What's this? Fanfiction?!
I was in the mood to write a Clock Tower crack fic today. I'm not entirely sure why. Anyway.
Title: It Happened in September.
Chapter: 1.
Author:
raimuchan, who may or may not be me.
Rating: PG-13 (Some violence and mild swearing).
Fandom: Clock Tower.
Genre: Crack.
Pairings: None, though a few (some of which are girls love/shoujou-ai) are mentioned.
Summary: What starts off as a retelling of what happened on that fateful night in the Burroughs (or Barrows, your choice) Mansion quickly turns into chaos as a new character is introduced! Can Jennifer go through the story with her role as main character in tact, or will the newcomer take it away?
Special Thanks To:
enigmaopoeia, for a few excellent suggestions that will be used later in the story, and ReijiKido99 for his funny "Adventures in Clock Tower" videos, which I used as a reference. "Thanks" also goes to a few "inspirations."
Other: Random uses of different fonts and font colors might deserve a warning of their own. Oh yeah, and the narrator denies the exist of a fourth wall.
“Ms. Mary?”
“Yes?”
“From now on, what kind of place will we be living in?”
Ever since her first day at the orphanage, Jennifer daydreamed of what her new home would be like. She wondered how big it would be, what her room would look like, if she would have crazy neighbors, if the place would have a pool, and, most importantly, if she'd have a good family. After her father disappeared and her bitch of a mom left her for a man-whore named Dewdrop who had a nice mustache, she was taken to the Granite Orphanage, a dump with leaky roofs, squeaky floors, doors with knobs that fell off, bad room service and food that could easily be confused with soylent green. This was not where she wanted to live; she knew she belonged with a family that loved her (and didn't mind her habit of making long lists), and maybe even an older man who loved her in a different way as well, if she was lucky enough. I don't know why all of this was brought up all of a sudden, I'm just the narrator. But dude, why do we care? Let's get back to the story.
“That's the fifth time you asked! Don't worry. It's a very nice pla-”
-INTERRUPTION-
The following dialogue will be skipped so that we can get to the good stuff. Besides, haven't you already played the game? You should know this already.
So yeah, the ladies get to the mansion, Anne and Rolla (or is it Ann and Laura?) somehow teleport into two chairs while Lotte teleports into a corner of the room- because they were previously behind Mary and Jennifer and there's no other explanation-blah blah huge place blah blah blah gigantic blah. Sitting in one of the chairs next to Anne and Rolla is... A catgirl with neon blue hair with lavender stripes, glowing gold and emerald eyes, ivory skin, pink fur, star-shaped glasses, a long and elegant midnight black dress with blood red lace that must have been stolen from that chick in the fic My Immortal and a visible aura of rainbow sparkles. I am not making this up. How does this person fit in a Clock Tower fanfiction, exactly?
“Girls, I'd like to introduce you to my daughter whom I have never mentioned before.” Mary announces.” The thing curtsies, then begins a long-winded speech.
“Like, hi!! I'm Sara Jessica Alyssa Carrie September Andromeda Leigh Simpson Barrows Burroughs, Bobby's and Dan's 15 year-old twin sister! I'm an American Rooder sent here on a top secret mission to find out where all of the missing kids from the Granite Orphanage have went! The agency gave me the codename of Scissorcatwoman, which is really fitting. I'm also half vampire princess, half Subordinate, half cat demon and half elf, as well as an expert in sword-fighting and a ninja. I can also fly a helicopter! Maybe my nickname should be Scissorswordninjacatvampireelfwomanwithahelicopter? Oh yeah, and I'm also your long-lost cousin! Now watch as I capture everyone's hearts and become the star of the whole series. Where're the cute guys at?”
Jennifer can't bring herself to say anything. She can't even go “...”. I can't even do that right now. What the-
“Huh, what's wrong? You don't like catgirls?” the walking paradox in front of the main character asks.
