wow it's come to this
Well i know i haven't writen in like forever! i know this...well it's mostly because i feel like i haven't been my self and all my life is crumbling down before me. Honestly i have to say this past year has been the worst year of school i've ever had...don't get me wrong, i have had more fun than ever before. but it's only been a part of it. I can remember so much better feelings and better relationships in the past than this entire year. I feel this entire year here has been all about people being fake, evil, liars, and just not there. I guess what i'm trying to say is that this is the most alone i've felt in my entire life. And while i have grown to accept it. I don't have to like it. Friends here are nothing that i have ever experienced before. They are all caught up in themselves. I feel my only purpose is to help them with their own problems when no one realizes that i'm basically crying every night. and don't wish to get up in the mornings. I wish to lay down and never leave. No one gives a shit. no one cares anymore. I think i've talked more to my mother in the past couple weeks more then i have in all two past years together. I call her cause i know she will talk...sure about herself and her alements...but she will also always ask how i'm doing about what is going on with me. And i tell her everything. I don't have friends to do this with anymore. No one is worth all my time and friendship right now. I have no one. No one wants me to be their only friend. their best friend. their one. I gotta say it hurts. I must say that i am not the same person anymore. Now that i know i can do things by myself and make my own decisions. just makes me feel that friends aren't what i thought they were. I never in a million years would have expected to hear that come out of my mouth. I reverded my friends to be higher than my family at one point in time. Now they are so low on my scale, i can't even breathe. I have been the most alone this year then ever before. THe most alone. That just means that my greatest fear has come to age. i'm alone.