[fic] Lost. richard, ilana, esau
and now Part 2 of my Lost Big Bang. Also written for 31days exchange.
Title: where you go, I follow
Rating: PG
Author: me
Recipient: vio55
Series: Lost
Characters: Richard, Ilana, Esau, light Richard/Ilana
Summary: Post-finale!AU. She'll follow his light, until that day of reckoning. 1,900 words. Companion to this drabble, can read as stand-alone.
Prompts: #27 - jump ahead to the moment of epiphany, #57 - light
I can take you back, he says. I can get one of our outside people to take you. It’s not too late. You can leave, Ilana, and be safe.
I spent my entire life preparing for this, she returns. Training myself, in order to protect Jacob and his Candidates. Now I can protect you.
I don’t need your help. Richard looks at her, stricken but firm. She admires the way his cotton-white shirt billows against his skin, buffeting against him like a sail. If you stay here, you’ll be a target for him.
I’m not afraid. She takes his hand and squeezes, to reassure him. He stiffens; but she doesn’t let go. He has fine, strong hands, capable of precision - she’s seen that from those ship-in-a-bottle’s he builds.
I’m Jacob’s daughter, you know. You don’t have to worry. Ilana leans her rifle against her shoulder, making sure to smirk in his face before she walks off, back towards the Temple.
(Because I’m stronger than anyone knows.)
*
It’s while she’s supervising the re-building of the Temple that he suddenly appears again, the first time in over six weeks. She slips away as he’s surrounded by Others all wanting to speak with him, touch him, and hear the voice of their leader again (and she can’t blame them for their attention). Sometime later Richard finds her in the makeshift kitchens, where she sits on a stone counter, peeling some fruit.
I’m sorry for not talking to you earlier, he says. Things have been busy lately.
I know. Ilana’s been in the thick of it: scouting, overseeing construction, hunting, combing the beaches for any castaways. Richard’s presence has made the Temple safer than it was, but these stones were not impregnable and the walls needed to be repaired. She lifts her palm and licks it, stopping some citrus juice from running down her wrist.
You’ve made a lot of progress here. I want you to know that I’m grateful for that. Richard fingers his white sleeve, dark eyes calm and grave. I said I didn’t need your help, but now it looks like I couldn’t have done without it. Thank you.
I only oversaw things, really. llana bites her lip, looking amused. That Linus...it was his idea to do this. Get the Temple back into shape. I did help him though, starting the construction...
Ben? Richard frowns slightly. I haven’t seen him at all...not since...well, a long while. I thought he might’ve...joined the survivors on the Ajira plane. I didn’t think he was happy here.
He told me this was the only home he’s ever known. llana places the soft fruit in a bowl and starts peeling another orange. He has a good heart, Richard. He helps out, every day. You should see him, maybe tomorrow.
I will. Richard rubs his eyes. There’s a lot we need to talk about. A lot that needs to be done. I want...I want this place to be the sanctuary that it once was. Somewhere where we can grow and heal. Rebuild.
So do I. She thinks of the children here, and how they fill the ravaged halls with laughter.
I want to appoint a Temple-master, he told her. I was thinking of asking you, but you’re not the type to stay in one place. I was thinking-
Ben, she interrupts, and he blinks.
Make Ben your Temple-master. He deserves it. And he likes being here. Ilana gestures with her knife.
I want you to make me your bodyguard. I can advise you too, if you like. Like you did to my father.
Well when you say it like that, it sounds like I have no choice.
You could order me, she teases. Make an offer I can’t refuse.
I’m not like Jacob. Richard looks down and llana feels sorry in an instant.
I didn’t mean it like that.
I know. His smile is slow and sweet; and sad. Toss me an orange?
*
The sky has deepened from blue to purple by the time Richard leaves the Temple. Ilana escorts him out, as befits her new position, one wary eye keeping a watch on the ruined walls. Richard seems anxious and she fights an instinct to twine her hand through his. Although not a recluse like Jacob was, he still seems remote and distant at times, as if he was listening to something she couldn’t quite hear. She watches the play of torchlight on his bare cheek as they walk side-by-side and wonders what it is exactly that makes him so endearing to her.
Where are you going? She asks, as he stops at the outer wall, peering around. Where does our protector go when the sun goes down?
Richard doesn’t answer. Ilana reminds herself that the island leaders had a habit of keeping themselves to themselves. Jacob had never even brought her to the island until she was in her teens.
I need to know where you’re going, she tries to explain. If I’m going to protect you, help you, I need to be close to your side.
No. Richard steps into the undergrowth. If I need you, I’ll summon you. I may even need you with me during the day, sometimes. But not at night...and not now.
Ricardus, she says, and that makes him pause. In two strides she’s beside him, a hand on his arm. He feels warm under the white cloth, warm and solid, as Jacob had been.
