Givin it all up for Buffy...for the world. From los_angelus
Bloody rush that was. pain seared through me, sliced through every nerve ending, and yet, holdin' Buffy's hand one final time and knowin' that I was takin' care of all of the elder beasts that are supposedly the real vampires, gotta say, didn't feel soddin' any of it.
Sure, could feel the skin slicin' away in white hot increments from my skin. Could bloody well feel the very bones surroundin' my organs meltin' so hot that they liquified and by proxy, obviously could feel the organs that vampires still use, that keep me alive, burstin' in my chest...could feel all of it and it hurt, bloody hurt like you wouldn't believe, but I had made piece with the idea that this sack of hammers conclusion was a possibility goin' into this big fight.
Had come to terms with all of my past transgressions long ago. Unlike Angel...the thought made me upset because he had kissed Buffy before all of this started...unlike Captain Forehead, my past sins didn't thrash me and make me have to bloody count sheep at night. I was evil and I did what it was in my nature to do when I was evil. I killed people. I killed people to survive. Never after the big man in the cave had forced my soul back in had I felt the need to atone for my past...except for what I had done to Buffy and with things right with her as I was deep fried destroyin' the hellmouth...this was my ultimate atonement for my past sins and it felt right.
No torturin' myself, broodin' every night like a mamby-pamby dark haired vampire ponce from Ireland...I just went out in a blaze of glory to help save the world and to help keep Buffy safe. It was right. Bloody simple. It was right. Had done everything in this world both as an evil vampire and as a champion and let's face it, not disillusioned here that what I wanted most in this world for the rest of my existence...Buffy...had no delusions of bloody grandeur about there bein' white picket fences and barbecues in our future.
I had done it all and was ready to leave for the right reasons.
And...I had done it. Flesh was liquiefied, fangs were molted...hair had melted away and that was the big finale for Spike.
William the bloody was complete.
Except, there was no soddin' brochure tellin' me that by wearin' that amulet, that I would still be cognizant of bloody everything. Sure, my body is gone and everything is confined...but it's not just the soul here. I am completely aware of everything goin' on. I can smell remains, though I don't seem to have a physical nose and now, it's bloody well got me thinkin' Toasted as if lava had covered me and here I am thinkin'.
I'll make no bones about it and I've said this to others before. I was never what one would consider to be a giant in the thinkin' department. I just went where the blood was and was in for the fight. But, when you don't have a body and you bloody well feel like you are confined in the world's smallest elevator, smellin' charred purebred vampire remains, feelin' hot rock underneath of you, but in a way that is muted by something that used to be cold and is now warm...you think a lot.
And...have had some time to realize what's happened. Not sure how much time has passed down here, obviously in the hellmouth, or what's left of it, sun beamin' in in a not fatal way since I have no body and am enclosed in the AMULET, but time had bloody well definitely passed.
Not right. That what this is. Not soddin' right. Did everything for all of the right reasons and here I am all trapped and worst of all, no way in hell that anyone is goin' to find me...lest it be the wrong somebody and since I have no body, there is...wait...it's happenin' right now!
Thought that I heard dirt shiftin' only a minute ago. Now, can bloody well feel a warm hand holdin' me...holdin' the amulet.
"HEY, PUT ME DOWN, WANKER!"
I repeated the scream, changin' the adjective used to describe this unknown person, but again, the person kept walkin' and eventually, I could clearly hear a car bein' started.
Bloody great. Toasted and trapped in the amulet, now I'm probably in some ponce's Volvo on my way to a shelf with other interestin' trinkets.
Screamed again, but if they could hear me, they were ignorin' me. Didn't make sense that I could hear them...though this wanker wasn't sayin' anything and unless I was mistaken...wasn't even breathin'...yet he or she as it were couldn't hear me.
Bloody wished that I had form...not afraid of much...not afraid of anything, but not bein' able to defend myself from whoever this was or even catch their interest with my screams is frustratin'.
For seemingly hours, these thoughts ravaged my thoughts. Wondered who this silent breather was and was thinkin' vampire, which made no sense because couldn't very well be a vampire pickin' me up because could have sworn that I could feel the sun on the amulet at the time I became a passenger.
Wondered what else this could be. Wondered who would be explorin' the hellmouth if it wasn't bloody Giles or Buffy or somthing. Nice thought, that...that it could very well be Buffy holdin' me right now...holdin' me again...except no way in hell that Buffy wouldn't have spoken by now. Buffy would never stay quiet for that...
"OW!"
"OW...OWW...BLOODY OW!!"
Suddenly, in reverse, everything...mostly soddin' pain came flushin' back, ferociously, things moldin' back together, my hair, clearly present on my clearly present head...skin, firmly attached and bloody sore...bones...bones inside hands that are now visible and swingin' me around...
