Quote Wall
"I like to spank my burrito." -Claudia
"I would be pissed off if I was pissed on." -Diana
"Take that and multiply it by...fuuuuuuuck." -Claudia
"Suck a dick a day, prevent tooth decay." -John
"This party's so bunk, even my phone is dying." -Andy
"I'm over this phase of my life." -Jesse re: Britney Spears
"I woke up with the remnants of dry cum on my chest." -Diana
"I was crying about the Pleistocene era." -Diana
"Does a rhetorical question need a question mark?" -Diana
"I wanna do that...I wanna give someone head on the Matterhorn." -Diana
"What are you doing? You better not stick it in!" -Claudia
"I want someone to have edible panties made out of cheese...like a string cheese thong." -Alyssa
Andy: I just woke up very hungover in a pool of confetti and self-pity, I think this is how the Party Monster kids felt.
Alyssa: Viva la fiesta!
"Well if the boy wants to eat me out, I'm not gonna say no." -Diana
"Dude, I've gotta read these lyrics." -Alyssa re: Badd Bitch
"I told him to pound me like you pound...something." -Vince
Vince: Have you ever been a lesbian bar?
Claudia: No, why?
Vince: I was just wondering, do those work?
Claudia: My tits?!
"Are you voguing to 'My Dick'?" -Alyssa
"The might not be my fries, but I love them as if they were my own." -Andy
Claudia: How would you cook me?
Alyssa: What do you mean?
Claudia: How would you cook me?
Alyssa: Oh, well....
Leo: have you been driving down De La Vina tonight?
Alyssa: no?
Leo: well, I saw some unopened sting cheese on the ground
"I'm about to PDA all over him." -Joaquin
"Someone smells like dildo." -Alyssa
bujias87: oh man i'm starving right now ugh
missymoonbeam86: im not...cause i ate my weight in ribs
missymoonbeam86: did you know that place delivers?
missymoonbeam86: we should move to ventura
bujias87: omg!
bujias87: fuck yes!!!
bujias87: ohhhhhh taste fatty ribs delivered hot on a daily basis
bujias87: YES DAILY
bujias87: FUCK DOUGHNUTS I WANT RIBS WITH MY BREAKFAST!!!!
missymoonbeam86: LOL
missymoonbeam86: i love you andy
"I'm Taxin' Jackson and I'm gonna TAX THAT ASS." -Nadia
"Andy's tail looks like the stock market." -Alyssa
"Well did you at least buy her something pretty the next day... like a burrito?" -Alyssa
"Hey, watch out for my donkey." -Vanessa
"I haven't cried, I'm not drunk yet" -Nadia
"I'm not drunk, I just can't keep my balance." -Nadia
"I'm not hungover, I just have the stomach flu." -Nadia
"He tried to start a mosh with hippies." -Andy
"Can we get a pitcher?" -Andy
"At least you're not the fat guy." -Everyone but the fat guy
"So we take a mattress." -Andy
"Could have had a V8!" -V8 commercials, et. all
"Tea is roughing it." -Vince
"Follow them, they're Ecuadorian!" -Random person
"I'm like a bottomless pit." -Claudia
"I don't think I've ever had a train pulled on me..." -Leo
"Your vag is a pussy." -Clawdizzle
"But what can I do? I'm a straight girl living in a gay world." -Diana
"I'm big and black!" -Alyssa
"THIS IS WHAT FISH FEEL LIKE." -Crazy drunk girl in jail
"Well there's really no nice way to say this: take off your shirt." -Nipple piercing gentleman
"I'm gonna bone your fridge." -Vanessa
"Oooh, my nipples are so hard, I hope there's nobody around who wants to lick them...forcibly." -Andy
"TEAM LACTOSE: Fighting Crimes Against Cheese...like veganism."
bujias87: ok i have to get an "this is my first time, i'm very sorry, please don't condemn me to 30 days of butt sex with no lube" outfit together
"I have a question...Grill pans." -Bitch looking for grill pans.
Andy: Are you a trust fund kid?
Girl: My last name is Hernandez!
"Do I still look like a penis?" -Girl dressed as a penis
Customer: Wow, you really know your stuff.
Alyssa: What can I say, spatulas are my passion.
Customer: You really need to get a life.
"Does the marker taste like sprinkles?" -Otto
"Let's play a game...Truth, dare, double dare, eat me out." -Alyssa
"Let's kill that handle and go to the movies." -Andy
LostInRevery3: how was st. pattys?
