(no subject)

[raije]

so how should you feel?
better than you really are?
worse than you really are?
how you really are?
how do you know how you are?

sometimes I see myself as a super hero pop star
other times the complete opposite,
someone not even worthy to be a part of society,
not even worthy of a good job, not worthy of a wife,
not worthy of a house, kids, a sports car, a best friend.
Maybe becuase I've never had any of them...

So I keep getting pushed to the side of super hero pop star
when really I might not even have what it takes.
You'll beg to differ I'm sure, because that's what people do
but maybe it's all in my head. The advancements I've made
are strictly personal. Maybe they hold no value
in the industry for which they were intended.

Maybe they belong in my room blasting out of the speakers
while my nieces and nephews dance, looking up to their uncle
in this tiny little town which has really become the world.

I've seen people react to me, been interested in joining
what I have going. This leads me to believe they're
just as lost as me, or that I really have something.
Sad to say, out of all the people I've met, I'm
one of the only serious ones. What's a hobby to them
is a lifestyle to me. Yet, I'm no further than they are.

But it's like one of those things that can change overnight.
So I go to sleep and wait for it. But in the morning I turn over
grab my phone and my glasses, and walk downstairs for another day
of guessing and dreaming and wondering if it's possible and how far
I need to go