Love, Boundaries, and Getting Older.
How about I love myself?
No, really, I think I will.
I mean, shit, somebody has to, right?
Today, I bought myself a new knife, to ward off the slew of weird men who've become smitten with me lately. I'm tired of them pushing boundaries and not respecting me. It's time to push back. Fuck people who won't respect the boundaries I set-- I don't need losers like them in my life. I gave the most recent infatuated guy a spell jar, and he hasn't bothered me since. No contact what-so-ever. Now I call that a successful spell.
I also bought myself a beautiful silver necklace with a tiny rainbow heart, a gift for me, because I deserve to have something that tells me I am loved. I have a very definite boundary between true love and friendship love. I have a LOT of friend-love right now, for which I'm very grateful. My new roommates are wonderful, and we're forming very close bonds with one-another; it's becoming a real family in my home, and that's so wonderful. We went to the beach together the other day, and we've spent the last couple nights relaxing and smoking hookah and drinking wine and making music together. Blissful. But you know, I need more than that.
I need someone who really loves me for who I am and wants to show me that love through physical contact. I need affection, I need caresses, I need to feel wanted. And I think, in absence of anyone else giving me that, I just need to give that to myself right now. But you know, I think I'm going to try really loving myself like someone else would-- I'll treat myself to little things because I love me, I'll make mad passionate love to myself so my bed won't feel so empty, I'll stand up for myself and respect myself and defend me against people who don't honor and value the person I am. I don't understand it, but I honestly think that a change in perspective like this will help me treasure myself.
I'm considering getting a tattoo, actually... it's a saying I find great meaning in, which has captured my imagination, and that I connect with personally: 一輪の花 "ichirin no hana", which translates to "Lone Flower." It's a sentiment I like. I feel like a unique specimen, a strange and lovely creature all by herself. And maybe... maybe that's for the best. Maybe no-one can do me justice.
Maybe I'll get it done for my birthday... it's coming up, you know. I forgot all about it! It's exactly two weeks from today, the 20th of July. I should ask someone for the gift of a tattoo. ^_^ I'll be twenty-two years old; isn't that rad? My my, time just keeps going by faster and faster!
I have found a wonderful little concoction, and it's called Kava Kava. It makes me calm and sleepy... sleepy... sleepy. I should go to sleep now, methinks. お休み なさい 友達たち。 oyasumi nasai tomodachitachi!
No, really, I think I will.
I mean, shit, somebody has to, right?
Today, I bought myself a new knife, to ward off the slew of weird men who've become smitten with me lately. I'm tired of them pushing boundaries and not respecting me. It's time to push back. Fuck people who won't respect the boundaries I set-- I don't need losers like them in my life. I gave the most recent infatuated guy a spell jar, and he hasn't bothered me since. No contact what-so-ever. Now I call that a successful spell.
I also bought myself a beautiful silver necklace with a tiny rainbow heart, a gift for me, because I deserve to have something that tells me I am loved. I have a very definite boundary between true love and friendship love. I have a LOT of friend-love right now, for which I'm very grateful. My new roommates are wonderful, and we're forming very close bonds with one-another; it's becoming a real family in my home, and that's so wonderful. We went to the beach together the other day, and we've spent the last couple nights relaxing and smoking hookah and drinking wine and making music together. Blissful. But you know, I need more than that.
I need someone who really loves me for who I am and wants to show me that love through physical contact. I need affection, I need caresses, I need to feel wanted. And I think, in absence of anyone else giving me that, I just need to give that to myself right now. But you know, I think I'm going to try really loving myself like someone else would-- I'll treat myself to little things because I love me, I'll make mad passionate love to myself so my bed won't feel so empty, I'll stand up for myself and respect myself and defend me against people who don't honor and value the person I am. I don't understand it, but I honestly think that a change in perspective like this will help me treasure myself.
I'm considering getting a tattoo, actually... it's a saying I find great meaning in, which has captured my imagination, and that I connect with personally: 一輪の花 "ichirin no hana", which translates to "Lone Flower." It's a sentiment I like. I feel like a unique specimen, a strange and lovely creature all by herself. And maybe... maybe that's for the best. Maybe no-one can do me justice.
Maybe I'll get it done for my birthday... it's coming up, you know. I forgot all about it! It's exactly two weeks from today, the 20th of July. I should ask someone for the gift of a tattoo. ^_^ I'll be twenty-two years old; isn't that rad? My my, time just keeps going by faster and faster!
I have found a wonderful little concoction, and it's called Kava Kava. It makes me calm and sleepy... sleepy... sleepy. I should go to sleep now, methinks. お休み なさい 友達たち。 oyasumi nasai tomodachitachi!