Don’t. It doesn’t have to be this way.
What way? Richard stills as she tentatively slides her hand up his arm to cup his unshaven cheek.
You don’t have to...enforce this loneliness on yourself. You know that.
Richard simply looks at her, until her hand wilts from his face. He shakes off her muttered apology and walks away into the gloom. llana watches as the jungle embraces him; swallows him without a sound.
*
Esau looks up when he hears the soft padding of feet coming towards his campfire. It had rained not an hour ago and the flames steamed; as did the man himself; gently; wrapped in his soaked black garb. He’s not cold. The strange, living heat inside him keeps him warm. He licks a raindrop from his knuckle and smiles when Richard appears from the wet undergrowth.
You’re shivering. Here. Sit down by me. He shifts aside and lets Richard sit close to the flames.
I’m afraid I don’t have any food. If I’d known you were coming I would’ve caught something.
I ate at the Temple. Richard fingers his damp shirt.
I’m sure you were just being polite. Esau adds a twig to the fire.
No. I was hungry.
One day you’ll find you won’t have much of an appetite for anything anymore. So you should savor these things while you can. Esau produces a mango from his sleeve and studies it. Food, drink...women. I saw you talking with llana, you know.
Stop stalking me. Richard eyes his nemesis as Esau bites into the mango with every sign of enjoyment. And stay away from her.
She wants you. That’s pretty clear.
Carefully, Richard takes the cross off his neck and begins to polish the faded gold with his hem.
I understand. The dark man wipes his mouth. But she never can...nor can any of them. No one else is like us. There’s you, and there’s me. And there always will be.
No, Richard replies in a low voice. He looks up from his hands, eyes empty slots. Jacob could never kill you because he wronged you somehow, in the past. That, and you were his brother. So he always lived with that guilt. But I don’t. Think about that, Esau.
Oh, I do. Firelight flickers in Esau’s pale eyes. That’s what I like about this arrangement, Ricardo. When I first saw you, after everyone had left...standing there, with that look on your face...the knowledge, the terrible knowledge sinking in...I thought to myself, ‘I’m going to enjoy this.’ And I am.
Aren’t you?
Enjoy your mango. Richard pushes himself up, stepping over the wet ground. Esau watches him leave, thoughtful, nuzzling the fruit against his lips.
See, he whispers into the bright flesh. You are.
*
A few days pass. Ilana spends them with Richard, whenever he needs her, around the Temple or the old Barracks. Engineers have come from the outside, busily repairing the broken pylons that surround the settlement.
Smart but dangerous, Ilana remarks, watching them work. He could come by and destroy our progress at any moment.
That’s why I’m here. Richard moves easily through the long grass, eyes flickering over the edge of the jungle. At least this way you’ll have some warning.
My eyes are sharper than you think. She cups her rifle as she says this, knowing full well that if the monster came she would be more of a hindrance than a help.
Richard smiles a little oddly, as if he heard her thought. His hair is longer than it was, brushing his neck in a shaggy mane. Ilana thinks of his old outfit of neat khakis and cotton button-downs and wonders if the jungle has somehow seeped back into his skin. Not, she muses as she admires the tan V of his chest; that she was complaining.
I remember what you said to me, he says suddenly, making her start. About...not having to be alone.
llana watches the grass blow in the breeze and says nothing.
I think...to do what I do now, I have to be.
She nods to herself, lips tightening. She will not cry. She came here to help him, to follow him, and she’ll stay here as long as he needs her...but not one tear will grace her cheek. For Ilana knows the truth so very well: men will give up anything for the island. Their happiness; their lives. She will not give it her pain as well.
Listen to me, Richard says, haltingly. One day...I’ll win. I know it. Then...maybe then, I...
Shall I wait around here for you to kill him? Her old smile creeps back to her lips. Some of us don’t have eternity.
God, he swears. Don’t make me say it. I don’t want to.
What?
If you want me. Richard looks at her, sad and furious. If you’d ask me...if you really wanted it...I’d give it to you.
Give me what?
This. Richard touches his cheek, his brow, shows her the unlined skin of his hands. Immortality. As Jacob once gave it to me. But I’d be lying if I said living forever hasn’t brought me more pain and suffering than joy. I gave up my humanity because I had nothing left, Ilana. Nothing and no one.
He takes her wrist, roughly, and presses his lips against her ear.
Come to me when you’re hollow and broken and have nothing left inside you. Because that’s the only way I’ll give it to you.
He steps away.
Until then, live. And serve.
Ilana watches his cream-clad back move away through the grass. Her ears glow hotly with his breath, the shape of his fingers imprinted white against her forearm like a brand. After awhile she hitches up her rifle again and follows in his wake.
Then I will live, she vows silently. And serve. Serve you, as I served him. For as long as it takes.
