aftermath day 5 part 2

[rainbeetle]

why am i still holding on?

what am i feeling all these pain?

i mean, not a single ounce of concern have been shown...

i keep telling myself this...

but yet i can't seem to let go...

letting go....

so easy to say...

so hard to do...

i tried to be happy...

i really tried...

i am really sorry, my friends.

if after all your help, i am in wallowing in my pain...

just let me be for awhile more k?

i really need to go through the pain...

i am not perfect...

i am not strong...

i need to cry

i need to blame

i need to go through every detail to see where i went wrong

i need to go through all the what ifs to see how i could have done it differently

i need it

please do not tell me that things will be better

rather

i rather you tell me to cry it out

i rather you tell me that i am being stupid to feel this way

you do not need to make it all nice and fuffy for me

i know it was all one sided

i know that i am being stupid to believe in something like that...

but i have crashed and burned

now let me slowly heal my wounds

if you cannot take it seeing me being in misery

you are welcome to leave

i will come find you when i have healed

but leave if you cannot take it

i need to take it slow

please do not make me speed up the healing process

i can't do that

thank you.