(no subject)
I've always wanted to live in Osaka. In addition to having a bunch of friends there, I feel like the size is just about right. It's big enough to have all of the comforts and distractions of a major city without being so large that it's overwhelming or dull. Also, it's very easy to go to Kobe and Kyoto, two other large cities in Kansai that each have a unique feel. More than anything I find Kansai people fairly easy to get along with. They are still Japanese, but they have a frankness and humor that I prefer to the diffident detachment of the typical Tokyo resident.
For every large vacation, I usually head back to Osaka. My former host family and a lot of my friends still live there, and visiting there provides a nice break from the emptiness of living in Tokyo. Every time I go back I always feel surprised at how different these cities are, and a wave of nostalgia for all the times I spent in Osaka. This time it was especially strong because I was there quite a while and had time to see some friends that I hadn't caught up with since the last time I was there about two years ago. Though some things have changed, Osaka is still mostly as I remember it. My friends are still basically the same people, though they're a bit older and have changed jobs. I suppose I've changed too, though it's mostly the details that are different. I'm a bit older and have a little bit better idea of what I want in life.
Seeing these friends and familiar places really made me reflect on what I've been doing lately. I feel like I've made some progress towards where I want to be in my life, but lately I can't seem to reconcile the fact that I'm in charge of my life with the reality that I'm not really satisfied with my current situation. There just seems to be something lacking, as if I'm not headed in the right direction. Living here in Tokyo is certainly bearable, and I do have some good friends here, but somehow I don't feel satisfied. It probably has more to do with the current situation than Tokyo itself. It's certainly big and convenient, but those same things make it a bit hard to warm up to.
Not using Japanese much is depressing. Maybe if I had come to Tokyo first or not really had the chance to learn and use Japanese with my host family I would feel differently, but those kind of suppositions are ultimately moot. Not being forced to use Japanese pretty much puts it at the level of a hobby - literally something I do here and there and maybe on the weekends. Using it daily again would make it much easier to keep learning. I can't shut off this desire I have to keep learning more of this language that always fascinated me. Every time that feeling gets beat down by any of the thousand petty little circumstances of life, it always comes raging back up intermittently. Lately I've been pretty lax in indulging this one. It's time to change things to this one can have it's way with me like an older woman cheating on her husband, the way it used to be. Living for about a week with the old host family and seeing a bunch of Japanese friends reminded me what it's like to speak Japanese actively as a part of my life again. It's really fun, you can learn a lot more quickly, and you feel like you're actually living in Japan! I am very weak to the negative influences of my environment, so I really want to get someplace where I can do this again.
I've met a few more people since moving here, but it's still pretty difficult if you can't do this though work. The best thing that I've come up with is going out drinking with friends every weekend and talking to people in bars. I'm well aware there are several problems with this method, but the meager results I've got have been the best of anything I've tried so far. You need to know where to go, but you also have to be able to judge when it's time to give up and try somewhere else. Especially since you drink the whole time it's not so different from fishing. It still feels like a substitute for a decent way to meet people, but I'll keep doing it until I figure out something better. Meeting people in bars is pretty much a known science, so moving to Osaka would basically mean finding a new set of places.
For every large vacation, I usually head back to Osaka. My former host family and a lot of my friends still live there, and visiting there provides a nice break from the emptiness of living in Tokyo. Every time I go back I always feel surprised at how different these cities are, and a wave of nostalgia for all the times I spent in Osaka. This time it was especially strong because I was there quite a while and had time to see some friends that I hadn't caught up with since the last time I was there about two years ago. Though some things have changed, Osaka is still mostly as I remember it. My friends are still basically the same people, though they're a bit older and have changed jobs. I suppose I've changed too, though it's mostly the details that are different. I'm a bit older and have a little bit better idea of what I want in life.
Seeing these friends and familiar places really made me reflect on what I've been doing lately. I feel like I've made some progress towards where I want to be in my life, but lately I can't seem to reconcile the fact that I'm in charge of my life with the reality that I'm not really satisfied with my current situation. There just seems to be something lacking, as if I'm not headed in the right direction. Living here in Tokyo is certainly bearable, and I do have some good friends here, but somehow I don't feel satisfied. It probably has more to do with the current situation than Tokyo itself. It's certainly big and convenient, but those same things make it a bit hard to warm up to.
Not using Japanese much is depressing. Maybe if I had come to Tokyo first or not really had the chance to learn and use Japanese with my host family I would feel differently, but those kind of suppositions are ultimately moot. Not being forced to use Japanese pretty much puts it at the level of a hobby - literally something I do here and there and maybe on the weekends. Using it daily again would make it much easier to keep learning. I can't shut off this desire I have to keep learning more of this language that always fascinated me. Every time that feeling gets beat down by any of the thousand petty little circumstances of life, it always comes raging back up intermittently. Lately I've been pretty lax in indulging this one. It's time to change things to this one can have it's way with me like an older woman cheating on her husband, the way it used to be. Living for about a week with the old host family and seeing a bunch of Japanese friends reminded me what it's like to speak Japanese actively as a part of my life again. It's really fun, you can learn a lot more quickly, and you feel like you're actually living in Japan! I am very weak to the negative influences of my environment, so I really want to get someplace where I can do this again.
I've met a few more people since moving here, but it's still pretty difficult if you can't do this though work. The best thing that I've come up with is going out drinking with friends every weekend and talking to people in bars. I'm well aware there are several problems with this method, but the meager results I've got have been the best of anything I've tried so far. You need to know where to go, but you also have to be able to judge when it's time to give up and try somewhere else. Especially since you drink the whole time it's not so different from fishing. It still feels like a substitute for a decent way to meet people, but I'll keep doing it until I figure out something better. Meeting people in bars is pretty much a known science, so moving to Osaka would basically mean finding a new set of places.