Ashleys rant from hell...
Ive had to sneeze all day...
Sometimes it will come out, sometimes it just stays.
My nose burns so bad.
I also ate to much food...
I feel like im gonna throw up.
I feel like im gonna pass out.
My parents left to take colin home.
He spent the night lastnight.
And we slept and watched tv for most of the day.
It was so nice to wake up and him being here.
My mom was nice today becuase he was here.
She actually made breakfast this morning.
I dont get it.
Shes nicer to my friends than she is to me.
He thinks i should show them more respect.
I dont show people respect unless they give it to me.
Im not used to people telling me what to do.
10 years now ive taken care of myself.
Ran my life just fine.
Im not a drug addict.
Im not going to fuck up my life.
Im not like her.
Im not like him.
"Teens arent raised by there parents...
There raised by there peers"
Depends... if there parents are there to show the path of doing something good with there life and are a good example to them, its not true.
If there parents are never home,
Always drunk when they are home.
Or sober and ann asshole when they are home.
Its absolutly true.
Becuase in words of her...
"No parent would stay home just to take care of there teen."
Well... sence i was 7 to 8 years old...
Ive taken care of myself.
Listened to myself, and my sisters advice.
With a dad off in the distance to help me out when i needed a sholder to cry on.
My sister - The only mother.
Just so happens to be unfair to me that shes 16,000 miles away from here. I dont blame her though, i would be too if i had a choise.
17 is in 3 days, and i get to choose again.
She seems to be better off without the "family" or what is left of it. Which i dont see being a problem.
She told me yesterday...
"whenever she gets into your shit, tell her... when im 18, dont expect a christmas card, birthday call, anything from me... you werent there for me or my sister so why should i be there for you"
In all truth i think that is a bold statement, which is mostly all truth.
Im thankfull that i dont have to go through what she went through... which alot you all dont know but let me give you some insite on what life was like for her....
Most if not all of my moms "boyfriends" beat her.
Also a few made her watch them fuck.
My dad put a knife to her throght.
Beat the shit out of her. constantly.
The cops were at the house 3-4 times a week looking for my mom because of charges..
She has a warrent out for her arrest in a cupple towns.
My mom left for days... weeks... months at a time with me to take care of.
She had to have a job to buy food for the house and pay the bills.
She went to 19 diffrent school districts and never really had time to make friends.
At 16, she had to drop out of school becuase my mom left her a note one day saying "pack up your stuff, im gone so you have to move out before you get thrown out... the house is sold and your on your own."
Thats why she lives so far away.
I put no blame on her for leaving when i was 5.
We moved to clinton twp becuase my mom met don when we lived in st. clair shores.
she dated 2 guys at once... She asked who i liked better... i had to say don becuase he used to be good to me and gave me money all the time and would buy shit for me.
Obviously that was a huge mistake.
Oh well, cant dwell on the past.
But im not... im worried about tomorrow... and the next day...
And where ill be in a week from now.
It fucking sucks so bad.
She now has a husband and a side boyfriend.
Which don dosnt know about...
But should.
My mom and don both smoke pot.
My family consists around alcohol.
And ... i ... wish ... it would all go away.
Dont say what i should and shouldent do...
If your going to give me advice.
Tell me what you think.
Not what you know i should do.
This is me.
My best friend is my sister.
I dont really have a mother who is glad that she birthed me...
My dad is there for me emotionally which i need but usually... im so god damn busy i end up forgeting who he really is.
The friend who gets me through everything is stephanie, and im so greatful to have her.
I cry to much to know what most happiness is.
I have a boy who treats me like im a person.
Which i couldent be happier about.
And it gives me all reason to do the waking up in the morning.... or afternoon.:)
I fear everything.
I fear growing up.
Becuase i had no childhood that i can remember.
I fear people.
I fear bad people.
Becuase i almost being kidnaped as a child. My mother never told me.
Maybe thats what she would have wanted.
And sence then i have never owned a shirt with my name on the back of it.
I fear life.
Becuase i havent lived.
I love the smell of a breeze off the ocean late at night.
When i sit there and talk to her about what it is all truthfully about.
Id give everything.
Just to have a night like that again.
Then i know when i die.
It will be in peace.
So everything bad can wash up shore.
And the skies wont be red.
And rain in a bloody mess...
I havent cried in a long time...
Sence ive been with colin.
I feel im going to have to let everything out tonight.
And give into crying.
It will give me a headach... but it will make me feel a lot better.
That was my rant from hell... Hope those who actually read it... will know me better...
Not knowing what its like to have a childhood memory that was actually good...
But knowing that all of it... i can put right back where it belongs, just to have a better tomorrow.
