Okay, why not...
Yeah, it is done. I shouldn't have finished that coffee off. I'm awake, so deal with it.
Sitting here with my headphones makes me think. It reminds me of when this was all I did for relaxation.
Yeah, I played games. But I also listened to music. Lots of it. I'd let my mind wonder. I'd dream. I'd feel alive. Voices humming in my ears. Their stories being told. And it didn't end when I was done. I'd listen to my tunes as I closed my eyes and let my mind drift away.
How simple those times were. Now I can't listen to my music when I want, how I want, and where I want. I'm restricted. Everywhere it seems.
Is that fine?
I guess so.
But this isn't about that. This is about having the beauty returned to me. It's mine, and none of you can have it.
Go listen to the new Louis XIV CD. The first song is really, really, interesting. I like it. It's crazy. I want this CD now. In fact, I think I'll buy it.
Dream on it.
.......
I'll tell you what it is, it's a noose. YOu know, you put your head through it and pretty much hang from it.
That's what it is. That's what I want. A nice noose, sturdy too, please.
......
Oh, my dreams, my thoughts, this negative energy. My lips are up, happy, with these nightmares. In my head again, they eat away at my sanity. I'm starting to slip. I like it. I fucking love it. I see everything how it use to be. I'm not even here half the time. So what? I enjoy it, it makes me happy, so fucking lost in Lala land. Why should I come back? These oppurtunities are gone.
......
Just take another step back. Wait, this isn't easy to explain. I wasn't really honest. I was just fucking with you. I never really cared. About all that other shit you've told me, and I made you think I listened. I didn't. I was humming in my head. Because I personally don't care. To me it's all the same. In or out, I don't care. Figure it out for yourself. I'm tired of explaining.
......
Oh baby play that trumpet for me. Play that trumpet loud for me. Oh baby don't let me fall asleep, please don't let me close my eyes. They'll find us if I do. They'll take us away. Oh baby you're all I have left, please don't walk away.
......
Holy shit stop, it's just a dream. It's just a fucking dream. Chill the fuck out.
......
If I was ever creative, I'd love to return to those days. I feel so censored, so empty, so...useless.
......
Bounce around like a ball in my thoughts. Think about it. About all of it.
......
This is where it all begins. This is where it all comes to an end. If I do one last thing, then I hope it is this and that I do it right.
,,,,,,,
"Just as you take my hand
Just as you write my number down
Just as the drinks arrive
Just as they play your favourite song
As your blather disappears
No longer wound up like a spring
Before you've had too much
Come back in focus again
The walls abandon shape
They've got a cheshire cat grin
All blurring into one
This place is on a mission
Before the night owl
Before the animal noises
Closed circuit cameras
Before you're comatose
Before you run away from me
Before you're lost between the notes
The beat goes round and round
The beat goes round and round
You never really got me there
I just pretended that I had
What's the point of instruments
Words are a sawed off shotgun
Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out
Before you run away from me
Before you're lost between the notes
Just as you take the mic
Just as you dance, dance, dance
Jigsaw falling into place
There is nothing to explain
You eye each other as you pass
She looks back, you look back
Not just once
Not just twice
Wish away the nightmare
Wish away the nightmare
You've got it on you can feel it on your back
It on you can feel it on your back
Jigsaw falling into place"
.......
Because he can never have her - it made him long for her even more. Her dark brown eyes looking back at him from the last photo he has of her. He dreams about her and what could have been. Of all the laughs they could have shared.
But because he wasn't sure of which path to take, and because he decided to sell his soul, he'll never have another chance.
It's all gone. All that he has left is a picture that is starting to fade. His memories are on the edge of his mind starring down the abyss of regret. Because he'll never forget and he'll always want to try again.
Say goodbye, and we'll leave it at that. His mind can't handle these dreams anymore. All they do is tease his sanity. Each drawn out thought is nothing but agony.