Thus starts the flurry of questions from Jennifer. “But how's that all possible? How can you be a cat demon, vampire and elf at the same time? And what's a Rooder, or a Subordinate? What's with the weird colors? Why do we care about all that stuff you said?”
All of these questions don't seem to reach the vile creature's cat ears. Meanwhile, the other three orphans are gushing about how beautiful Sara Jessica Alys- okay, let's call her SJACSALSBB. Alright, that's also too long. Let's call her Sara for short. I'd personally call her Please Go Rot Somewhere Thanks, but that may just be me. Anyway, the addition to the cast is apparently so special, so beautiful, so charming, so lovely that her peers worship her and want to get into her, um, long flowy dress. Bet the yuri fanboys will be happy about this. Have I mentioned that they just met her? Is Mary noticing any of this?!
“Like, you're gorgeous!” Rolla exclaims. Is that valley girl dialect contagious?
“I'd hit that with the fist of an angry god.” Lotte proudly announces.
“You're so cool!” Anne proclaims. While Miss Sparkles showed off her pearly whites while the other two were telling her how awesome she is, she gives Anne a death glare after she tells her. Because, you know, apparently everyone hates Anne. I like Anne.
“Bitch, please. You're not worthy!” Sara Something Or Other screams. All of a sudden, Anne BURSTS into flames, howling madly until she's nothing but ashes! Dude, that is NOT COOL.
Despite, you know, all the screaming and fire and stuff, no one seems to notice. Not even Jennifer, who as of now is unaffected by the charms of Sara, has realized that one of her friends is dead. What's going on here?!
Mary gives her guests a kind smile. “Now that you're all acquainted, I gotta go get Mr. Burroughs. Everyone wait here.” she gently commands, walking through a doorway and into the depths of the mansion.
Several declarations of admiration to the cat creature later, Jennifer notices that Ms. Mary has been gone for quite a while. Since the others are too busy to do anything about it, she makes a decision. “I'll go look for her.”
And so, Jennifer starts off on a journey to look for Ms. Mary. Will she come back in one piece? We'll see... Maybe.
Title: It Happened in September.
Chapter: 1.
Author:
raimuchan, who may or may not be me.
Rating: PG-13 (Some violence and mild swearing).
Fandom: Clock Tower.
Genre: Crack.
Pairings: None, though a few (some of which are girls love/shoujou-ai) are mentioned.
Summary: What starts off as a retelling of what happened on that fateful night in the Burroughs (or Barrows, your choice) Mansion quickly turns into chaos as a new character is introduced! Can Jennifer go through the story with her role as main character in tact, or will the newcomer take it away?
Special Thanks To:
enigmaopoeia, for a few excellent suggestions that will be used later in the story, and ReijiKido99 for his funny "Adventures in Clock Tower" videos, which I used as a reference. "Thanks" also goes to a few "inspirations."
Other: Random uses of different fonts and font colors might deserve a warning of their own. Oh yeah, and the narrator denies the exist of a fourth wall.
“Ms. Mary?”
“Yes?”
“From now on, what kind of place will we be living in?”
Ever since her first day at the orphanage, Jennifer daydreamed of what her new home would be like. She wondered how big it would be, what her room would look like, if she would have crazy neighbors, if the place would have a pool, and, most importantly, if she'd have a good family. After her father disappeared and her bitch of a mom left her for a man-whore named Dewdrop who had a nice mustache, she was taken to the Granite Orphanage, a dump with leaky roofs, squeaky floors, doors with knobs that fell off, bad room service and food that could easily be confused with soylent green. This was not where she wanted to live; she knew she belonged with a family that loved her (and didn't mind her habit of making long lists), and maybe even an older man who loved her in a different way as well, if she was lucky enough. I don't know why all of this was brought up all of a sudden, I'm just the narrator. But dude, why do we care? Let's get back to the story.
“That's the fifth time you asked! Don't worry. It's a very nice pla-”
-INTERRUPTION-
The following dialogue will be skipped so that we can get to the good stuff. Besides, haven't you already played the game? You should know this already.
