All This Pain Is Seducing Me...
Sometimes I think I just want to be alone forever. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was completely happy. How would that feel? How would I function? Would the once thought permanent choke in my throat be gone forever? Would I know how to deal? So many questions about something that seems so out of reach.
Happiness is misery.
I am sitting here trying to help a friend out of his misery-when that's all I live in.
I sound like some fucking whiny ass teenager, I realize. I can't seem to help it. I can't feel good. I constantly worry about everything. I feel empty inside. Where my heart should be feels like an empty, cold box. Not cold because misery has made me cruel, but cold because I feel alone. I am surrounded by people, but I have never felt so goddamned alone.
Every time I think I feel good, it all goes away.
It all just goes away.
Happiness is misery.
I am sitting here trying to help a friend out of his misery-when that's all I live in.
I sound like some fucking whiny ass teenager, I realize. I can't seem to help it. I can't feel good. I constantly worry about everything. I feel empty inside. Where my heart should be feels like an empty, cold box. Not cold because misery has made me cruel, but cold because I feel alone. I am surrounded by people, but I have never felt so goddamned alone.
Every time I think I feel good, it all goes away.
It all just goes away.