Amazed Ch04 Part:01
[Ch.4; Pt.1]
A/N: Thanks, again, to moontear for beta-reading this. Really, if you haven’t yet checked her work out, please do. She’s an amazing writer. Thank you to all my readers who have kept with me thus far. I’m sorry it took such a long time to get this chapter out.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters of Kingdom Hearts.
Warning: There’s some adult content within which may not be suitable for younger viewers; viewer discretion is advised.
Ch. 4
So Close, Yet So Far Away
With arms still intertwined, we approached the tall, steel school gates which were blackened, rusted and crumbling - discolored and beaten from years of exposure to the hot, salty island air. The bars of that gate had once been strong, and untarnished, but now they were rotten and pitiful. The closer we came upon the school grounds, the more my resolve to face the day chipped and flaked away, much like the surface of those decaying prison bars. My anxiety grew near insufferable, turning almost into panic when I realized that I would soon have to face my friends - the very people that I’d hurt and betrayed.
I had carelessly accepted the darkness, and unintentionally caused the ruin of Destiny Islands. All I wanted was to take Sora and leave this place; everyone and everything else didn’t matter. It was a cold, selfish and reckless act, one which most would not easily forgive.
Most were not like Sora.
Sora inhaled sharply, unhooking his arms from Kairi’s and mine, and ran in the direction of three very familiar faces. He jumped and grabbed, who I recognized as Tidus, in a suffocating embrace. Wakka, who seemed to have grown a few more inches, wrapped his arms around both boys, lifting them off the ground as he did.
My senses were suddenly overwhelmed by the deafening squeal that came from Selphie. She bolted toward me with her arms in the air, but fell midway after tripping on her own toes. I laughed, noting she still hadn't grown out of her clumsy phase, and offered my hand to steady her. Selphie returned my laugh, shortly replacing it with another scream as she wrapped her arms around my neck and dragged me down to her height.
“Riku, Riku, Riku! I’ve missed you so much!”
“Uh…I’ve missed you too,” I said with some hesitation, and I avoided eye contact to prevent my nerves from going over the edge. I was happy to see her, really, but her spontaneous and unexpected burst of affection took me by unwelcomed and very much unneeded surprise. All I could do was force a smile.
I didn’t remember her being so intimate in the past, at least, not with me. I wondered what else had changed, and not just in Selphie, but in all those who I shared the vital years of my childhood with. Wakka, Tidus, Kairi…Sora. I would be a fool to think that their physical appearance was the only thing different about them.
For a fleeting moment, I thought of returning Selphie’s hug, but after catching the lopsided grin that Sora gave me, the notion quickly disappeared. Surely he had gotten the wrong idea - I could tell, not only by his impish smirk, but by the way he arched his brows in amusement. Little cherub wings and a bag filled with arrows practically sprouted from his back as he winked in my direction.
The thought of Sora conspiring to play cupid in an effort to hitch Selphie and I together made my skin crawl. Seeing Tidus hang all over Sora only added to my feelings of disgust and caused my whole body to tense. Selphie noticed and loosened her grasp from around my neck.
Selphie’s cheeks rosied, and she smiled up at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uneasy,” she apologized.
“No, it’s okay. I haven’t seen you guys in so long. I think I’m in shock.” I forced another grin, hoping she couldn’t see right through it.
“You must be. I’ve never seen you smile so much in one day. It’s unlike you,” she said, and pinched my cheek.
“Hey!” I swatted her hand and rubbed where she left my face aching.
Selphie covered her mouth and giggled. “Now there’s the look I’m used to seeing.”
“What are you getting at?”
“I think she just called you grumpy, ya?” Wakka yelled between cupped hands. I placed my hands in my pockets and tried to maintain a cool composure as everyone laughed at my expense.
“Aw, but I think it’s cute,” Selphie cooed, pinching the other side of my face. Sora, who still had Tidus clinging to him from behind, crossed his arms in a knowing fashion, and his sly smile bore a hint of satisfaction. It was as if he had just single handedly uncovered a well buried, dirty little secret of mine. He definitely had the wrong idea.
Tidus kept his grip on Sora, nuzzling contently in Sora’s hair. I tried to ignore my old friend’s overly physical display of affection. After all, he and Sora were close. So Instead of clobbering him with my fists, like I really wanted to do, I settled for sending him the most dangerous stare I could muster. My glances went completely unnoticed by Tidus, but not by Wakka and Selphie, who glanced at each other and broke out into laughter. Wakka threw his head back as he tried to hold in a laugh which came out as a snort. Selphie laughed so hard, she held her sides and nearly fell forward.
“What happened? What’s so funny?” Sora questioned with a flustered expression. He was completely oblivious, as always. Tidus was too busy drooling in Sora’s hair to care, and Kairi just rolled her eyes.
We were like this for a while, talking, smiling, laughing, just like we always had. I would’ve believed that somehow, I stepped into an alternative universe - one in which that night had never occurred - but the look on Kairi’s face proved otherwise. Her jaw stiffened, forming a frown on her lips, and her eyes narrowed, drilling into me one message: don’t forget what you did. It was the same sort of expression I expected from Wakka, Tidus or Selphie, yet all I felt from them was relief in their eyes and joy in their voices. How was it that I escaped any sort of persecution?
Wait - Could it be that neither of them knew? Had Kari not said anything? Despite the way she’d been acting, had she actually taken pity on me and decided not to expose my crimes?
No, it was more probable that Sora begged her to stay silent.
“Shit!” I just remembered. “Sorry guys, Sora and I need to go. We have important business with the principal.”
“Wait, you didn’t take care of that yesterday!?” Kairi placed her hands on her hips and raised a reprimanding brow.
“No, we forgot.”