MissyMoonbeam86: haha, funny you should ask
MissyMoonbeam86: i just finished mopping up green vodka
"You're talking to fucking yoda over here." -Bay
"Vince, your penis is like Claudia's boobs: it's all over the place." -Andy
*Alyssa pulls Andy's hair**
Amy: So you're one of those "I like pain" freaks?
Alyssa: WE'RE NOT FREAKS!
Claw Dee Uhh: i'll....
Claw Dee Uhh: bite your vagina
Claw Dee Uhh: really hard
MissyMoonbeam86: first you've gotta catch it!
MissyMoonbeam86: **running vagina**
Claw Dee Uhh: WHY IS IT RUNNING??@
MissyMoonbeam86: consuelo needs her exercise
bujias87: i wanna go to the movies cuz its only in the dark of a movie theater where i'm not self conscious about eating a costco size barrel of pop corn
"I'd sell you for donuts." -Otto
"It's like a baby: if it cries you give it a bottle." -Andy (re: Claudia)
Claw Dee Uhh: i love you
MissyMoonbeam86: i love you more
Claw Dee Uhh: don't start that, i'll kill you
"Nipple rubbing and butter, oh god yes!" -Andy
MarydToMyself: yeah i really want to work at our school museum instead of swim
MarydToMyself: i'd have so much more fun
MarydToMyself: plus then maybe i could intern at a museum at some point
MissyMoonbeam86: you're such a nerd
MarydToMyself: no i'm not!
MarydToMyself: well i am but you are totally a nerd too
MissyMoonbeam86: yeahh.. but im a cool nerd
MarydToMyself: no
MarydToMyself: you're a nerdy nerd
MarydToMyself: who the fuck wants to drive to all the missions in california besides us?!
MarydToMyself: oh man, we should go to mass at all the missions
MarydToMyself: drunk
"That's cause I'm a hetero guy and I like sneakers." -Gilbert
"After I had to wash it out of my hair, my life changed forever." -Ravin
"Why's it called West Side Story if it's in New York?" -Andy
"I'm so hungry I could eat a vagina." -Ravin
Alyssa: What I wanna know is why there's three hispanics in the house and I'm still the one who does all the cleaning?
Vince: Because you're still a woman.
"When you say birthday fairy I just picture someone like Leo in a tutu." -Ravin
unsavoryplatypus: what's up with the fake eyelashes?
MissyMoonbeam86: new years
MissyMoonbeam86: you're puttin em on me
unsavoryplatypus: is there a theme?
unsavoryplatypus: other than, "we live in sb and like to be slutty"
MissyMoonbeam86: not really
MissyMoonbeam86: but i'm gonna wear a bra and tie
"Ice niggers?" -Antonio
unsavoryplatypus: the next shot should be to felicia and how she isn't a little whore
Alyssa: Andy's brother said I look like a little boy.
Phoebe: Well maybe if you put on some lipstick...
"Munster is like gouda but less drastic." -Alyssa
"Sometimes I wish I had a quote wall." -Andy
"Learning Spanish is like playing Scrabble...It's like you have the perfect word but you're missing one letter." -Alyssa
"I'll put the parrot in your pussy." -Claudia
unsavoryplatypus: i have a question
unsavoryplatypus: if i'm dating someone, is it okay to make out with gay boys?
"My panties are from Sri Lanka!" -Alyssa
(with the utmost disdain) "You cut your hair." -Border patrol guy when he looked at my ID
"WE GET IT, HE'S FABULOUS." -Claudia
"I'm gonna get this thing at Urban; it's a headband with mistle toe...But nobody will be under it cause I'm short." -Claudia
"Why are we no longer in an open relationship?!"-Leo
unsavoryplatypus: you're a crappy other
MissyMoonbeam86: !2!@|312
MissyMoonbeam86: thats mean
unsavoryplatypus: you're dating a girl with the same name as a character from the babysitters club, and you didn't even tell me!
MissyMoonbeam86: uhhh
MissyMoonbeam86: nerdy much?
"Why are you sad? If I was a cute lesbian I'd never be sad." -Andy
"You're sexy that's what you are...I turn dykes into bi's all day long." -Random guy in IV
"...And he was being a drunk little diva at Mr. Pickles..." -Claudia
"If one more gay boy sucks on my neck, I'm gonna scream." -Alyssa
"Have I told you about Jesus?" -Alyssa
"Are all lesbians lazy or is it just you and Claudia?" -Andy
Andy: You know what this tastes like?
