is this the end?
There's small ships and big ships, but the best ships are FRIENDSHIPS!
i honestly wish i could believe that. yes, and this is one of my "i'm sad" blogs. so if you don't want to deal with it, then just stop reading here.
i have always considered myself to be someone who kept a look out for his friends, through whatever situation...tried being A FRIEND! a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. these are things you've heard of before. of every friend i have had, i have only considered two people to be my best friends and even at that...BROTHERS!*Luis and Johnny* i have found my comfort with the both of them to come to them and talk my situations out. but because of certain individuals, in which were never mentioned to me, are ruin and manipulating things for me. i have lost friends before in which i've probably never really made a big deal out of. but knowing that FINALLY what i've feared the most is becoming my reality. once again, something i've mentioned before. tonight it was proven to me that whom i've thought were my "friends" aren't even my friends at all. yes, we might do things together to spend time...but to finally be slapped in the face knowing that it's all one big lie, it kills me. i've been dragged on the floor, walked all over on, spit on like dirt in the past...but not once did i ever thing it'd be done by YOU! since the day i met you, we grew attatched. we've grown to know EVERYTHING about each other, that now, we've talked about moving in together in a different city. NOW i question myself if it's true that you really wanted to do this, or if this was just one big lead on to find an excuse to leave. i don't know, and the day i do...it might hurt, or i might jump for joy. all my friends are leaving me behind, not by choice, but by grabbing on to an opportunity. do you not realize how much i feel now knowoing how much you've kicked me in the ass with reality. i've clinged on to you, understood you, helped you...did everything, bent backwards for you to get you what you wanted, and now you're dropping everything like i'm just some random person. you don't see how much i cry for you...because it hurts that you throw me to the side, and believe everyone else instead of hearing the truth from me. you go to your friends with your problems and fix them with them...but when it comes to our problems, you let everything get in the way and don't give me the chance to hear me out. friends try to help out each other, but true friends never let go no matter what the situation is. you letting me go like this is only proving to me that i'm no one to you. and fine with me...maybe now you don't want me in your life! but that's for you to decide if that'd be my loss in the end, or yours! from now on, whatever your decision is yours...not mine! all i know is that i tried my best to make you the best you can be...not change you, but guide you! not once have i tried "fathering" you as you've put it, i just tried being the older brother YOU GAVE ME THE IMPRESSION TO BE and help you out...but you letting these little rumors get in our way, blind you, and now look what it's doing to us. it honestly is breaking our friendship apart. you and i both know that if you go back home, you're going to be upset with me for awhile, and we're not going to talk..i'm just going to be another face on the street when you see me. i might want to say hi, but you'll only turn the other way. you've told me before that little rumors (as much as you say they've been proven to you) don't bother you when you care for a certain person. now it makes me wonder if you've ever cared for me if you're letting things people say and "show you" what i've supposibly said to them...and yes i'm going to out this certain thing. but when people do talk to me about you, they usually just ask how WE know each other and if we've ever dated. WHY? because they've seen our pictures together from the past, along with my blogs when i would write about you and how happy i was to be with you. how can i talk bad about you when i have nothing to say about you? as it is, i'm always willing to help you with whatever and you see that i do! oh, and one other thing...don't forget that i am mexican and i do intend to talk in spanish! but only because i talk in spanish does not mean that i'm talking shit about you. you say you understand? well if you did, you would know that it's hardly ever you that i'm talking about. and when i do, it's because they're asking a question and it just comes out naturally BECAUSE I'M MEXICAN! sorry that my nationality comes to me naturally and i do use it. it's in your conscience though to know that you're guilty about something and i'm supposibly outing you. that's the doubt you give me, and the proof the you don't take me real and our friendship seriously...because if this really meant something to you, then we'd be issue-less and the BEST OF FRIENDS! i just don't know what to do anymore...not just with you, but with everything!
i honestly wish i could believe that. yes, and this is one of my "i'm sad" blogs. so if you don't want to deal with it, then just stop reading here.
i have always considered myself to be someone who kept a look out for his friends, through whatever situation...tried being A FRIEND! a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. these are things you've heard of before. of every friend i have had, i have only considered two people to be my best friends and even at that...BROTHERS!*Luis and Johnny* i have found my comfort with the both of them to come to them and talk my situations out. but because of certain individuals, in which were never mentioned to me, are ruin and manipulating things for me. i have lost friends before in which i've probably never really made a big deal out of. but knowing that FINALLY what i've feared the most is becoming my reality. once again, something i've mentioned before. tonight it was proven to me that whom i've thought were my "friends" aren't even my friends at all. yes, we might do things together to spend time...but to finally be slapped in the face knowing that it's all one big lie, it kills me. i've been dragged on the floor, walked all over on, spit on like dirt in the past...but not once did i ever thing it'd be done by YOU! since the day i met you, we grew attatched. we've grown to know EVERYTHING about each other, that now, we've talked about moving in together in a different city. NOW i question myself if it's true that you really wanted to do this, or if this was just one big lead on to find an excuse to leave. i don't know, and the day i do...it might hurt, or i might jump for joy. all my friends are leaving me behind, not by choice, but by grabbing on to an opportunity. do you not realize how much i feel now knowoing how much you've kicked me in the ass with reality. i've clinged on to you, understood you, helped you...did everything, bent backwards for you to get you what you wanted, and now you're dropping everything like i'm just some random person. you don't see how much i cry for you...because it hurts that you throw me to the side, and believe everyone else instead of hearing the truth from me. you go to your friends with your problems and fix them with them...but when it comes to our problems, you let everything get in the way and don't give me the chance to hear me out. friends try to help out each other, but true friends never let go no matter what the situation is. you letting me go like this is only proving to me that i'm no one to you. and fine with me...maybe now you don't want me in your life! but that's for you to decide if that'd be my loss in the end, or yours! from now on, whatever your decision is yours...not mine! all i know is that i tried my best to make you the best you can be...not change you, but guide you! not once have i tried "fathering" you as you've put it, i just tried being the older brother YOU GAVE ME THE IMPRESSION TO BE and help you out...but you letting these little rumors get in our way, blind you, and now look what it's doing to us. it honestly is breaking our friendship apart. you and i both know that if you go back home, you're going to be upset with me for awhile, and we're not going to talk..i'm just going to be another face on the street when you see me. i might want to say hi, but you'll only turn the other way. you've told me before that little rumors (as much as you say they've been proven to you) don't bother you when you care for a certain person. now it makes me wonder if you've ever cared for me if you're letting things people say and "show you" what i've supposibly said to them...and yes i'm going to out this certain thing. but when people do talk to me about you, they usually just ask how WE know each other and if we've ever dated. WHY? because they've seen our pictures together from the past, along with my blogs when i would write about you and how happy i was to be with you. how can i talk bad about you when i have nothing to say about you? as it is, i'm always willing to help you with whatever and you see that i do! oh, and one other thing...don't forget that i am mexican and i do intend to talk in spanish! but only because i talk in spanish does not mean that i'm talking shit about you. you say you understand? well if you did, you would know that it's hardly ever you that i'm talking about. and when i do, it's because they're asking a question and it just comes out naturally BECAUSE I'M MEXICAN! sorry that my nationality comes to me naturally and i do use it. it's in your conscience though to know that you're guilty about something and i'm supposibly outing you. that's the doubt you give me, and the proof the you don't take me real and our friendship seriously...because if this really meant something to you, then we'd be issue-less and the BEST OF FRIENDS! i just don't know what to do anymore...not just with you, but with everything!