even if he’s hott, I don’t think that will be happening.
Right now I really only want to explore my options with Wes or Drew. I like Wes so much, he’s perfect, but he’s too perfect. He wants to date me through college and move in together after I graduate so we can start our lives together. That’s not what I want right now. College is a time to explore, live your life, find out about yourself and about what life has to offer. I do not want to be tied down to a long-term relationship. I want someone fun and exciting who will explore with me and open my eyes to new, different, and exciting things. That’s where Drew comes in. He’s going to be a sophomore at UK, studying psychology. He’s very cute, but also very superficial. He has a good heart and he’s hilarious, but at times he can make me sad. Like when he says that he never wants to make his bed or mop his own floor or clean his own bathroom, he sounds very spoiled. He also eats out all the time and settles for nothing but the best. The thing is, like Danny, though he can seem like a spoiled brat, he is not annoying about it. He just leads a different lifestyle than I do and I have to learn not to be quick to judge and find the charming side in him. I’m actually growing quite fond of him. It’s very fun because he is a big tease, too, and we love playing with each other’s minds online. We hint that we like each other, but we suggest barely enough so that it seems that the other is over analyzing things and just making assumptions. He likes me, I know it. But he’s never said it, nor will he admit to it. He just says stuff like he wishes that he had a little asian boi to cuddle with and tickle in bed because he thinks that’s cute. But by not mentioning my name or addressing me directly, though I can safely assume he means me, it is only an assumption. Call me crazy, but I find these mind games rather amusing and very sexy. Like I always say, the chase is half the fun. I think that is why most of my relationships have lasted so long. We are able to prolong the excitement so that once the relationship starts getting old and going into cruise control, we will have already been dating for nearly half a year at least.
Well anyway, so today I went shopping and got my entire fall wardrobe for $160 today. I’m very proud of myself. Yay for discounts and free stuff from friends. Misty, Anne Tyler, and I went back home and went dancing at Club Utopia and we took sooo many pictures, we even got in for free. We also explored the Lion’s Den sex shop down town on a random excursion. And then we went to Highland Coffee to hang out a bit and then Steak ‘N Shake to grab a bite before they went home. Then I went to meet up with some friends at Club E before I went home. It was really funny because the theme tonight was “Steak and ‘Shake’ It,” so everyone dressed up in white shirts and black pants and red bowties and stuff and getting down with their bad selves. My friends and I got down and dirty in the cages, that was kind of fun. Drew called me late and we talked for a really long time. I think he’s going to come see me soon. I want to show him around town and take him to the parks and walk around and talk and cuddle. I think that would be a lot of fun. Can anyone tell I’m a cuddler? I mean I’ll all about the hott sexy guys who would probably be great in bed, but I don’t want to fuck them…at least not right off the bat. I want to romance them and have relationships with them and developing feelings and a genuine connection. What can I say? I’m traditional-a hopeless romantic. I want the perfect guy in the perfect relationship to have the perfect life with me. Never going to happen, but one can dream.
Anyway, I should probably go to bed seeing as how it’s really late…or early, depending on how you look at it. I have to work in like 4 hrs and Nic and I have a lot of plans before I leave for Purdue. One last excursion as best friends. I’m really going to miss him when I go to college. Hopefully he visits me a lot. Though I am over my crush on him, I still love him dearly. He may not get his stories straight, be a huge ditz, and is such a teenage fairy queen, but he is still my best friend, now and always.
Love you all! Anyone who has not seen me all summer, you better hang out with me before I leave! (Even you Chris P. I don’t know where we stand because we rarely ever talk, but whatever phase of life you’re going though, know that you’ve got a friend in me. I’d like to leave with a solid base on that if at all possible.)
So anyway, I did not start this entry to become a movie critic. “The Man I Love” just kind of got me thinking. Danny’s HIV did not develop long enough for him to have to take pills incessantly and be in and out of the hospital on a regular basis. It sounds so cruel, but I’m glad that he died so that he would be spared from all the misery and pain. Sometimes I wish that he were still here with me. I miss him. I miss cuddling in bed with him, smelling his shampoo fragrant hair after a late night shower, hearing his adorable little laugh, kissing his soft lips… I know I cling onto too much, but I’m just afraid that I’ll forget him-forget what we had. Danny, if you’re up there watching my type this, know that, despite my moving on with my life, I still think about you everyday and I love you with all my heart.