So yeah, the ladies get to the mansion, Anne and Rolla (or is it Ann and Laura?) somehow teleport into two chairs while Lotte teleports into a corner of the room- because they were previously behind Mary and Jennifer and there's no other explanation-blah blah huge place blah blah blah gigantic blah. Sitting in one of the chairs next to Anne and Rolla is... A catgirl with neon blue hair with lavender stripes, glowing gold and emerald eyes, ivory skin, pink fur, star-shaped glasses, a long and elegant midnight black dress with blood red lace that must have been stolen from that chick in the fic My Immortal and a visible aura of rainbow sparkles. I am not making this up. How does this person fit in a Clock Tower fanfiction, exactly?
“Girls, I'd like to introduce you to my daughter whom I have never mentioned before.” Mary announces.” The thing curtsies, then begins a long-winded speech.
“Like, hi!! I'm Sara Jessica Alyssa Carrie September Andromeda Leigh Simpson Barrows Burroughs, Bobby's and Dan's 15 year-old twin sister! I'm an American Rooder sent here on a top secret mission to find out where all of the missing kids from the Granite Orphanage have went! The agency gave me the codename of Scissorcatwoman, which is really fitting. I'm also half vampire princess, half Subordinate, half cat demon and half elf, as well as an expert in sword-fighting and a ninja. I can also fly a helicopter! Maybe my nickname should be Scissorswordninjacatvampireelfwomanwithahelicopter? Oh yeah, and I'm also your long-lost cousin! Now watch as I capture everyone's hearts and become the star of the whole series. Where're the cute guys at?”
Jennifer can't bring herself to say anything. She can't even go “...”. I can't even do that right now. What the-
“Huh, what's wrong? You don't like catgirls?” the walking paradox in front of the main character asks.
Thus starts the flurry of questions from Jennifer. “But how's that all possible? How can you be a cat demon, vampire and elf at the same time? And what's a Rooder, or a Subordinate? What's with the weird colors? Why do we care about all that stuff you said?”
All of these questions don't seem to reach the vile creature's cat ears. Meanwhile, the other three orphans are gushing about how beautiful Sara Jessica Alys- okay, let's call her SJACSALSBB. Alright, that's also too long. Let's call her Sara for short. I'd personally call her Please Go Rot Somewhere Thanks, but that may just be me. Anyway, the addition to the cast is apparently so special, so beautiful, so charming, so lovely that her peers worship her and want to get into her, um, long flowy dress. Bet the yuri fanboys will be happy about this. Have I mentioned that they just met her? Is Mary noticing any of this?!
“Like, you're gorgeous!” Rolla exclaims. Is that valley girl dialect contagious?
“I'd hit that with the fist of an angry god.” Lotte proudly announces.
“You're so cool!” Anne proclaims. While Miss Sparkles showed off her pearly whites while the other two were telling her how awesome she is, she gives Anne a death glare after she tells her. Because, you know, apparently everyone hates Anne. I like Anne.
“Bitch, please. You're not worthy!” Sara Something Or Other screams. All of a sudden, Anne BURSTS into flames, howling madly until she's nothing but ashes! Dude, that is NOT COOL.
Despite, you know, all the screaming and fire and stuff, no one seems to notice. Not even Jennifer, who as of now is unaffected by the charms of Sara, has realized that one of her friends is dead. What's going on here?!
Mary gives her guests a kind smile. “Now that you're all acquainted, I gotta go get Mr. Burroughs. Everyone wait here.” she gently commands, walking through a doorway and into the depths of the mansion.
Several declarations of admiration to the cat creature later, Jennifer notices that Ms. Mary has been gone for quite a while. Since the others are too busy to do anything about it, she makes a decision. “I'll go look for her.”
And so, Jennifer starts off on a journey to look for Ms. Mary. Will she come back in one piece? We'll see... Maybe.