This is now routine, and each day that passes he hates his life even more. But nothing has even happened, and nothing will because he doesn't know how to act. Because he'll always wait for the last minute before ever trying.
And it is always too late.
.......
"How much of this is true?"
"What do you mean?"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Then why did you write this?"
"It was just random thoughts."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I don't know."
"You worried about me?"
"No, I'm..."
"I'm fine."
"Sometimes I wonder."
"I know."
"Look at yourself, you're having a conversation with yourself again. When was the last time you did this?"
"On the car ride to pick up Laura."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"I wasn't there."
"You didn't have to be."
"You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah."
"What did you talk about?"
"The same old shit."
"Longing for a life you'll never have?"
"Haha, if I could write my own life I'd be fucking famous."
"Yeah, well you aren't."
"I know."
"And you'll never be, not that famous at least."
"You never know."
"I think I do."
"Haha, sure."
"How is she doing?"
"Which one?"
"The one that always causes you to do this to yourself?"
"She's fine, I guess."
"Is she back?"
"No, it's something else."
"What?"
"I don't know. Just old memories, old feelings, wishing I could go back to something that I miss."
"What?"
"Just being a kid. Not having to worry about all this adult shit."
"You have to grow up someday."
"Have I?"
"I'd like to think you have."
"I don't do anything right."
"That's what you think."
"Yeah, sure."
"You done?"
"I guess."
"Relax, you're thinking too much."
"Story of my life."
"Just enjoy the music."
"Don't I always?"
"I don't think so."
"I guess."
"Haha, one of these days you're going to lose it. And when you realize it you'll be kicking yourself for not holding it tight."
"You never know how much you appreciate something until it is gone."
"Well then, I hope you lose it soon."
"Okay."
"Maybe then you'll learn to appreciate it."
"Okay."
"Good night, Victor."
"Good night."
.........
How many stories are mine? How many are just garbage my collective conscious scrapes from the memories of watching too much TV?
How many of these stories make sense? How many times will I go through the same script?
Whatever.
.........
I'm tired.
Sitting here with my headphones makes me think. It reminds me of when this was all I did for relaxation.
Yeah, I played games. But I also listened to music. Lots of it. I'd let my mind wonder. I'd dream. I'd feel alive. Voices humming in my ears. Their stories being told. And it didn't end when I was done. I'd listen to my tunes as I closed my eyes and let my mind drift away.
How simple those times were. Now I can't listen to my music when I want, how I want, and where I want. I'm restricted. Everywhere it seems.
Is that fine?
I guess so.
But this isn't about that. This is about having the beauty returned to me. It's mine, and none of you can have it.
Go listen to the new Louis XIV CD. The first song is really, really, interesting. I like it. It's crazy. I want this CD now. In fact, I think I'll buy it.
Dream on it.
.......
I'll tell you what it is, it's a noose. YOu know, you put your head through it and pretty much hang from it.
That's what it is. That's what I want. A nice noose, sturdy too, please.
......
Oh, my dreams, my thoughts, this negative energy. My lips are up, happy, with these nightmares. In my head again, they eat away at my sanity. I'm starting to slip. I like it. I fucking love it. I see everything how it use to be. I'm not even here half the time. So what? I enjoy it, it makes me happy, so fucking lost in Lala land. Why should I come back? These oppurtunities are gone.
......
Just take another step back. Wait, this isn't easy to explain. I wasn't really honest. I was just fucking with you. I never really cared. About all that other shit you've told me, and I made you think I listened. I didn't. I was humming in my head. Because I personally don't care. To me it's all the same. In or out, I don't care. Figure it out for yourself. I'm tired of explaining.
......
Oh baby play that trumpet for me. Play that trumpet loud for me. Oh baby don't let me fall asleep, please don't let me close my eyes. They'll find us if I do. They'll take us away. Oh baby you're all I have left, please don't walk away.
......
Holy shit stop, it's just a dream. It's just a fucking dream. Chill the fuck out.
