Rant, Cool story, Dianna Agron Likes Girls, some coming of age type stuff
When Dianna Agron first made her tl;dr about gay pride and the shirt, I hadn't yet realized all I disliked about her actions. And I was going to make a blog entry about a significant event in my life as a lesbian. Then I started to find her actions problematic and I didn't want to make my lesbian-story post. Now, I'm thinking back to the story I was going to post and am reminded of exactl why I didn't like the way Dianna Agron went about doing what she did.
My story was going to be about the first time I identified myself as a lesbian to someone outside my close circle of friends. It was when I was in 9th grade. It had only been in the previous year that I had even admitted to my friends that I was sexually attracted to girls. So I definitely wasn't ready to come out waving the rainbow flag. In 9th grade this new girl started attanding my school. She was an asshole who never lost an opportunity to talk about me behind my back or in front of my face. In fact, she was like a straight Santana Lopez but worse and I was like a Rachel Berry but less annoying. I don't know how she found out, but she must have heard a rumor that I was a lesbian. So after school I'm chillin on the back steps of the school with my when she comes up to me with her army of skanks two friends and says, "I need to ask you something" and drags me away from my fucking premium spot. Away from my friend, but surrounded by her friends, she asks me, "Do you like girls?" Inside I was like:
But outside I was like:
I put on my Santana-Lopez-Is-Judging-You face, rolled my neck a little and said, "Yes." My heart raced so fast I thought it would explode, but I kept myself cool on the outside. She gave me the "oh so that's it?" look and walked off.
This was a huge moment for me. I had just started inching out of the closet. And I knew this girl would tell people that I replied in the affirmative. But thankfully that brief moment of courage was something I could not undo. There would be no pretending I was not a lesbian when I had told my worst enemy that I was. And from then on I was much more comfortable with people, friends or not, knowing my sexual orientation.
Thinking back on this story I realized that the exact phrase my arch nemesis used was, "Do you like girls?" There was absolutely no mistaking what she meant by the question. She did not want to know if I thought girls were awesome. She didn't want to know if I had generally positive feelings about girls. She didn't care if I appreciated what the girls and women in my life had done for me. She wanted to know if I liked girls in the way that meant I wanted to have sex with them, and kiss them at the altar. The way that was generally thought to be sinful, gets girls discriminated against, kicked out of their homes, cut off from their family and "friends." To equate liking girls in a sexual and romantic way with liking girls in a platonic way is a disservice to me. It dilutes something that is meaningful to me and makes my experiences as a lesbian seem like they're not a big deal at all. But in this time and place my "liking girls" is a very big deal. A much bigger deal than just having a female friend.