old entries
WARNING: a lot of reading ahead
When we think back at our pasts.. past loves, past friends and people who were close to, we realize who we are and have become today is because of that past- good or bad. We are the person we are from our experiences. From the mistakes: we can only grow stronger. From past regrets: we can only get wiser. I don't think i ever regret anything that happens in my life. Granted, i do wish things dont happen the way they do a lot of times. But whateve happened is the past.
So i stumbled across my old journal entries from xanga years ago. I couldn't stop laughing when i read through what i've documented over the years. Most of the them are rather childish, and a lot of them are just funny. Funny in the sense that it's quite silly. Back then, our worries were few, yet we still managed to make a big deal out of everything. No wonder they called it "high school drama". We had no control over our emotions, and when mixed with puberty- things get messy.
*sigh* yea. ^___^ they were right when they say we're stupid when we're young. not "young and in love" but more like "young and stupid". It was Lana who said that to me a long time ago.. and i couldn't agree more.
well here are a few selected entries in chronological order. They begin with me in Freshmen year... (please excuse the extremely bad spelling & grammar errors.... not to mention the occasional illegible shorthand XD) Let me show you the days of Hello Kitty.. Sanrio.. Hilary Duff... Disneyland.. gym classes... and adding lots of "z" at the end of every word.
When i got pinched for not wearing green on St. Patty's Day:
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone
Whew! It's hooot today, huh? Was sweating like a pig. And had to play football n the sun for PE, too. Did anyone get pinched today? I did! 'Coz I kinda forgot we had ta wear green, and so almost everyone I talked to today would look me over up & down and say "Oh... you're not wearing green" *pinch* Oww... I didn't have green on me before, but now my arm's all green, blue & black. J/K. Well, that's it for now. Kinda short but gots to go. Laters.
When I stressed out about a class presentation:
Monday, April 19, 2004
hello
*groans* tomorrow is testing .and tomorow is my presentation for computer class.It's a powerpoint of "all about me''.Eh.Hate presentations.they make me soo nervous.*sniff sniff*uh........................................*sneeze sneeze* I'm really really sick right now.First it was running nose, then sneezing and then a liltle coughing.*cough* see.yeah.. i always seem to get sick when the weather gets cold.*sniff sniff* Can't wait till summer, then, there is no possible waay i can get sick.Hooray!! If you are wondering what i'm doin in class. hehehe I'm playing 'super mario world' and trying to play 'counter strike'. And when i say 'trying' i mean like ,getting into the game without getting my butt shot down by a couple of guys sitting by me.Grrness.Man, they are good.Or I really really suck.Yup.I suck. Well, gonna go continue my game now.Buhbye
Back When I stilled used disposable cameras:
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Hey heys.^__________^. wahoohoho. Just finished testing today.Whew.Big stresser. Thank god it's over.For this week anyways.Fifteen more minutes till class is over. yay..I want fooooooooood. So hungry.*tommy growls* yup. I'm craving a pizza.Hmm...anyways, today,I took a whole bunch of pictures.Used up almost all of my disposable camera.It was soo fun!!! Oh hey, to the Etiwanda peoples: remember to vote for my friend Lisa for Prom Queen. GOod Luck!!!
When we ditched school to go to Disneyland:
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Hello!! I had soooooooooo much fun yesterday. Me Lana and her friend Long went to Disneyland. Weeeee!! Yup i get to ditch school. But i had to get home by 4 pm tho. Still that was like 3 hours of fun. Well, we didn't really go to Disneyland, coz most of the time we were at the California's Adventures. Bought lunch from 'Lee's Sandwiches' and Lana got a box of strawberries with chocolate syrup.Hmmm.... so yummy. And then we went on the new Tower of Terror ride. O_O Scariest Disneyland ride ever. Compared to other places, it was a ''wussy'' ride. I liked sooo much that we went again before we left. Yeah. Too bad Lana didn't get on with us. She was too scared. Rather stick to her Snow White and Peter Pan rides. She went only once before and that was it. Never went again. hehe. Anyways, I was really scared too on the first time, and almost broke Long's arm cause i was holding on too hard. But then the second time ,I actually didn't close my eyes, and raised my hands. Yeah, that's basically my day yesterday. Ha. I called Lena during her 2nd period just to tell her i was on the way to DIsneyland. Which was kinda mean, coz she had to run the mile in PE right then.
