The letter.
Dear Mommy,
It's funny, how when I talk about you to grama, I still call you mommy. Like that 5 year old you left 14 years ago. I never got the chance to outgrow it. It's taken me this long to finally write this letter, because I never knew what I was going to say. I didn't cry the day you died, but instead held grama because she just lost you. I guess I never really felt like I lost you, because you were never around. You were either in jail, in rehab, or gone off leaving me with grama, or in a foster home for a while. I know I loved you, but I just couldn't bring myself to cry for you.
I grew up, being rideculed and teased for being without a mom, let alone both parents. All because you were selfish. I know it sounds harsh, but what else can I say? It's not like you had anything to stay alive for...oh wait. I just wanted to be loved like the other kids. Did you know I once felt sorry for myself? I thought it was MY fault. I thought that I was too much for you to handle, and thats why you did it. Then I realized how STUPID that was. I was no different from any other child. I cried, I begged, I whined..but other parents can do it. Why couldn't you? You were selfish. You thought only of you. Something I try my hardest not to do, because I never want to turn out like you. Grama thinks I will, but I'll show her. I think unlce Dan just sees me as some...smudge you left on the world. He has despised me since I can remember. He doesn't love me, not like an uncle should.
My father died almost a year ago. That lowlife scum you thought you loved, who left you and me at the first sign of responsibility. I used to think that I wanted to meet him, until I learned what he did to you...to us. I often wondered would it have been better if you didn't know him, if I was never born. How the lives of everyone I know and care about would be different. I'm not saying I have made such an impact, but mommy, come on, I'm Josh Gaynor. I was going to meet my father but he died before I got the chance. I'm hoping that this was more a blessing then anything.
I just want you to know that I'm doing fine without you. Grama has done an amazing job, and I hope when you see her you thank her...because she did what you just couldn't do. Live for someone else. I owe her so much, and so do you. Mommy, we'll meet again, but until then I just want you to know I'm doing great. I know you care about me, I know you love me, I just wish you were around to tell me so yourself.
Love Always,
Joshua
It's funny, how when I talk about you to grama, I still call you mommy. Like that 5 year old you left 14 years ago. I never got the chance to outgrow it. It's taken me this long to finally write this letter, because I never knew what I was going to say. I didn't cry the day you died, but instead held grama because she just lost you. I guess I never really felt like I lost you, because you were never around. You were either in jail, in rehab, or gone off leaving me with grama, or in a foster home for a while. I know I loved you, but I just couldn't bring myself to cry for you.
I grew up, being rideculed and teased for being without a mom, let alone both parents. All because you were selfish. I know it sounds harsh, but what else can I say? It's not like you had anything to stay alive for...oh wait. I just wanted to be loved like the other kids. Did you know I once felt sorry for myself? I thought it was MY fault. I thought that I was too much for you to handle, and thats why you did it. Then I realized how STUPID that was. I was no different from any other child. I cried, I begged, I whined..but other parents can do it. Why couldn't you? You were selfish. You thought only of you. Something I try my hardest not to do, because I never want to turn out like you. Grama thinks I will, but I'll show her. I think unlce Dan just sees me as some...smudge you left on the world. He has despised me since I can remember. He doesn't love me, not like an uncle should.
My father died almost a year ago. That lowlife scum you thought you loved, who left you and me at the first sign of responsibility. I used to think that I wanted to meet him, until I learned what he did to you...to us. I often wondered would it have been better if you didn't know him, if I was never born. How the lives of everyone I know and care about would be different. I'm not saying I have made such an impact, but mommy, come on, I'm Josh Gaynor. I was going to meet my father but he died before I got the chance. I'm hoping that this was more a blessing then anything.
I just want you to know that I'm doing fine without you. Grama has done an amazing job, and I hope when you see her you thank her...because she did what you just couldn't do. Live for someone else. I owe her so much, and so do you. Mommy, we'll meet again, but until then I just want you to know I'm doing great. I know you care about me, I know you love me, I just wish you were around to tell me so yourself.
Love Always,
Joshua