"i hope heaven and hell are really there, but i wouldn't hold my breath...

[rain383]

I could hear the phone calls, the well wishes. The laughter and the hope. So much that it even fooled me. I could hear everyone and their drinks. But all I wanted was to hear her. I sat in this chair, phone pressed against ear. Waiting for her hello. I wished a happy new year. When really, I wished her here. I don't remember the words that left my lips. But I remember hers. That of someone who grew tired. Of someone who didn't believe in me anymore. I look back on that night and the year that followed. The relationship I couldn't fix, the one I couldn't keep. The disappointment. The depression. My foolish trust. And everything that I'll always long to end.

...you wasted life, so why wouldn't you waste death"

So here I sit. Listening to celebration guns. With no one to call.