The last few days of Freshmen Year:
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Three more days to end of school year. waaa... i'm so happy , yet so sad. happy because i finally get to get out of school, away from homework, teachers, away from drama and getting up every morning trying not to miss the bus. But i'm sad to leave my friends (Even if for the summer), and sad when i think of the fact that some of them won't be coming to Etiwanda anymore, that they will be moving on with their lives and me with mine.Sad that next year will be harder because there will be sooo much things to think of. It's not gonna be like freshmen year, all carefree and less homework.And next year, Lana might be living somewhere else, so i won't get to see her often. But i guess it's life.You have your ups and downs.Positives and negatives.
to Lena: hey gurl, hope you feeling better. Don't worry, by summertime, you'll forget all about it.-__-. hey i mean, there's always Trish and all of us. Never had that happen to me before, but i know it's really hard on you. see you laters kay? By the way, " if life throws you lemons, throw it back. Cause you don't want that s**t " Rite?
As i'm writing this, i'm devouring away a whole big bag of left over chex mix bag. i never believed it before, but i think that eating actually kinda help you get your mind off whatever unhappy or bad thought that you have.
When I cried about parents yelling at each other:
Monday, September 13, 2004
Another typical school day gone by... hot, sweaty, backpack full of 20lb books, class lectures, notes, homework, quizzes, the meaningless 20 minutes of SSR, blah blah blah. Basically nothing new, I guess. Hmm... well, minimum day on Thursday... planning to go watch movies. Oh hey, I heard "Resident Evil" was sooo lame. *shrugs* Guess that movie's off that list. Lately I'm running out of things to write. My entries are all bland, blah & boring. Not in the mood for xanga I guess... I need to get a Vocab level E book, yup... (changing subject) This year's been diff. than last year. You can say, it's better & also worse... Like I miss Lena. *pouts* In chorus, PE, Chieng's 6th period... hehe... memories. God we pissed him off last year. haha Yeah & Nicole too, wow, haven't sen her this whole year. OMG did she move? Anyways, then this year, I get to meet lots & lotsa new ppl. chich is awesome. I just miss the old peeps. They either graduated, moved or in 1st lunch. Oh hey, Peng came today. ^____^ Yup yup. Oiwee! I missed him. If only Julia, Sara, Micheal, Teddy, Vanessa, and Sirius were there too. Then, it'll just be like last year with all of us in one table. hehehe
Oh god... I hate it when I have to hear parents arguing... It really scares me. Why can't they just work it out in a more peaceful & nicer way? Is it that if they don't fight, then it'll be abnormal? Geez adults are so complicated. I mean, I don't even remember the last time I had an argument, besides that time in class debating ... *half an hour later It's quiet downstairs. I guess their done. *relief* major *relief*
First few weeks into Sophmore year:
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
*yawns* so much worthless time-consuming hw! Grr... darn those teachers. Thank god it's really easy homework tho. *blink* I'm not sleeping... I'm not sleeping... *yawns again* gots science left. Only 4 questions... I'll survive. Taking a break before continuing. Here's this joke I heard on the radio. And for those blondes reading this, please don't be offended. OK here it is:
Two blocks outside gazing at the moon & stars.
1st blonde: So, which do u think is closer? The moon or London?
2nd blonde: Well, it's kinda obvious. Oh. my. God. Of course the moon is, coz London's so far away you can't see it.
