At All Hours
Again I post at an absurd hour in the morning, but I really can't help that. I live in the whee hours of the morning when everyone else is asleep in their beds dreaming of pretty things. I've always been this way. Dad told me once that he and Mum had tried to make me run on a schedual but that was when I was two or three. If it didn't work then why should it work now?
-laughs- Anway.
Life as of today is okay. Since Skysky and I talked last I've been playing with the idea of what I'm going to do after high school even though it is two years away. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to The Conservatory of Recording Arts and Siences in AZ. It isn't my top pick because of loaction or reputation but because that it accually does have a program in live sound.
I truly wish my high school experiance was over with because I am about to explode with how much I want to be in a sudio or on the road with a band making music. I can only do so much with my lovely home computer.
And on that note my Sis has gone to some site that is making my compy act strangely. She is blaming it on facebook but I told her she lies.... It was one of her porn sites. -laughs- Or not.
I love you all!
Oh under the cut is my latest fan fic Breaking Point. I wrote it from tragic_ennui but I thought I might as well post it here as well. It's not happy as usall.
Toshiya slid one of his long slender legs over Karou’s lap, massaging the elder man’s narrow hips as he settled himself comfortably into his new position between his leader and Karou’s desk. The bassist watchful brown eyes flickering over his leaders angular featured face taking in the hate that was carefully hidden behind layers of self made stress.
“I see you.” Toshiya spoke biting his plump bottom lips as his words spilled from his mind into the open space between his and Karou’s intertwined bodies. “I see you watching me when we practice and when we leave for the studio everyday. I see you. You look at me as though you want to take one of your guitar strings and wrap it about my throat and take all that I have away from me.”
Toshiya let his forever corrupt smile fade from his lips as Karou let his eyes slip from his face and rest somewhere over his right shoulder. The guitarist voice holding no protest against Toshiya’s words.
The lithe bassist let his fingers drip away from Karou’s hips, a distant feeling of regret from confronting the other man about his suspicions beginning to seep into his essence.
“You don’t deny it?” Toshiya asked quietly seeing no reason to bring forth the full power of his voice.
Karou’s lips formed a sad smile as he drew his eyes back to Toshiya’s face only inches away. When he spoke his voice was weak the edges of each syllable he spoke tattered with long hidden pain.
“I don’t think you’re as happy as you could be, not with him.”
The bitter sweetness of Karou’s words tainted Toshiya’s mouth called moisture to the bassist eyes. His reply to Karou’s madness coming to be before his mind could even comprehend that he had spoken.
“You know nothing about us.”
“He never says anything, it’s as if he is blind to the world living in a scared silence.” Karou tried to shove his bassist from his lap suddenly uncomfortable with the emotions that he was being made to face.
Toshiya would not be moved as he spoke. “He says more than either of us… and he understands me.”
Karou shook his head unwilling to submit anger filling him as Toshiya fought against all that he believed. “I don’t believe that even for an instant. How could someone so deep within himself show any love for you? You a musician a man that lived life to the fullest.” Karou framed Toshiya’s beautiful face with his small hands. Callused fingers tracing Toshiya’s sharp cheek bones.
“You must have needs that he cannot comprehend.”
Toshiya shook his head and pulled away from Karou’s misdirected touch. Leaning backwards as far as he could trapped between Karou’s desk and Karou’s own slight frame.
“You’re wrong, he makes me see butterflies in the middle of the night and directs me in broad day light when I have forgotten my way. He is always there for me.”
Karou sighed his mind finally broken as he say no hope left to bring Toshiya to him. The small man groped to Toshiya’s side feeling for the contents of one of the drawers in his desk, speaking in words so fait it was hard for even reality to document their presence in time.
“Leave him, come be with me. Be mine.”
Toshiya laughed weakly and tried to stand though his action and words were stopped when the cool metallic barrel of a gun was pushed into his sculpted stomach muscles.
Karou looked at Toshiya his eyes sad as though the bassist could have stopped his actions with a few simple words. But that time, that brief instant, that opening had passed never to be again.
