Realizations

[rain47]

Not a day goes by that I'm okay with the fact that it happened.

Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could simply slit my wrists.

I'll never be okay.

And I know that.

If I can't be at peace with myself, I can at least accept that I won't have peace.

There is no excuse, no reason, no one to blame.

Just as well, for if there was someone to blame, I would kill them, as simply as that.

The good days are when I can forget my past.

The bad days are when the future throws things to add to the list.

The worst days are when I can't pretend nothing happened.

I hide a lot, mostly in plain view.

The world wants me in it, but it doesn't want to understand me.

The darkness is my true home, for it holds escape, release, and comfort.

I do not use food, drink, drugs or sex to comfort myself.

I do not know how to laugh.

Things bleed.  I am caged.

I wish for something to make it easier, not for something to make it go away.

I can be strong for others, but only when I'm not too busy being strong for myself.

I really don't give a shit, but I try to.

I fear becoming my father.

I fear they were right the first time.

I fear being dependent on things, only because I know I'll lose them eventually.

I am tired of being the crutches.  I need my own, yet I am always yours, because I am strong enough and stubborn enough to walk without them.

I have seen worlds that would kill you on general principles.

I have destroyed things that would have obliterated you.

I am too confident, because I am important to things that do not know your name.

I never bring people to my world.  I go to others'.  I set trespassers on fire.

I do not like weak people.