When I lost my samsung mobile phone (oh the devastation):
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Day after day, goes by without you. How could i be so careless? How could i ever lose you. You know what they always say.. You never know what u got until you don't have it anymore..I regret ever taking advantage of the fact that you were always there,day and night. When i need you most, there you were -pauses*sniff*..Everyday since you were gone...i think about you all the time. and i realize how depended i have been on you..*sniff again...*Waaaa.....i miss my cute little samsung soooo much!! ;_____;
....Ok moving on. Hey, anyone gone to Victoria Garden yeat?Awesome huh? Well i dont really know, coz i've only been there for like..ten minutish? and i spent all that time gawking at the clothes in A&F.haha...My friend works at PacSun!!! (never been there before, but hey , it sounds cool) Anywayz, today is cold! well not really cold cold but cool and brezzy in a nice way...ok welz that's it for nowz so....yeah...Enjoy the rest of the day and good afternoon! ^______^
The summer after i moved out of Fontana:
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Its sooooooo HHHOOOTTT!!! >_< 85 freagin degreesssss..although, i heard that its hotter inland. but stilll omg..sweating. . thank god for a thing for A.C. and yay. the jellyfishes at the beach is almost all gone. wooohooo...Its so amazing that when we had the whole herd of them, people still go to the beaches. i mean. ewwwww...and they hurt. anyways. HAAPPY BBIIRRRTTHHDDAAAYY to AJ!!!!!!! hes so short and sweet and 17!!!! ^_^ . that is all for today. have a nice hot summer day you guys.
and then of course.... there's my first heartbreak. That private journal entry i never showed anyone. It's so long ago.. and i don't care about it anymore.
LiveJOurnal- Hopelessncrazy
Thursday, August 4th, 2005 2:48 am
how little things remind me of u.
...its a wonder how little things remind me of u. u come to my mind at the most random moments. im not all that emotional about it anymore...but from time to time. i find myself crying thinking about you. i feel so weak and pathetic. but i cant help it. I want to shut my mind off you. Never have to think about u anymore. But i know its not possible. Nothing in the world would make me forget u. and anyways, deep down, i know that i DONT want to. because..because. just because. I did some things that are just so stoopid.. and i dont know how to block all those regrets out but still leave the pleasant moments. Every great thing i remember about u, theres a bad memory that goes with it...August 4th...exactly 103 days- 16 weeks- about 3 and 11 days since i last saw ur face. i miss u. or is it the happy times that i miss. maybe im just missing the times u held my hand and said that u love me. Or maybe the times i got to be with u, and how we complain about life. How i always have to tip my toes to get a kiss from you. And how u ditch ur class to see me at lunch. and id do the same. How we would go to the library from time to time, we would find our little corner and read random things- foreign language dictionaries, poetry, even baby names.
i think aobut your big gorgeous eyes. The eyes that say i love you. Or was that just my imagination. I think of the times im sitting on my bed whispering on Lana's phone talking to you, because everyones asleep. i remember when i come home from school, i always waited for the time when u got out of work at nite, so that i can talk to you. I remember staying up for hours and hours on the phone with you. and waking up to find that my phone was still on. and u were sleeping. and sometimes the other way. Or maybe the silly times we hang on the phone, one of us would say "i love you." and the other would say "i love you more" "naw aw, i love YOU more." "noooo..i love YOU more" "fine we love each other just as much"
i dont want to remember my selfishness. making u do things that u rather not do, but u do it anyways for me. i dont want to think about how that day, we stopped doing all of the above. i dont want to think about how u broke my heart by saying that u think its better for us to be just friends. i dont want to think about how i made u mad, and sad for doing somethings that i did. i dont wanna think about how that one day, u decide that u never want to talk to me anymore. And u didnt even say it to me. Instead, u had to tell ur friend to me ...i dont want to think of how many tears i wasted on you. i dont want to think about how i go crazy thinking about wat happened between us. i dont want to think about how i made a mistake. a huge mistake. and u did too. And most of all..i dont want to think that all this "love" was just a big lie. It was jsut a part of my wild crazy imagination. And that u never really felt anything that u said... and that u never left me…. cuz ive been alone all a long.