Swingin' me around so that I'm face to face with a giant, hair-gel usin' sod.
Angel.
[Angelus]
Sure, could feel the skin slicin' away in white hot increments from my skin. Could bloody well feel the very bones surroundin' my organs meltin' so hot that they liquified and by proxy, obviously could feel the organs that vampires still use, that keep me alive, burstin' in my chest...could feel all of it and it hurt, bloody hurt like you wouldn't believe, but I had made piece with the idea that this sack of hammers conclusion was a possibility goin' into this big fight.
Had come to terms with all of my past transgressions long ago. Unlike Angel...the thought made me upset because he had kissed Buffy before all of this started...unlike Captain Forehead, my past sins didn't thrash me and make me have to bloody count sheep at night. I was evil and I did what it was in my nature to do when I was evil. I killed people. I killed people to survive. Never after the big man in the cave had forced my soul back in had I felt the need to atone for my past...except for what I had done to Buffy and with things right with her as I was deep fried destroyin' the hellmouth...this was my ultimate atonement for my past sins and it felt right.
No torturin' myself, broodin' every night like a mamby-pamby dark haired vampire ponce from Ireland...I just went out in a blaze of glory to help save the world and to help keep Buffy safe. It was right. Bloody simple. It was right. Had done everything in this world both as an evil vampire and as a champion and let's face it, not disillusioned here that what I wanted most in this world for the rest of my existence...Buffy...had no delusions of bloody grandeur about there bein' white picket fences and barbecues in our future.
I had done it all and was ready to leave for the right reasons.
And...I had done it. Flesh was liquiefied, fangs were molted...hair had melted away and that was the big finale for Spike.
William the bloody was complete.
Except, there was no soddin' brochure tellin' me that by wearin' that amulet, that I would still be cognizant of bloody everything. Sure, my body is gone and everything is confined...but it's not just the soul here. I am completely aware of everything goin' on. I can smell remains, though I don't seem to have a physical nose and now, it's bloody well got me thinkin' Toasted as if lava had covered me and here I am thinkin'.
I'll make no bones about it and I've said this to others before. I was never what one would consider to be a giant in the thinkin' department. I just went where the blood was and was in for the fight. But, when you don't have a body and you bloody well feel like you are confined in the world's smallest elevator, smellin' charred purebred vampire remains, feelin' hot rock underneath of you, but in a way that is muted by something that used to be cold and is now warm...you think a lot.
And...have had some time to realize what's happened. Not sure how much time has passed down here, obviously in the hellmouth, or what's left of it, sun beamin' in in a not fatal way since I have no body and am enclosed in the AMULET, but time had bloody well definitely passed.
Not right. That what this is. Not soddin' right. Did everything for all of the right reasons and here I am all trapped and worst of all, no way in hell that anyone is goin' to find me...lest it be the wrong somebody and since I have no body, there is...wait...it's happenin' right now!
Thought that I heard dirt shiftin' only a minute ago. Now, can bloody well feel a warm hand holdin' me...holdin' the amulet.
"HEY, PUT ME DOWN, WANKER!"
I repeated the scream, changin' the adjective used to describe this unknown person, but again, the person kept walkin' and eventually, I could clearly hear a car bein' started.
Bloody great. Toasted and trapped in the amulet, now I'm probably in some ponce's Volvo on my way to a shelf with other interestin' trinkets.
Screamed again, but if they could hear me, they were ignorin' me. Didn't make sense that I could hear them...though this wanker wasn't sayin' anything and unless I was mistaken...wasn't even breathin'...yet he or she as it were couldn't hear me.
Bloody wished that I had form...not afraid of much...not afraid of anything, but not bein' able to defend myself from whoever this was or even catch their interest with my screams is frustratin'.
For seemingly hours, these thoughts ravaged my thoughts. Wondered who this silent breather was and was thinkin' vampire, which made no sense because couldn't very well be a vampire pickin' me up because could have sworn that I could feel the sun on the amulet at the time I became a passenger.
Wondered what else this could be. Wondered who would be explorin' the hellmouth if it wasn't bloody Giles or Buffy or somthing. Nice thought, that...that it could very well be Buffy holdin' me right now...holdin' me again...except no way in hell that Buffy wouldn't have spoken by now. Buffy would never stay quiet for that...
"OW!"
"OW...OWW...BLOODY OW!!"
Suddenly, in reverse, everything...mostly soddin' pain came flushin' back, ferociously, things moldin' back together, my hair, clearly present on my clearly present head...skin, firmly attached and bloody sore...bones...bones inside hands that are now visible and swingin' me around...
Swingin' me around so that I'm face to face with a giant, hair-gel usin' sod.
Angel.
[Angelus]