“You’re happy, he is happy and I am existing in misery. Why don’t you join me?” There was no time for Toshiya to escape before Karou had pulled the trigger sending him into an eternal silence.
And finally, everything was quiet.
-laughs- Anway.
Life as of today is okay. Since Skysky and I talked last I've been playing with the idea of what I'm going to do after high school even though it is two years away. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to The Conservatory of Recording Arts and Siences in AZ. It isn't my top pick because of loaction or reputation but because that it accually does have a program in live sound.
I truly wish my high school experiance was over with because I am about to explode with how much I want to be in a sudio or on the road with a band making music. I can only do so much with my lovely home computer.
And on that note my Sis has gone to some site that is making my compy act strangely. She is blaming it on facebook but I told her she lies.... It was one of her porn sites. -laughs- Or not.
I love you all!
Oh under the cut is my latest fan fic Breaking Point. I wrote it from tragic_ennui but I thought I might as well post it here as well. It's not happy as usall.
Toshiya slid one of his long slender legs over Karou’s lap, massaging the elder man’s narrow hips as he settled himself comfortably into his new position between his leader and Karou’s desk. The bassist watchful brown eyes flickering over his leaders angular featured face taking in the hate that was carefully hidden behind layers of self made stress.
“I see you.” Toshiya spoke biting his plump bottom lips as his words spilled from his mind into the open space between his and Karou’s intertwined bodies. “I see you watching me when we practice and when we leave for the studio everyday. I see you. You look at me as though you want to take one of your guitar strings and wrap it about my throat and take all that I have away from me.”
Toshiya let his forever corrupt smile fade from his lips as Karou let his eyes slip from his face and rest somewhere over his right shoulder. The guitarist voice holding no protest against Toshiya’s words.
The lithe bassist let his fingers drip away from Karou’s hips, a distant feeling of regret from confronting the other man about his suspicions beginning to seep into his essence.
“You don’t deny it?” Toshiya asked quietly seeing no reason to bring forth the full power of his voice.
Karou’s lips formed a sad smile as he drew his eyes back to Toshiya’s face only inches away. When he spoke his voice was weak the edges of each syllable he spoke tattered with long hidden pain.
“I don’t think you’re as happy as you could be, not with him.”
The bitter sweetness of Karou’s words tainted Toshiya’s mouth called moisture to the bassist eyes. His reply to Karou’s madness coming to be before his mind could even comprehend that he had spoken.
“You know nothing about us.”
“He never says anything, it’s as if he is blind to the world living in a scared silence.” Karou tried to shove his bassist from his lap suddenly uncomfortable with the emotions that he was being made to face.
Toshiya would not be moved as he spoke. “He says more than either of us… and he understands me.”
Karou shook his head unwilling to submit anger filling him as Toshiya fought against all that he believed. “I don’t believe that even for an instant. How could someone so deep within himself show any love for you? You a musician a man that lived life to the fullest.” Karou framed Toshiya’s beautiful face with his small hands. Callused fingers tracing Toshiya’s sharp cheek bones.
“You must have needs that he cannot comprehend.”
Toshiya shook his head and pulled away from Karou’s misdirected touch. Leaning backwards as far as he could trapped between Karou’s desk and Karou’s own slight frame.
“You’re wrong, he makes me see butterflies in the middle of the night and directs me in broad day light when I have forgotten my way. He is always there for me.”
Karou sighed his mind finally broken as he say no hope left to bring Toshiya to him. The small man groped to Toshiya’s side feeling for the contents of one of the drawers in his desk, speaking in words so fait it was hard for even reality to document their presence in time.
“Leave him, come be with me. Be mine.”
Toshiya laughed weakly and tried to stand though his action and words were stopped when the cool metallic barrel of a gun was pushed into his sculpted stomach muscles.
Karou looked at Toshiya his eyes sad as though the bassist could have stopped his actions with a few simple words. But that time, that brief instant, that opening had passed never to be again.
“You’re happy, he is happy and I am existing in misery. Why don’t you join me?” There was no time for Toshiya to escape before Karou had pulled the trigger sending him into an eternal silence.
And finally, everything was quiet.