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When we think back at our pasts.. past loves, past friends and people who were close to, we realize who we are and have become today is because of that past- good or bad. We are the person we are from our experiences. From the mistakes: we can only grow stronger. From past regrets: we can only get wiser. I don't think i ever regret anything that happens in my life. Granted, i do wish things dont happen the way they do a lot of times. But whateve happened is the past.
So i stumbled across my old journal entries from xanga years ago. I couldn't stop laughing when i read through what i've documented over the years. Most of the them are rather childish, and a lot of them are just funny. Funny in the sense that it's quite silly. Back then, our worries were few, yet we still managed to make a big deal out of everything. No wonder they called it "high school drama". We had no control over our emotions, and when mixed with puberty- things get messy.
*sigh* yea. ^___^ they were right when they say we're stupid when we're young. not "young and in love" but more like "young and stupid". It was Lana who said that to me a long time ago.. and i couldn't agree more.
well here are a few selected entries in chronological order. They begin with me in Freshmen year... (please excuse the extremely bad spelling & grammar errors.... not to mention the occasional illegible shorthand XD) Let me show you the days of Hello Kitty.. Sanrio.. Hilary Duff... Disneyland.. gym classes... and adding lots of "z" at the end of every word.
When i got pinched for not wearing green on St. Patty's Day:
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone
Whew! It's hooot today, huh? Was sweating like a pig. And had to play football n the sun for PE, too. Did anyone get pinched today? I did! 'Coz I kinda forgot we had ta wear green, and so almost everyone I talked to today would look me over up & down and say "Oh... you're not wearing green" *pinch* Oww... I didn't have green on me before, but now my arm's all green, blue & black. J/K. Well, that's it for now. Kinda short but gots to go. Laters.
When I stressed out about a class presentation:
Monday, April 19, 2004
hello
*groans* tomorrow is testing .and tomorow is my presentation for computer class.It's a powerpoint of "all about me''.Eh.Hate presentations.they make me soo nervous.*sniff sniff*uh........................................*sneeze sneeze* I'm really really sick right now.First it was running nose, then sneezing and then a liltle coughing.*cough* see.yeah.. i always seem to get sick when the weather gets cold.*sniff sniff* Can't wait till summer, then, there is no possible waay i can get sick.Hooray!! If you are wondering what i'm doin in class. hehehe I'm playing 'super mario world' and trying to play 'counter strike'. And when i say 'trying' i mean like ,getting into the game without getting my butt shot down by a couple of guys sitting by me.Grrness.Man, they are good.Or I really really suck.Yup.I suck. Well, gonna go continue my game now.Buhbye
Back When I stilled used disposable cameras:
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Hey heys.^__________^. wahoohoho. Just finished testing today.Whew.Big stresser. Thank god it's over.For this week anyways.Fifteen more minutes till class is over. yay..I want fooooooooood. So hungry.*tommy growls* yup. I'm craving a pizza.Hmm...anyways, today,I took a whole bunch of pictures.Used up almost all of my disposable camera.It was soo fun!!! Oh hey, to the Etiwanda peoples: remember to vote for my friend Lisa for Prom Queen. GOod Luck!!!
When we ditched school to go to Disneyland:
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Hello!! I had soooooooooo much fun yesterday. Me Lana and her friend Long went to Disneyland. Weeeee!! Yup i get to ditch school. But i had to get home by 4 pm tho. Still that was like 3 hours of fun. Well, we didn't really go to Disneyland, coz most of the time we were at the California's Adventures. Bought lunch from 'Lee's Sandwiches' and Lana got a box of strawberries with chocolate syrup.Hmmm.... so yummy. And then we went on the new Tower of Terror ride. O_O Scariest Disneyland ride ever. Compared to other places, it was a ''wussy'' ride. I liked sooo much that we went again before we left. Yeah. Too bad Lana didn't get on with us. She was too scared. Rather stick to her Snow White and Peter Pan rides. She went only once before and that was it. Never went again. hehe. Anyways, I was really scared too on the first time, and almost broke Long's arm cause i was holding on too hard. But then the second time ,I actually didn't close my eyes, and raised my hands. Yeah, that's basically my day yesterday. Ha. I called Lena during her 2nd period just to tell her i was on the way to DIsneyland. Which was kinda mean, coz she had to run the mile in PE right then.