Okay, onto lighter things. I had a very fun day. Yesterday, I went to the gym and then I went to a HS reunion party with some of my friends. Then I hung out with Wes a bit and decided I wanted to go out and do something so I went to Gracie’s house and we started on our Gay film Festival and watched “Better Than Chocolate.” Not that we really watched any of it, we pretty much sat around talking and then chatting, she on her laptop and I on my phone. Then I went back to Wes’s around 3 and spent the night with him again. We didn’t do anything else but cuddle…so no one should get any ideas. In the morning we were both awake, but just in that daze where we don’t want to get out of bed or do anything yet. Well he curled up next to me and told me he loved me…not cool at all. I’ve hung out with him a lot and we’ve had dinner together and stuff, but I explicitly made it clear that I just want to be friends right now. My love life is a tad bit complicated at the moment. Just as I am about to go to college, bois start liking me…how ironic? Chris is determined to see me before I go, because he hasn’t seen me since freshman year. After he stopped his obsession of me being his soul mate and the love of his life after ONE ten-minute phone conversation…he turned out to not be such a creepy guy. Derek I think is developing feelings for me again because he wants to cuddle a lot again and we haven’t cuddled since we liked each other junior year. Matt found out that I’ll be at Purdue and since he just moved from Bedford to North Vernon, he wants to get back together with me, but he’s just looking for sex, so even if he’s hott, I don’t think that will be happening.
Right now I really only want to explore my options with Wes or Drew. I like Wes so much, he’s perfect, but he’s too perfect. He wants to date me through college and move in together after I graduate so we can start our lives together. That’s not what I want right now. College is a time to explore, live your life, find out about yourself and about what life has to offer. I do not want to be tied down to a long-term relationship. I want someone fun and exciting who will explore with me and open my eyes to new, different, and exciting things. That’s where Drew comes in. He’s going to be a sophomore at UK, studying psychology. He’s very cute, but also very superficial. He has a good heart and he’s hilarious, but at times he can make me sad. Like when he says that he never wants to make his bed or mop his own floor or clean his own bathroom, he sounds very spoiled. He also eats out all the time and settles for nothing but the best. The thing is, like Danny, though he can seem like a spoiled brat, he is not annoying about it. He just leads a different lifestyle than I do and I have to learn not to be quick to judge and find the charming side in him. I’m actually growing quite fond of him. It’s very fun because he is a big tease, too, and we love playing with each other’s minds online. We hint that we like each other, but we suggest barely enough so that it seems that the other is over analyzing things and just making assumptions. He likes me, I know it. But he’s never said it, nor will he admit to it. He just says stuff like he wishes that he had a little asian boi to cuddle with and tickle in bed because he thinks that’s cute. But by not mentioning my name or addressing me directly, though I can safely assume he means me, it is only an assumption. Call me crazy, but I find these mind games rather amusing and very sexy. Like I always say, the chase is half the fun. I think that is why most of my relationships have lasted so long. We are able to prolong the excitement so that once the relationship starts getting old and going into cruise control, we will have already been dating for nearly half a year at least.
Well anyway, so today I went shopping and got my entire fall wardrobe for $160 today. I’m very proud of myself. Yay for discounts and free stuff from friends. Misty, Anne Tyler, and I went back home and went dancing at Club Utopia and we took sooo many pictures, we even got in for free. We also explored the Lion’s Den sex shop down town on a random excursion. And then we went to Highland Coffee to hang out a bit and then Steak ‘N Shake to grab a bite before they went home. Then I went to meet up with some friends at Club E before I went home. It was really funny because the theme tonight was “Steak and ‘Shake’ It,” so everyone dressed up in white shirts and black pants and red bowties and stuff and getting down with their bad selves. My friends and I got down and dirty in the cages, that was kind of fun. Drew called me late and we talked for a really long time. I think he’s going to come see me soon. I want to show him around town and take him to the parks and walk around and talk and cuddle. I think that would be a lot of fun. Can anyone tell I’m a cuddler? I mean I’ll all about the hott sexy guys who would probably be great in bed, but I don’t want to fuck them…at least not right off the bat. I want to romance them and have relationships with them and developing feelings and a genuine connection. What can I say? I’m traditional-a hopeless romantic. I want the perfect guy in the perfect relationship to have the perfect life with me. Never going to happen, but one can dream.
Anyway, I should probably go to bed seeing as how it’s really late…or early, depending on how you look at it. I have to work in like 4 hrs and Nic and I have a lot of plans before I leave for Purdue. One last excursion as best friends. I’m really going to miss him when I go to college. Hopefully he visits me a lot. Though I am over my crush on him, I still love him dearly. He may not get his stories straight, be a huge ditz, and is such a teenage fairy queen, but he is still my best friend, now and always.
Love you all! Anyone who has not seen me all summer, you better hang out with me before I leave! (Even you Chris P. I don’t know where we stand because we rarely ever talk, but whatever phase of life you’re going though, know that you’ve got a friend in me. I’d like to leave with a solid base on that if at all possible.)