*inquisitive look from Alyssa*
Andy: Not getting rejected.
"Children are the ultimate STD." -Andy
"I have to take my socks off otherwise I'll wake up tired." -Andy
(singing) "I'm looking at turtledoves and...jacking off." -Leo
Leo: We're sitting around eating Trix and Lucky Charms and watching Ben & Jerry.
Sky: Ben & Jerry?
Leo: ...Tom & Jerry
bujias87: I HATE U U LEFT WITHOUT ME!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM....i think i'm home REGARDLESS I HATE U!!!! I HOPE SPATULAS MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE....BTW tell felicity i said hi
(in reference to girls) "I'm really not picky."
(five minutes later in reference to food) "What? I'm picky."
-Alyssa
"My jugs aren't nearly as big as my lenses." -Mom
Alyssa: Hey Patrick, what color is this shirt?
Patrick: ...liiight red?
Alyssa: That's my boy.
Patrick (rather maliciously): ...also known as pink.
"I AM NOT A YO-YO." -Ravin
(to me) "You dropped some balls." (to Ravin)"...And you have hummus in your hair." -Gilbert
Manny: Hey, pour me a chaser.
Alyssa: What do I look like, your bitch?
Manny: You're in my house.
Alyssa: So? You don't pour me shit when you're in my house. Besides, I'm a girl.
Manny: You're a lesbian!
Alyssa: I'M WEARING A SKIRT!
"I have an idea." -Andy
"We should get purple red cups." -Alyssa
kim coxx: you know
kim coxx: up until maybe like a month ago
kim coxx: i thought you were leo's straight best friend.
Me: So did you see any cowboys?
Mom: (with sadness in her voice) No, no cowboys on this trip. But there'll always be time for cowboys, I was good this time...At least that's what he said.
Manny: Hey guys, what does repent mean?
*Leo and I explain*
Manny: Wtf, why is this banana telling me to repent daily?
*Confusion*
Leo: That says "Repeat"
"It's like the Irish mafia is working here." -Some guy as he was leaving Sur La Table
"So just bitch-slap me if I ever I get like that, ok?" -Mom
"Just think rainbows and ponies...rainbows and ponies..." -Manny
"Oh my god! American Eagle is for straight people and fat gay guys who wanna feel small." -Leo
Mom: Doesn't every guy want a precious slut?
Patrick: Well at least dad got his.
"My toe hurts from laughing and I forgot to put on my Crest Whitestrips." -Bayardo
Religious Studies professor: ...and we'll talk about the big question: Why are we here?
Leo: To do each other.
"All of a sudden I was on my knees and it was like, 'Hey, where's the cock?'" -Leo
Leo (to Mary): Alyssa spoons me every night.
Mary (to Alyssa): You never did that to me..
"Chile is like the next California, it has a booming economy." -Thomas
"Did you just offer that bird cigarette?" -Alyssa
"You just don't let anyone put their fingers in your vah-jay-jay." -Ravin
"Someone fingered me...I'm not sure who." -Leo
"You've been outcocked." -Leo
"Two Egg McMuffins and a fucking grapefruit...It's not that hard." -Gerardo
“I have little hooves.” -Bayardo
“RED HAIR!” -Daniel and Gerardo
"It smells like I just fisted an orange." -Alyssa
"You need a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend...or a dog." -Bayardo
"I hate Marvin Gaye, he always messes up my porn searches." -Ryan
"Can I tip you in vodka?" -Ravin
"Well we need to drive down the big hill anyway so we can see the monkey-Jesus." -Ravin
"There are sober children in India!" -Leo
"I can't whistle or snap...But other than that, I'm perfect." -Alyssa
"I don't mock, I lovingly correct." -Me
"I let you grab my junk but you won't let me see your titties?!" -Chris
"Don't just say 'pasta' and walk away!" -My mom
*Ryan sticks out his tongue for the piercer*
Chris:Wow, Ryan has a long tongue, I never noticed that.
Piercer: Well have you had much contact with his tongue?