Goodnight, and have a fun walk, through heaven.
Sometimes it will come out, sometimes it just stays.
My nose burns so bad.
I also ate to much food...
I feel like im gonna throw up.
I feel like im gonna pass out.
My parents left to take colin home.
He spent the night lastnight.
And we slept and watched tv for most of the day.
It was so nice to wake up and him being here.
My mom was nice today becuase he was here.
She actually made breakfast this morning.
I dont get it.
Shes nicer to my friends than she is to me.
He thinks i should show them more respect.
I dont show people respect unless they give it to me.
Im not used to people telling me what to do.
10 years now ive taken care of myself.
Ran my life just fine.
Im not a drug addict.
Im not going to fuck up my life.
Im not like her.
Im not like him.
"Teens arent raised by there parents...
There raised by there peers"
Depends... if there parents are there to show the path of doing something good with there life and are a good example to them, its not true.
If there parents are never home,
Always drunk when they are home.
Or sober and ann asshole when they are home.
Its absolutly true.
Becuase in words of her...
"No parent would stay home just to take care of there teen."
Well... sence i was 7 to 8 years old...
Ive taken care of myself.
Listened to myself, and my sisters advice.
With a dad off in the distance to help me out when i needed a sholder to cry on.
My sister - The only mother.
Just so happens to be unfair to me that shes 16,000 miles away from here. I dont blame her though, i would be too if i had a choise.
17 is in 3 days, and i get to choose again.
She seems to be better off without the "family" or what is left of it. Which i dont see being a problem.
She told me yesterday...
"whenever she gets into your shit, tell her... when im 18, dont expect a christmas card, birthday call, anything from me... you werent there for me or my sister so why should i be there for you"
In all truth i think that is a bold statement, which is mostly all truth.
Im thankfull that i dont have to go through what she went through... which alot you all dont know but let me give you some insite on what life was like for her....
Most if not all of my moms "boyfriends" beat her.
Also a few made her watch them fuck.
My dad put a knife to her throght.
Beat the shit out of her. constantly.
The cops were at the house 3-4 times a week looking for my mom because of charges..
She has a warrent out for her arrest in a cupple towns.
My mom left for days... weeks... months at a time with me to take care of.
She had to have a job to buy food for the house and pay the bills.
She went to 19 diffrent school districts and never really had time to make friends.
At 16, she had to drop out of school becuase my mom left her a note one day saying "pack up your stuff, im gone so you have to move out before you get thrown out... the house is sold and your on your own."
Thats why she lives so far away.
I put no blame on her for leaving when i was 5.
We moved to clinton twp becuase my mom met don when we lived in st. clair shores.
she dated 2 guys at once... She asked who i liked better... i had to say don becuase he used to be good to me and gave me money all the time and would buy shit for me.
Obviously that was a huge mistake.
Oh well, cant dwell on the past.
But im not... im worried about tomorrow... and the next day...
And where ill be in a week from now.
It fucking sucks so bad.
She now has a husband and a side boyfriend.
Which don dosnt know about...
But should.
My mom and don both smoke pot.
My family consists around alcohol.
And ... i ... wish ... it would all go away.
Dont say what i should and shouldent do...
If your going to give me advice.
Tell me what you think.
Not what you know i should do.
This is me.
My best friend is my sister.
I dont really have a mother who is glad that she birthed me...
My dad is there for me emotionally which i need but usually... im so god damn busy i end up forgeting who he really is.
The friend who gets me through everything is stephanie, and im so greatful to have her.
I cry to much to know what most happiness is.
I have a boy who treats me like im a person.
Which i couldent be happier about.
And it gives me all reason to do the waking up in the morning.... or afternoon.:)
I fear everything.
I fear growing up.
Becuase i had no childhood that i can remember.
I fear people.
I fear bad people.
Becuase i almost being kidnaped as a child. My mother never told me.
Maybe thats what she would have wanted.
And sence then i have never owned a shirt with my name on the back of it.
I fear life.
Becuase i havent lived.
I love the smell of a breeze off the ocean late at night.
When i sit there and talk to her about what it is all truthfully about.
Id give everything.
Just to have a night like that again.
Then i know when i die.
It will be in peace.
So everything bad can wash up shore.
And the skies wont be red.
And rain in a bloody mess...
I havent cried in a long time...
Sence ive been with colin.
I feel im going to have to let everything out tonight.
And give into crying.
It will give me a headach... but it will make me feel a lot better.
That was my rant from hell... Hope those who actually read it... will know me better...
Not knowing what its like to have a childhood memory that was actually good...
But knowing that all of it... i can put right back where it belongs, just to have a better tomorrow.
Goodnight, and have a fun walk, through heaven.