Until the very day that monster’s bones are dust.
[end]
Title: where you go, I follow
Rating: PG
Author: me
Recipient: vio55
Series: Lost
Characters: Richard, Ilana, Esau, light Richard/Ilana
Summary: Post-finale!AU. She'll follow his light, until that day of reckoning. 1,900 words. Companion to this drabble, can read as stand-alone.
Prompts: #27 - jump ahead to the moment of epiphany, #57 - light
I can take you back, he says. I can get one of our outside people to take you. It’s not too late. You can leave, Ilana, and be safe.
I spent my entire life preparing for this, she returns. Training myself, in order to protect Jacob and his Candidates. Now I can protect you.
I don’t need your help. Richard looks at her, stricken but firm. She admires the way his cotton-white shirt billows against his skin, buffeting against him like a sail. If you stay here, you’ll be a target for him.
I’m not afraid. She takes his hand and squeezes, to reassure him. He stiffens; but she doesn’t let go. He has fine, strong hands, capable of precision - she’s seen that from those ship-in-a-bottle’s he builds.
I’m Jacob’s daughter, you know. You don’t have to worry. Ilana leans her rifle against her shoulder, making sure to smirk in his face before she walks off, back towards the Temple.
(Because I’m stronger than anyone knows.)
*
It’s while she’s supervising the re-building of the Temple that he suddenly appears again, the first time in over six weeks. She slips away as he’s surrounded by Others all wanting to speak with him, touch him, and hear the voice of their leader again (and she can’t blame them for their attention). Sometime later Richard finds her in the makeshift kitchens, where she sits on a stone counter, peeling some fruit.
I’m sorry for not talking to you earlier, he says. Things have been busy lately.
I know. Ilana’s been in the thick of it: scouting, overseeing construction, hunting, combing the beaches for any castaways. Richard’s presence has made the Temple safer than it was, but these stones were not impregnable and the walls needed to be repaired. She lifts her palm and licks it, stopping some citrus juice from running down her wrist.
You’ve made a lot of progress here. I want you to know that I’m grateful for that. Richard fingers his white sleeve, dark eyes calm and grave. I said I didn’t need your help, but now it looks like I couldn’t have done without it. Thank you.
I only oversaw things, really. llana bites her lip, looking amused. That Linus...it was his idea to do this. Get the Temple back into shape. I did help him though, starting the construction...
Ben? Richard frowns slightly. I haven’t seen him at all...not since...well, a long while. I thought he might’ve...joined the survivors on the Ajira plane. I didn’t think he was happy here.
He told me this was the only home he’s ever known. llana places the soft fruit in a bowl and starts peeling another orange. He has a good heart, Richard. He helps out, every day. You should see him, maybe tomorrow.
I will. Richard rubs his eyes. There’s a lot we need to talk about. A lot that needs to be done. I want...I want this place to be the sanctuary that it once was. Somewhere where we can grow and heal. Rebuild.
So do I. She thinks of the children here, and how they fill the ravaged halls with laughter.
I want to appoint a Temple-master, he told her. I was thinking of asking you, but you’re not the type to stay in one place. I was thinking-
Ben, she interrupts, and he blinks.
Make Ben your Temple-master. He deserves it. And he likes being here. Ilana gestures with her knife.
I want you to make me your bodyguard. I can advise you too, if you like. Like you did to my father.
Well when you say it like that, it sounds like I have no choice.
You could order me, she teases. Make an offer I can’t refuse.
I’m not like Jacob. Richard looks down and llana feels sorry in an instant.
I didn’t mean it like that.
I know. His smile is slow and sweet; and sad. Toss me an orange?
*
The sky has deepened from blue to purple by the time Richard leaves the Temple. Ilana escorts him out, as befits her new position, one wary eye keeping a watch on the ruined walls. Richard seems anxious and she fights an instinct to twine her hand through his. Although not a recluse like Jacob was, he still seems remote and distant at times, as if he was listening to something she couldn’t quite hear. She watches the play of torchlight on his bare cheek as they walk side-by-side and wonders what it is exactly that makes him so endearing to her.
Where are you going? She asks, as he stops at the outer wall, peering around. Where does our protector go when the sun goes down?
Richard doesn’t answer. Ilana reminds herself that the island leaders had a habit of keeping themselves to themselves. Jacob had never even brought her to the island until she was in her teens.
I need to know where you’re going, she tries to explain. If I’m going to protect you, help you, I need to be close to your side.
No. Richard steps into the undergrowth. If I need you, I’ll summon you. I may even need you with me during the day, sometimes. But not at night...and not now.
Ricardus, she says, and that makes him pause. In two strides she’s beside him, a hand on his arm. He feels warm under the white cloth, warm and solid, as Jacob had been.
Don’t. It doesn’t have to be this way.