The last few days of Freshmen Year:
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Three more days to end of school year. waaa... i'm so happy , yet so sad. happy because i finally get to get out of school, away from homework, teachers, away from drama and getting up every morning trying not to miss the bus. But i'm sad to leave my friends (Even if for the summer), and sad when i think of the fact that some of them won't be coming to Etiwanda anymore, that they will be moving on with their lives and me with mine.Sad that next year will be harder because there will be sooo much things to think of. It's not gonna be like freshmen year, all carefree and less homework.And next year, Lana might be living somewhere else, so i won't get to see her often. But i guess it's life.You have your ups and downs.Positives and negatives.
to Lena: hey gurl, hope you feeling better. Don't worry, by summertime, you'll forget all about it.-__-. hey i mean, there's always Trish and all of us. Never had that happen to me before, but i know it's really hard on you. see you laters kay? By the way, " if life throws you lemons, throw it back. Cause you don't want that s**t " Rite?
As i'm writing this, i'm devouring away a whole big bag of left over chex mix bag. i never believed it before, but i think that eating actually kinda help you get your mind off whatever unhappy or bad thought that you have.
When I cried about parents yelling at each other:
Monday, September 13, 2004
Another typical school day gone by... hot, sweaty, backpack full of 20lb books, class lectures, notes, homework, quizzes, the meaningless 20 minutes of SSR, blah blah blah. Basically nothing new, I guess. Hmm... well, minimum day on Thursday... planning to go watch movies. Oh hey, I heard "Resident Evil" was sooo lame. *shrugs* Guess that movie's off that list. Lately I'm running out of things to write. My entries are all bland, blah & boring. Not in the mood for xanga I guess... I need to get a Vocab level E book, yup... (changing subject) This year's been diff. than last year. You can say, it's better & also worse... Like I miss Lena. *pouts* In chorus, PE, Chieng's 6th period... hehe... memories. God we pissed him off last year. haha Yeah & Nicole too, wow, haven't sen her this whole year. OMG did she move? Anyways, then this year, I get to meet lots & lotsa new ppl. chich is awesome. I just miss the old peeps. They either graduated, moved or in 1st lunch. Oh hey, Peng came today. ^____^ Yup yup. Oiwee! I missed him. If only Julia, Sara, Micheal, Teddy, Vanessa, and Sirius were there too. Then, it'll just be like last year with all of us in one table. hehehe
Oh god... I hate it when I have to hear parents arguing... It really scares me. Why can't they just work it out in a more peaceful & nicer way? Is it that if they don't fight, then it'll be abnormal? Geez adults are so complicated. I mean, I don't even remember the last time I had an argument, besides that time in class debating ... *half an hour later It's quiet downstairs. I guess their done. *relief* major *relief*
First few weeks into Sophmore year:
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
*yawns* so much worthless time-consuming hw! Grr... darn those teachers. Thank god it's really easy homework tho. *blink* I'm not sleeping... I'm not sleeping... *yawns again* gots science left. Only 4 questions... I'll survive. Taking a break before continuing. Here's this joke I heard on the radio. And for those blondes reading this, please don't be offended. OK here it is:
Two blocks outside gazing at the moon & stars.
1st blonde: So, which do u think is closer? The moon or London?
2nd blonde: Well, it's kinda obvious. Oh. my. God. Of course the moon is, coz London's so far away you can't see it.
