Act XVI: Temporal Cascade
There is no way that I should be up at EXACTLY 2:43 AM and wondering what to do or where to go. I should be asleep. I should be laying down at least and pretending to sleep but no, I'm here because I can't and that's just the way it is.
So today I worked and did all of the things that the responsible adult does on days where they do things like 'work'. I can't say that I'm fully sure what it encompasses to be an adult though because I've been assured by various sources (some of them quite reliable) that the grown up world is full of double meanings where what is the right thing to do today will not only be wrong tomorrow but frowned upon to a degree that will make you a pariah.
To this, I raise a glass of strawberry kiwi Kool-Aid and salute you grown-ups.
In other news....
I had the never-ending battle today. It didn't last long in all reality. The term 'never-ending' has been timed by myself and like-minded individuals to average out around two hours however, those two hours are pretty harsh ones. In those two hours you're reminded of yesterday and the day before. You're reminded of every two hours you've had in a while and you remind yourself how silly and pointless it is to focus on the events that are already gone. The past is frozen you see, it's not possible to alter what's already gone. It will be what it is forever (forever is about a year for those of you playing at home, in some cases, no longer than five months!). The best and only thing that you can do is to focus on terms like 'today' and the 'present'. Mutable terms which stand for the times where we imagine ourselves in the right Or as some say, living in the present.
The future is the one thing that a lot of people really have a difficult time with just because it isn't frozen. It's the other direction of the past. The future is a seed of the past. Time is strange to me because it's the only thing that I know of that matures before it's born. It's there that a lot of people are afraid. I can't say that I am. I look forward to the future simply because I don't know what it is going to be. The past is so difficult because I already know what happened and some of it I don't understand.
That's the hard part. The understanding part. The grasping.
I don't grasp it. I don't worry about it either. Something that you don't understand doesn't have to be difficult. All you have to do is let go. Drop trying so hard. It's breathing. It's moving. It's letting your heart beat one beat at a time and tapping your foot to the rhythm.
Here is an interesting place though. This white box. You see, this white box isn't talking back to me. It's just here and doesn't have eyes I can't stop stuttering at or forgetting what I wanted to say. It doesn't have a certain way or a walk and it doesn't scare me in the way that I would only admit to a white box. I don't have to ask the time or think of something clever to say. It's patient with me and I can sit here as long as I want looking for the right thing to say (type) but what's really funny about that is that here, it's not difficult. It's easy. I can allow the machine gun tapping of the type to fill the room like rain on a rooftop and it's music and beautiful and if I could just carry that ease to speech then who knows what would happen or where I would end up when it happened?
But that's just right now. And right now only lasts fifteen minutes. I just checked.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you.
I said, "I like your shoes."
You said, "Thanks can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs and out of view-
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time...
Now it's two o'clock-
the club is closed and we're up the block
Your hands on me; pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.
Where is the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here, but I'm not sure
I got the money if you've got the time
You said, "It feels good."
I said, "I'll give it a try."
Then my mind went dark-
we both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
and the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep, keep singing...
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where is the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seem to slip my mind
But you..
But you...
you write
such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
then hurt me..
So today I worked and did all of the things that the responsible adult does on days where they do things like 'work'. I can't say that I'm fully sure what it encompasses to be an adult though because I've been assured by various sources (some of them quite reliable) that the grown up world is full of double meanings where what is the right thing to do today will not only be wrong tomorrow but frowned upon to a degree that will make you a pariah.
To this, I raise a glass of strawberry kiwi Kool-Aid and salute you grown-ups.
In other news....
I had the never-ending battle today. It didn't last long in all reality. The term 'never-ending' has been timed by myself and like-minded individuals to average out around two hours however, those two hours are pretty harsh ones. In those two hours you're reminded of yesterday and the day before. You're reminded of every two hours you've had in a while and you remind yourself how silly and pointless it is to focus on the events that are already gone. The past is frozen you see, it's not possible to alter what's already gone. It will be what it is forever (forever is about a year for those of you playing at home, in some cases, no longer than five months!). The best and only thing that you can do is to focus on terms like 'today' and the 'present'. Mutable terms which stand for the times where we imagine ourselves in the right Or as some say, living in the present.
The future is the one thing that a lot of people really have a difficult time with just because it isn't frozen. It's the other direction of the past. The future is a seed of the past. Time is strange to me because it's the only thing that I know of that matures before it's born. It's there that a lot of people are afraid. I can't say that I am. I look forward to the future simply because I don't know what it is going to be. The past is so difficult because I already know what happened and some of it I don't understand.
That's the hard part. The understanding part. The grasping.
I don't grasp it. I don't worry about it either. Something that you don't understand doesn't have to be difficult. All you have to do is let go. Drop trying so hard. It's breathing. It's moving. It's letting your heart beat one beat at a time and tapping your foot to the rhythm.
Here is an interesting place though. This white box. You see, this white box isn't talking back to me. It's just here and doesn't have eyes I can't stop stuttering at or forgetting what I wanted to say. It doesn't have a certain way or a walk and it doesn't scare me in the way that I would only admit to a white box. I don't have to ask the time or think of something clever to say. It's patient with me and I can sit here as long as I want looking for the right thing to say (type) but what's really funny about that is that here, it's not difficult. It's easy. I can allow the machine gun tapping of the type to fill the room like rain on a rooftop and it's music and beautiful and if I could just carry that ease to speech then who knows what would happen or where I would end up when it happened?
But that's just right now. And right now only lasts fifteen minutes. I just checked.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you.
I said, "I like your shoes."
You said, "Thanks can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs and out of view-
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time...
Now it's two o'clock-
the club is closed and we're up the block
Your hands on me; pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.
Where is the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here, but I'm not sure
I got the money if you've got the time
You said, "It feels good."
I said, "I'll give it a try."
Then my mind went dark-
we both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
and the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep, keep singing...
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where is the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seem to slip my mind
But you..
But you...
you write
such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
then hurt me..