*Act of Trust*
i'm told that i should think things over. of things of what have happened in the past, things that are to come in the future...but most important of all, what's going on right now!
what's not to see with things that are going on right now? i think my main issue of many is...the whole thing with johnny having a boyfriend. it's weird how people can tell things...if him or i would get jealous, or just "try to get in the way", if the other had a boyfriend. one thing, neither one of those is true. although it's what it seems like right now. but it isn't. i've actually thought to myself why things with me are the way they are. his fear from his past of getting hurt has become my own fear. it's not so much that i don't like his boyfriend arthur, which i can honestly say that i do nor don't. i know i've said in past entries that i might not like him, only because, yes...maybe i am a little jealous! but it's a lot more then that. it takes a lot for me to like an individual period. you either get on my good side or you don't. that is...if i give you my time. sounds a little like "i'll give you my time when it's convenient to me". and it might be. only reason why i'm keeping a look out for johnny is because i do love him a lot, and i do care for him that i don't want to see him hurt. he says that arthur would never hurt him. but honestly, you can't single out people just like that only because you care a lot for that person. you should always keep your guard up, regardless if you like the person a lot or not. and not only that, but it's every guys favorite line to say "i'm different from the others!" i honestly do single myself out because not once have i hurt any of the guys i've talked to, dated, or made things official with...which has only happened once. but even at that, there's a handful out there that are actually faithful, loyal, and someone you can trust 110%. and even at that (trust), they have to earn it...don't give it your all right there in then, the next day, a week or two from now. trust takes time. and that's what i'm trying to get from arthur. not so much that i should care or not for him cuz i personally don't know the guy all that much. at that, i only know his name, that he's dating my little brother, and just the two or three times that we've hung out for like 20-30 minutes. it takes a lot for me to trust someone! not only because i know how guys work, but because of how i've been treated in the past, along with how friends of mine have been treated. i may be harsh about this situation at times...but it really isn't anything personal. YOU (Johnny) might see this whole situation like the big brother just looking out for the younger sibling, being a little overprotected. whoa...which leads me to how you would bring it to my attention, "I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am and I don't wanna be so damn protected." sound a little familiar? mm'hmm, that's how you try explaining yourself to me. through a britney lyric. and i've actually sat and tried understanding by that. i hope you and everyone else understands me a little now. i'm noone to be bitter, nor am i trying to ruin your happiness with it. (or am i? lol i'm kidding) I LOVE YOU FULANO! AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT!
"To love is an opportunity. To be loved is a gift!"
what's not to see with things that are going on right now? i think my main issue of many is...the whole thing with johnny having a boyfriend. it's weird how people can tell things...if him or i would get jealous, or just "try to get in the way", if the other had a boyfriend. one thing, neither one of those is true. although it's what it seems like right now. but it isn't. i've actually thought to myself why things with me are the way they are. his fear from his past of getting hurt has become my own fear. it's not so much that i don't like his boyfriend arthur, which i can honestly say that i do nor don't. i know i've said in past entries that i might not like him, only because, yes...maybe i am a little jealous! but it's a lot more then that. it takes a lot for me to like an individual period. you either get on my good side or you don't. that is...if i give you my time. sounds a little like "i'll give you my time when it's convenient to me". and it might be. only reason why i'm keeping a look out for johnny is because i do love him a lot, and i do care for him that i don't want to see him hurt. he says that arthur would never hurt him. but honestly, you can't single out people just like that only because you care a lot for that person. you should always keep your guard up, regardless if you like the person a lot or not. and not only that, but it's every guys favorite line to say "i'm different from the others!" i honestly do single myself out because not once have i hurt any of the guys i've talked to, dated, or made things official with...which has only happened once. but even at that, there's a handful out there that are actually faithful, loyal, and someone you can trust 110%. and even at that (trust), they have to earn it...don't give it your all right there in then, the next day, a week or two from now. trust takes time. and that's what i'm trying to get from arthur. not so much that i should care or not for him cuz i personally don't know the guy all that much. at that, i only know his name, that he's dating my little brother, and just the two or three times that we've hung out for like 20-30 minutes. it takes a lot for me to trust someone! not only because i know how guys work, but because of how i've been treated in the past, along with how friends of mine have been treated. i may be harsh about this situation at times...but it really isn't anything personal. YOU (Johnny) might see this whole situation like the big brother just looking out for the younger sibling, being a little overprotected. whoa...which leads me to how you would bring it to my attention, "I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am and I don't wanna be so damn protected." sound a little familiar? mm'hmm, that's how you try explaining yourself to me. through a britney lyric. and i've actually sat and tried understanding by that. i hope you and everyone else understands me a little now. i'm noone to be bitter, nor am i trying to ruin your happiness with it. (or am i? lol i'm kidding) I LOVE YOU FULANO! AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT!
"To love is an opportunity. To be loved is a gift!"