......
If I was ever creative, I'd love to return to those days. I feel so censored, so empty, so...useless.
......
Bounce around like a ball in my thoughts. Think about it. About all of it.
......
This is where it all begins. This is where it all comes to an end. If I do one last thing, then I hope it is this and that I do it right.
,,,,,,,
"Just as you take my hand
Just as you write my number down
Just as the drinks arrive
Just as they play your favourite song
As your blather disappears
No longer wound up like a spring
Before you've had too much
Come back in focus again
The walls abandon shape
They've got a cheshire cat grin
All blurring into one
This place is on a mission
Before the night owl
Before the animal noises
Closed circuit cameras
Before you're comatose
Before you run away from me
Before you're lost between the notes
The beat goes round and round
The beat goes round and round
You never really got me there
I just pretended that I had
What's the point of instruments
Words are a sawed off shotgun
Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out
Before you run away from me
Before you're lost between the notes
Just as you take the mic
Just as you dance, dance, dance
Jigsaw falling into place
There is nothing to explain
You eye each other as you pass
She looks back, you look back
Not just once
Not just twice
Wish away the nightmare
Wish away the nightmare
You've got it on you can feel it on your back
It on you can feel it on your back
Jigsaw falling into place"
.......
Because he can never have her - it made him long for her even more. Her dark brown eyes looking back at him from the last photo he has of her. He dreams about her and what could have been. Of all the laughs they could have shared.
But because he wasn't sure of which path to take, and because he decided to sell his soul, he'll never have another chance.
It's all gone. All that he has left is a picture that is starting to fade. His memories are on the edge of his mind starring down the abyss of regret. Because he'll never forget and he'll always want to try again.
Say goodbye, and we'll leave it at that. His mind can't handle these dreams anymore. All they do is tease his sanity. Each drawn out thought is nothing but agony.
This is now routine, and each day that passes he hates his life even more. But nothing has even happened, and nothing will because he doesn't know how to act. Because he'll always wait for the last minute before ever trying.
And it is always too late.
.......
"How much of this is true?"
"What do you mean?"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Then why did you write this?"
"It was just random thoughts."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I don't know."
"You worried about me?"
"No, I'm..."
"I'm fine."
"Sometimes I wonder."
"I know."
"Look at yourself, you're having a conversation with yourself again. When was the last time you did this?"
"On the car ride to pick up Laura."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"I wasn't there."
"You didn't have to be."
"You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah."
"What did you talk about?"
"The same old shit."
"Longing for a life you'll never have?"
"Haha, if I could write my own life I'd be fucking famous."
"Yeah, well you aren't."
"I know."
"And you'll never be, not that famous at least."
"You never know."
"I think I do."
"Haha, sure."
"How is she doing?"
"Which one?"
"The one that always causes you to do this to yourself?"
"She's fine, I guess."
"Is she back?"
"No, it's something else."
"What?"
"I don't know. Just old memories, old feelings, wishing I could go back to something that I miss."
"What?"
"Just being a kid. Not having to worry about all this adult shit."
"You have to grow up someday."
"Have I?"
"I'd like to think you have."
"I don't do anything right."
"That's what you think."
"Yeah, sure."
"You done?"
"I guess."
"Relax, you're thinking too much."
"Story of my life."
"Just enjoy the music."
"Don't I always?"
"I don't think so."
"I guess."
"Haha, one of these days you're going to lose it. And when you realize it you'll be kicking yourself for not holding it tight."
"You never know how much you appreciate something until it is gone."
"Well then, I hope you lose it soon."
"Okay."
"Maybe then you'll learn to appreciate it."
"Okay."
"Good night, Victor."
"Good night."
.........
How many stories are mine? How many are just garbage my collective conscious scrapes from the memories of watching too much TV?
How many of these stories make sense? How many times will I go through the same script?
Whatever.
.........
I'm tired.