Another check-in.
Things are better. Not perfect, not even great, but better. I'm not crying anymore. Haven't for months, except in my usual moments of being touched somehow by life. I'm still a year past my timeline, still not seeing anyone, and starting to hear a vague, echoing ticking. But I'm stable. Most days I'm happy, or at least content, and I don't feel that cold, stinging loneliness that I feared I would. I *am* lonely, of course. I am not a creature meant to walk alone - I knew that ten years ago when I named this journal, and I know it now - but for the moment I am content to let the cards fall as they may. I am still young. Patience and faith.
Really, I have very little to report, I just want to leave a record for myself of a time when things weren't desperate.
Scott: There is beauty in this world. There is hope and there is love. Your ability to acutely feel these things is your gift, and the most wonderful part of you. Don't shun it. Realize that even when things feel hopeless and you're lost, the very fact that you can feel so strongly means that you haven't lost who you are, and you can keep going.
Things will be okay. I love you even when you don't love yourself. You are beautiful. *Things will be okay.*
Really, I have very little to report, I just want to leave a record for myself of a time when things weren't desperate.
Scott: There is beauty in this world. There is hope and there is love. Your ability to acutely feel these things is your gift, and the most wonderful part of you. Don't shun it. Realize that even when things feel hopeless and you're lost, the very fact that you can feel so strongly means that you haven't lost who you are, and you can keep going.
Things will be okay. I love you even when you don't love yourself. You are beautiful. *Things will be okay.*