(no subject)

[raikun]

I'ma start using this again because atm my life is so stupid that even I cant keep track of it so I'ma use this just to be able to keep track of my own stupid life.

I've just got many conflicting feelings... too many inside of me.

Take for example my best friend... I love him like a fucking brother... but I'm holding him back from doing something he wants.

My friends are all nice to me... they've been there when I was trampled on and though sometimes I may be arrogant and quite frankly the worst person to be with... they've stuck by me.

I used to think it was brothers over lovers but now... I'm not so sure. I don't really wanna hold him back.

But... I have a crush on this girl...

and it's almost like I'm not there...

she's got her problems... but I dont have any of my own.

It's just the feeling of helplessness.. worthlessness and uselessness...

I'm useless. I'm worthless.

But fucking hell I'm not gonna let anyone know that I'm that way.

She won't know who I am, she wont know who I'm talking about:

I just wish I could be there... that I'm not so useless...

that's just the way I feel.

I just wanna be there....

for you.