"You... stop it with the words!" -My mom
"Leave it to you to take something innocent and shove it up your ass." -Me (to Ryan)
"More of the chocolate but not a complete absence of caramel." -Patrick (after mom asked him what he wanted in the ice cream she MADE for him)
"I mean, I like you always... but when we're both on the bathroom floor throwing up together, I feel this special connection." -Chris (post- my birthday)
"Peeing alone is like being a gingerbread man." -John
"I'm gonna molest your ceramic Asian." -Aaron
"I like hookers." -Mr. Kane (our high school art teacher)
"That little whore laid another egg." -My mom
"Bitch... you can be a princess some other day." -Alyssa
"I feel glorious (giggles) and my lungs tickle." -Chris
"I am quite ghetto and I'm packing." -Barbara
"I swear, sometimes I think you're a gay man trapped in a hetero girl's body." -Ryan
"I'mABigLesbain and Nigger called" -Ravin's mom
Ryan: BTW, I'm keeping the condoms
Alyssa: K, they were Mary's
Ryan: She won't miss them
Alyssa: They're the cheap ones from Planned Parenthood
Ryan: whatever, condoms are condoms
Alyssa: such words of wisdom
Ryan: I won't be on the recieving end, so I don't have to worry if they're cheap or high class rubbers
Alyssa: haha, I see you're a very considerate top
"Hey Alyssa, why don't you go through the slut pile and see if you can find something?" -Chris
"You think Chris has a crush on Buddha?" -Alyssa
"At least if we get raped by strangers, we won't have to worry about carrying their children." -Mary
"I had a real problem with bees when my hair was orange 'cause they thought I was a flower." -Ravin
"You wouldn't think he could make a lecture out of that. Yet every time I so much as sneeze, 'Oh, are your allergies acting up? Well let me turn this conversation so it's about me.'" -Patrick
"Pink lemonade is one of the best chasers. Don't you just picture a big glass of lemonade (with little legs) chasing around some poor little shot glass of vodka? 'Cause i do."-Alyssa
"It would be so much easier if not everybody who lived in France was named Louis." -Mary (studying for Art History)
"I'd like to study cowboy's asses in tight jeans." -My mom
Ryan: Chris, would you rather be violated or sodomized?
Chris: Sodomized
Ryan: But that sounds so much worse
Chris: Sodomized is just getting butt fucked... Hey, remember that one time I sodomized you?
"Ok, I know I'm not suppose to ask women about this kinda thing but I figure since I'm gay I'm kinda 1/2 woman so..." -Ryan
"Yeah, I swallowed one of my balls once."-Alyssa
"God damnit! Does this have banana in it?" -Ravin
"We're poppin' all kinds of cherries tonight." -Alyssa
"At least put the margarita down so you can hold me." -Chris
"I see happiness" -Marty (re: boner)
"Time flies when drama ceases..." -Ashley
"I can't wait 'til you have to pop one out." -My mom
"Regardless of what that just meant, penis is better than vagina....unless you need to store things." -Ryan
"I just wanna kick someone in the shins, I don't care who it is as long as they cry." -Ravin
"I was pretty sheltered in high school. Besides doing it on the football field, I didn't do anything." -Mary
"Long story short, I breast fed the cat" -Chris
"If there's gonna be drama in the group, It better be me. " -Kiki
"Oh look at the pretty glitter. I want to be a princess!" -Ravin
(in utter amazement)"How did you get that banana?!" -Ryan
"When you can do a goat, get back to me." -Ryan
"I don't mean to sound assholish..." -Joe
"Have you ever made rain?" -Mary
"If you were a big slab of bacon, I'd eat you." -Mary
"It's good to be glossy sometimes." -Gilbert
"We're almost as badass as Uma Thurman... Not quite though." -Mary
"Life isn't always about gay sex." -Ravin
"10:14!" -Alyssa and Ravin
"Jesus Christ on a cracker, you are a pixie!" -Ravin
"My ass and jaw are sore" -Ryan
"You need to cut back on your bitch pills, or you'll like OD." -Ravin
"Fuck you, you poker!" -Mary
"Shouldn't you be somewhere sulking at a turkey?" -Ravin
"Boobs should always be big." -Mary
"Boys (gay or straight or WHATEVER ) are stupid." -Ashley
"You should really look in to not being such a bitch." -Ravin
"My mum was pregnant once." -Glenn
"I've got a computer full of penis if you really want it." -Ryan
"I'm a potty dancer... I always have been." -Ravin
"YOU DIDN'T SEE IT?!?" -Bonny