hair
I want to dye my hair again. Its and addiction.
I felt really depressed yesterday and have been thinking about boyfriends again. Seeing all these happy couples around me make me want to shoot myself. I need another job too, fast, one that pays well. I want to move out but I feel guilty because my parents are saying that I hate them, which is not true, I love them but I am also scared that if I do move out, it will make things worse with everyone. I have never lived on my own and never lived with anyone besides my family. I don't want to ruin any friendships cause I know how much of a bitch I can be. Still does not change the fact that I will do it.
Yesterday while on the bus to school, I thought a lot about this person that I think I like, and how he will probably reject me cause I have rejected him twice now. Its a shame how we search and search for things when mos the time they are right in front of us and it takes so long to realize that they are there.
Then while in class I felt like the most unexperienced singer untill I got up in front of the class and sang, and everyone was telling me how well I did. It made me feel joyous, and having that affirmation that what I am doing will in fact be beneficial to not only my ego which needs to have a boost, but to my professional career. I love music.
And I have been having a lot of dreams about sex, a lot with really random people. All of which I know.