My Day
I'm going to cry. Stupid O.C.D. I have a tendency to press enter then backspace numerous times. I accidently bumped something that sent me back to the previous page and I lost everything I had typed. So, I am typing this for the second time. You have no idea how close I was to posting each entry individually but, noooo. Oh well. I don't know how to underline onthis thing so underlined words will be followed by brackets saying they are as such. This is what I wrote in a notebook of mine. It is exactly how I wrote it. This time I am going to post each entry seperately.
So, I had an interesting thoguht this morning. Jeanna had this thing in a magazine about what guys say and what they mean. One was "it's not you, it's me", meaning, "it's you". When Cody broke up with me he used that line. (Sorry if the writing gets bad. I'm in the car.) I told him what people usually mean when they say that and he said no, it really was him. Yesterday, he said he was sorry but I never really expresed myself (told him how I felt and what not, I guess) to him. There was Lina's comment about getting farther in 45 minutes than we did in a year. (It was 11 months, 1 week, thank you) So anyway, yeah, it sounds like it was m,e. There was also the comment about not being ready for a relationship. So, what's up with all of this? I know, it's been about 4 months. Things can change. I don't think I was really ready for a relationship. Though, I don't suppose I would have ever been ready for my first one. I feel ready for a second try. But, Alas, I have no one. I feel like such a jerk because about two weeks ago I think I started to like him again. (turned that oof) But, I swear [underlined] that emotion had nothing [underline] to do with why I don't like what's going on. (Sorry, this is one long paragraph) My mom thinks I shouldn't be so upset about this. She also thinks I should tell Cody 'how I feel'. Hm...that would kind of negate everything I have said to him because he would think it was motivated by jealousy. I don not know what possessed me to tell my mother about the entire situation, especially the part involving me! My mother gives screwy advice. But, this isn't about my mother. This is about me becuase I am feeling quite self-centered at the moment. Speaking of myself, I feel kind of guilty about yesterday. I think I made Cody feel bad. It wasn't my place to be saying anything. I was happy to note that Bridget's stories were wrong, unless Cody was lying (but, I would rather believe him). He was not about to ask someone else out before Dawn shoved us together. (Not that I wasn't happy for the shoving) He also siad he didn't have any crushes on other people until right before he broke up with me. So, that's good because what Bridget said made me feel lower than dirt, used, like the entire relationship was false. If I'm stupid enough to show this to anybody, I appologize for the length and the amount of nothingness. You know, if I were to do things over, I would tell him and show him, do everything I was to afraid to do. I don't care if it wouldn't have changed things. I really don't. I just hate having things left unsaid. *Sigh* I feel like such a teenager, which is one of the last things I ever want to feel like, Teens are stupid. We are behind a truck whose lisence plate says RR-JR . Funny.
Blah,
Lauren
So, I had an interesting thoguht this morning. Jeanna had this thing in a magazine about what guys say and what they mean. One was "it's not you, it's me", meaning, "it's you". When Cody broke up with me he used that line. (Sorry if the writing gets bad. I'm in the car.) I told him what people usually mean when they say that and he said no, it really was him. Yesterday, he said he was sorry but I never really expresed myself (told him how I felt and what not, I guess) to him. There was Lina's comment about getting farther in 45 minutes than we did in a year. (It was 11 months, 1 week, thank you) So anyway, yeah, it sounds like it was m,e. There was also the comment about not being ready for a relationship. So, what's up with all of this? I know, it's been about 4 months. Things can change. I don't think I was really ready for a relationship. Though, I don't suppose I would have ever been ready for my first one. I feel ready for a second try. But, Alas, I have no one. I feel like such a jerk because about two weeks ago I think I started to like him again. (turned that oof) But, I swear [underlined] that emotion had nothing [underline] to do with why I don't like what's going on. (Sorry, this is one long paragraph) My mom thinks I shouldn't be so upset about this. She also thinks I should tell Cody 'how I feel'. Hm...that would kind of negate everything I have said to him because he would think it was motivated by jealousy. I don not know what possessed me to tell my mother about the entire situation, especially the part involving me! My mother gives screwy advice. But, this isn't about my mother. This is about me becuase I am feeling quite self-centered at the moment. Speaking of myself, I feel kind of guilty about yesterday. I think I made Cody feel bad. It wasn't my place to be saying anything. I was happy to note that Bridget's stories were wrong, unless Cody was lying (but, I would rather believe him). He was not about to ask someone else out before Dawn shoved us together. (Not that I wasn't happy for the shoving) He also siad he didn't have any crushes on other people until right before he broke up with me. So, that's good because what Bridget said made me feel lower than dirt, used, like the entire relationship was false. If I'm stupid enough to show this to anybody, I appologize for the length and the amount of nothingness. You know, if I were to do things over, I would tell him and show him, do everything I was to afraid to do. I don't care if it wouldn't have changed things. I really don't. I just hate having things left unsaid. *Sigh* I feel like such a teenager, which is one of the last things I ever want to feel like, Teens are stupid. We are behind a truck whose lisence plate says RR-JR . Funny.
Blah,
Lauren