What way? Richard stills as she tentatively slides her hand up his arm to cup his unshaven cheek.
You don’t have to...enforce this loneliness on yourself. You know that.
Richard simply looks at her, until her hand wilts from his face. He shakes off her muttered apology and walks away into the gloom. llana watches as the jungle embraces him; swallows him without a sound.
*
Esau looks up when he hears the soft padding of feet coming towards his campfire. It had rained not an hour ago and the flames steamed; as did the man himself; gently; wrapped in his soaked black garb. He’s not cold. The strange, living heat inside him keeps him warm. He licks a raindrop from his knuckle and smiles when Richard appears from the wet undergrowth.
You’re shivering. Here. Sit down by me. He shifts aside and lets Richard sit close to the flames.
I’m afraid I don’t have any food. If I’d known you were coming I would’ve caught something.
I ate at the Temple. Richard fingers his damp shirt.
I’m sure you were just being polite. Esau adds a twig to the fire.
No. I was hungry.
One day you’ll find you won’t have much of an appetite for anything anymore. So you should savor these things while you can. Esau produces a mango from his sleeve and studies it. Food, drink...women. I saw you talking with llana, you know.
Stop stalking me. Richard eyes his nemesis as Esau bites into the mango with every sign of enjoyment. And stay away from her.
She wants you. That’s pretty clear.
Carefully, Richard takes the cross off his neck and begins to polish the faded gold with his hem.
I understand. The dark man wipes his mouth. But she never can...nor can any of them. No one else is like us. There’s you, and there’s me. And there always will be.
No, Richard replies in a low voice. He looks up from his hands, eyes empty slots. Jacob could never kill you because he wronged you somehow, in the past. That, and you were his brother. So he always lived with that guilt. But I don’t. Think about that, Esau.
Oh, I do. Firelight flickers in Esau’s pale eyes. That’s what I like about this arrangement, Ricardo. When I first saw you, after everyone had left...standing there, with that look on your face...the knowledge, the terrible knowledge sinking in...I thought to myself, ‘I’m going to enjoy this.’ And I am.
Aren’t you?
Enjoy your mango. Richard pushes himself up, stepping over the wet ground. Esau watches him leave, thoughtful, nuzzling the fruit against his lips.
See, he whispers into the bright flesh. You are.
*
A few days pass. Ilana spends them with Richard, whenever he needs her, around the Temple or the old Barracks. Engineers have come from the outside, busily repairing the broken pylons that surround the settlement.
Smart but dangerous, Ilana remarks, watching them work. He could come by and destroy our progress at any moment.
That’s why I’m here. Richard moves easily through the long grass, eyes flickering over the edge of the jungle. At least this way you’ll have some warning.
My eyes are sharper than you think. She cups her rifle as she says this, knowing full well that if the monster came she would be more of a hindrance than a help.
Richard smiles a little oddly, as if he heard her thought. His hair is longer than it was, brushing his neck in a shaggy mane. Ilana thinks of his old outfit of neat khakis and cotton button-downs and wonders if the jungle has somehow seeped back into his skin. Not, she muses as she admires the tan V of his chest; that she was complaining.
I remember what you said to me, he says suddenly, making her start. About...not having to be alone.
llana watches the grass blow in the breeze and says nothing.
I think...to do what I do now, I have to be.
She nods to herself, lips tightening. She will not cry. She came here to help him, to follow him, and she’ll stay here as long as he needs her...but not one tear will grace her cheek. For Ilana knows the truth so very well: men will give up anything for the island. Their happiness; their lives. She will not give it her pain as well.
Listen to me, Richard says, haltingly. One day...I’ll win. I know it. Then...maybe then, I...
Shall I wait around here for you to kill him? Her old smile creeps back to her lips. Some of us don’t have eternity.
God, he swears. Don’t make me say it. I don’t want to.
What?
If you want me. Richard looks at her, sad and furious. If you’d ask me...if you really wanted it...I’d give it to you.
Give me what?
This. Richard touches his cheek, his brow, shows her the unlined skin of his hands. Immortality. As Jacob once gave it to me. But I’d be lying if I said living forever hasn’t brought me more pain and suffering than joy. I gave up my humanity because I had nothing left, Ilana. Nothing and no one.
He takes her wrist, roughly, and presses his lips against her ear.
Come to me when you’re hollow and broken and have nothing left inside you. Because that’s the only way I’ll give it to you.
He steps away.
Until then, live. And serve.
Ilana watches his cream-clad back move away through the grass. Her ears glow hotly with his breath, the shape of his fingers imprinted white against her forearm like a brand. After awhile she hitches up her rifle again and follows in his wake.
Then I will live, she vows silently. And serve. Serve you, as I served him. For as long as it takes.
Until the very day that monster’s bones are dust.
[end]