(no subject)
Every time, I know that getting my hopes up only makes me upset...
Somehow, though, it's happened again...
Can I truly enjoy the only vacation I've ever picked for myself?
Who knows...?
Oh, this is ridiculous. Why do I feel so awful about going to Japan? Yes, it does prevent the family reunion for my grandfather's eightieth birthday (well, 80th by Chinese years). But no one would dream of reproaching me, mainly using the logic "but you were the one who proposed your trip first". Somehow, I hoped it would make me happy...
But I'm sure those of you who know me well know, or could guess, that I'm always, always hiding guilt at being the one who got "the most". But when I do sacrifice... Oh, I'm so bitter about it.
I suppose the happy medium would be agreement. Compromise is impossible for things like this, so we'll have to settle for agreement - if it could be possible. But, no, it's always yielding (usually by me, though not without a fuss that spoils everyone else's fun).
I'll just imagine seeing Koharu in real life at last, even if only from a distance, and let that comfort me, if nothing else can.