“How could you forget something so important?”
“We were busy.”
Kairi shook her head in disappointment.
“Sorry, Kai, it slipped our minds,” Sora repented, begging for forgiveness through pleading eyes - there wasn't a soul who could stay mad after receiving such a ridiculously cute expression, which was comparable to that of a puppy or a small child clinging on to their blanket. Poor Kairi, she didn’t stand a chance.
“I expect that from you, Sora. But from Riku?” Kairi turned toward me and leaned forward, causing her to appear even more chastising than she had before.
“Hey, at least we came,” I said defensively. “We could have ditched.”
That headache, I could feel it coming on again. Why was she so irritating? She was getting under my skin more than usual, and it wasn’t only her. Everything that morning seemed so overwhelming difficult to deal with.
It was just too much. Between the stress of facing my friends, Kairi’s attitude and Tidus pressing dangerously close to Sora, I couldn’t take it. I felt cornered like a little rabbit caught in a bear trap. I wanted so desperately to escape.
I could hear myself breathing heavily. My fingernails dug against the flesh of my palm. My chest tightened. Before my thoughts slipped into a haze, I faintly wondered how my heart could withstand its racing. Lost in the fog of distress that my body was producing, I tried to grasp onto what I could to maintain a sense of self. That’s when I saw it: that part of me which still held on to the darkness. The part that I thought was carefully locked away.
“Wait,” Selphie said, placing her hand on my chest and shocking me out of the world I was slipping into. I haphazardly looked around, desperately searching for him. I found his crystal blues etched and marred with worry.
That face. Why did I always make him look like that?
“Everyone calm down,” Selphie continued. “What exactly is going on?”
“They haven’t registered,” Kairi answered.
“For classes?”
“For school.”
“But why would they have to see the principal for that? Don’t you normally register at the administration office?”
“Yes, but Sora and I are missing too many classes,” I interjected once I calmed myself a bit. “We may even be held back.” Sora closed his eyes and shook his head, visibly shivering at the thought.
“Man, that sucks. But hey, I’m sure it’ll work out in the end. Stay positive, yeah?” Wakka reassured and elbowed Sora in the ribs, causing him to rapidly recoil. Tidus released himself from Sora to prevent both of them from falling.
“Okay. I get why you have to see the principal,” Selphie said with one hand on her hip as she looked upward and waved her finger in the air as if to organize the thoughts floating around her head. “But that wasn’t what I was asking. Why are you three so - I don’t know - edgy this morning?”
“That’s because I…”
“Riku, don’t,” Sora interrupted. “Look, I don’t want to keep you guys in the dark, but it would take a long time to explain everything that’s happened. A really, long time.”
“No worries, man,” Wakka said while slapping Sora in the back, hard enough to make Sora choke on his own spit.
“Yeah,” Selphie smiled and nodded her head in agreement.
“You can always tell us after school, right, Sora?” Tidus asked, rubbing Sora’s back where Wakka had slapped it.
“Um...”
“Sora,” Kairi crossed her arms and narrowed her gaze at him. “You can’t keep prote…”
Sora hushed Kairi, placing a gentle finger on her lips. “I know. Trust me, I know. But, I want to not think about it for a little while.”
“You don’t have to. Let me do all the talking.”
“No. This is something that Riku and I must explain. Please?” Sora grabbed Kairi’s hand and placed it against his chest. Again, the poor girl didn’t stand a chance. “It would mean a lot to me if you gave me more time. I still need to sort through my thoughts…and my feelings.”
“Are we still referring to Riku, or are we discussing something else?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“Fine,” Kairi resigned, placing her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“Thank you,” Sora breathed into her hair before placing his hands on her shoulders, leaving her to stand by my side. “You ready?” he asked me.
“Let’s go,” I yanked Sora by the wrist, roughly pulling him toward the office buildings. I wanted to run, to remove myself as far from what had almost happened as possible.
“Hey, Riku? Loosen your grip, you’re hurting me.”
His words caused me to let go. I froze, clenching my fists and grinding my teeth in anger towards myself. I closed my eyes and let the drum of slamming lockers resonate within me. I listened to the morning bell as it rang, and to the dwindling sound of chattering students and their footsteps. When the last classroom door was shut, I finally spoke. “Sora, I lost control. It was only for a moment, but I lost it.” I started in the opposite direction but the gentle pressure of Sora’s smooth, warm fingertips against the cold flesh of my arm paralyzed me. He was a keyblade wielder, why were his hands so soft, or was it that my skin was just rough?
“Riku, don’t go…I’m sorry, so please don’t go.”
“Sorry? What are you sorry for?”
“I just…Kairi and I.”
“Forget about it.”
“…but.”
“Did you not hear what I said? I. Lost. Control. I can’t be here.”
“But you didn’t. The darkness didn’t take hold. You were able to fight it.”
“That’s because…Selphie’s touch was unexpected,” I mumbled the last part. “Sora, something’s going on. I don’t know what it is, but staying here and placing everyone in danger, it won’t find me the answer.”
“You’re scared.”
“What?”
“You’re scared. You want to leave, not because you’ll put everyone in danger, but because you’re afraid of hurting the people you care about.”
“So?”
“If you keep running away, you’ll never know whether you can control that darkness inside you. Don’t you understand? That fear of hurting your friends can become your power, your weapon against the darkness. You just need to know how to wield it, and the only way to find out is by facing what you fear.”
“A power to protect those who are important.”
“Exactly.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You have a strong heart.”
“I’m strong because I have friends who I can rely on, who I love and want to protect. You’re one of those people, Riku.”
It was only a confession of friendship, and honestly, I should've been used to that sort of thing from Sora, but I couldn’t help but feel a little happy hearing those words from his mouth.