When I lost my samsung mobile phone (oh the devastation):
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Day after day, goes by without you. How could i be so careless? How could i ever lose you. You know what they always say.. You never know what u got until you don't have it anymore..I regret ever taking advantage of the fact that you were always there,day and night. When i need you most, there you were -pauses*sniff*..Everyday since you were gone...i think about you all the time. and i realize how depended i have been on you..*sniff again...*Waaaa.....i miss my cute little samsung soooo much!! ;_____;
....Ok moving on. Hey, anyone gone to Victoria Garden yeat?Awesome huh? Well i dont really know, coz i've only been there for like..ten minutish? and i spent all that time gawking at the clothes in A&F.haha...My friend works at PacSun!!! (never been there before, but hey , it sounds cool) Anywayz, today is cold! well not really cold cold but cool and brezzy in a nice way...ok welz that's it for nowz so....yeah...Enjoy the rest of the day and good afternoon! ^______^
The summer after i moved out of Fontana:
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Its sooooooo HHHOOOTTT!!! >_< 85 freagin degreesssss..although, i heard that its hotter inland. but stilll omg..sweating. . thank god for a thing for A.C. and yay. the jellyfishes at the beach is almost all gone. wooohooo...Its so amazing that when we had the whole herd of them, people still go to the beaches. i mean. ewwwww...and they hurt. anyways. HAAPPY BBIIRRRTTHHDDAAAYY to AJ!!!!!!! hes so short and sweet and 17!!!! ^_^ . that is all for today. have a nice hot summer day you guys.
and then of course.... there's my first heartbreak. That private journal entry i never showed anyone. It's so long ago.. and i don't care about it anymore.
LiveJOurnal- Hopelessncrazy
Thursday, August 4th, 2005 2:48 am
how little things remind me of u.
...its a wonder how little things remind me of u. u come to my mind at the most random moments. im not all that emotional about it anymore...but from time to time. i find myself crying thinking about you. i feel so weak and pathetic. but i cant help it. I want to shut my mind off you. Never have to think about u anymore. But i know its not possible. Nothing in the world would make me forget u. and anyways, deep down, i know that i DONT want to. because..because. just because. I did some things that are just so stoopid.. and i dont know how to block all those regrets out but still leave the pleasant moments. Every great thing i remember about u, theres a bad memory that goes with it...August 4th...exactly 103 days- 16 weeks- about 3 and 11 days since i last saw ur face. i miss u. or is it the happy times that i miss. maybe im just missing the times u held my hand and said that u love me. Or maybe the times i got to be with u, and how we complain about life. How i always have to tip my toes to get a kiss from you. And how u ditch ur class to see me at lunch. and id do the same. How we would go to the library from time to time, we would find our little corner and read random things- foreign language dictionaries, poetry, even baby names.
i think aobut your big gorgeous eyes. The eyes that say i love you. Or was that just my imagination. I think of the times im sitting on my bed whispering on Lana's phone talking to you, because everyones asleep. i remember when i come home from school, i always waited for the time when u got out of work at nite, so that i can talk to you. I remember staying up for hours and hours on the phone with you. and waking up to find that my phone was still on. and u were sleeping. and sometimes the other way. Or maybe the silly times we hang on the phone, one of us would say "i love you." and the other would say "i love you more" "naw aw, i love YOU more." "noooo..i love YOU more" "fine we love each other just as much"
i dont want to remember my selfishness. making u do things that u rather not do, but u do it anyways for me. i dont want to think about how that day, we stopped doing all of the above. i dont want to think about how u broke my heart by saying that u think its better for us to be just friends. i dont want to think about how i made u mad, and sad for doing somethings that i did. i dont wanna think about how that one day, u decide that u never want to talk to me anymore. And u didnt even say it to me. Instead, u had to tell ur friend to me ...i dont want to think of how many tears i wasted on you. i dont want to think about how i go crazy thinking about wat happened between us. i dont want to think about how i made a mistake. a huge mistake. and u did too. And most of all..i dont want to think that all this "love" was just a big lie. It was jsut a part of my wild crazy imagination. And that u never really felt anything that u said... and that u never left me…. cuz ive been alone all a long.
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