Where do we go from here?
For the first, I'm going to have to agree with momentai's assessment about the capitalization of "Black" and "White" to indicate proper nouns. While I was hesitant because of my quandaries about identifying such as particular groups, the way I was using them spoke to people who I'm assuming do have clear designations for such and identify particular groups. Since I'm assuming my audience's views about racial identity qualify such as specific groups, that means the proper use for "White" and "Black" is capitalized.Mango sherbert (free with frequent buyer Kroger coupon) plus cream of coconut (dented cans discount bin) plus guava syrup (manager's discount bin for stuff that isn't selling) equals cheap and ZOMGNOMNOMNOM. I've had to limit myself to a scoop a day rather than a bowl; given my druthers, I would probably gorge myself. This way is probably healthier, and it will definitely last longer. Yay, I'm losing weight!Wednesday I saw a smallish blue heron huddled beneath a sheltering branch on an artificial pond. Very out-of-context, this pond is within an office park next to a major highway, with two-story buildings, across which I could probably hurl a rock (given a running start). It's mostly occupied by ducks, with a handful of geese and two swans. It was still there when I walked back, blinking suspiciously at this almost two-hundred pound beast passing less than ten feet away from it. Also saw a hawk, gliding above a strip mall looking for something to kill.There is a problem with my previously-lauded concept of social capital, in that people who lack social skills and/or are unpopular end up being left out of the loop. It seems obvious that people without "the right connections" have difficulty finding work, and while there is a certain satisfaction in seeing the uppance of one's enemies come in a (from your perspective) particularly karmic manner, it isn't necessarily fair. I don't have any good solutions for this one other than getting people to develop their connections more thoroughly, and my previous entry's benediction to lend a hand. Despite our best efforts, we shy away from people who are different than us and/or unacceptable to society at large. There's some evolutionary basis in avoiding plague, possible attack, or the depletion of the aforementioned social capital by the shunning of the people around you for befriending in "one of those"; but we can evolve beyond the (mostly reasonable) reasons held by our ancestors.
Oh, and more about personal connections below.So last night I intentionally walked home late. Four miles in just over an hour. I didn't miss the bus (or do my occasional stubborn thing of walk rather than waiting at a given stop and miss it because it passes while I'm in between stops... unless you count the whole night as an extension of that idea), I didn't cancel an appointment, I just walked; partly as a guilt thing for eating a ton of candy earlier, but also to give myself time to think. Somewhen along the way I called my sister to tell her I love her, and one of the thoughts that popped into my head was, "Why?" We really don't have that much in common, but it's there regardless. Not as a criticism, not that I have to change anything about it, just... why? Family? I know it wasn't there while we were cohabiting... then again, she was kind of a brat. I'm not going to advocate "love the one you're with" because that can be too easily misinterpreted, but I am going to say... if you love people regardless (as in the old quote, "Like is because, love is despite", and accept the way they are rather than wanting to try to change them, you'll be more satisfied with the people in your life and less likely to have conflict when the unfounded expectations splatter against the walls of the Truth. Conversely, one theory about "magic" (be it psychology, intention, awesome cosmic powers, or whathaveyou) is that your perception and reality line up and shape one another; which in this case means that the more you appreciate said people, the more you'll find to appreciate. (And you can scratch your head silly wondering whether they've had that tattoo before you thought to look there...)Soo... yeah. I've posted much more frequently of late. Like one of my friends, this means I'm either having lots of experiences or lots of brains to unpack. Unlike said friend, this doesn't mean I'm going through a lot of trauma (other than another phrase of which I'm fond, "You have to break to grow.") Sidhe indirectly criticized me for not having deep connections with the people around me or setting the world on fire with my passions. Despite some level of resentment with how flippant the comments came, I have to admit agreement, and inspiration. For the first, I want to connect. I have a scant handful of people with whom I feel myself; I should spend more time with those, seek more, and (as suggested by above) come to a better understand with those and all people. As suggested above by the perception part, I can also catalyze this process by (oddly inspired directly by my critic) coming to a deeper understanding of myself. It will be easier to present myself as interesting, worthy of love, worthy of attention, and so on if I feel that way about myself while coming to a place of accepting others' thoughts (regardless of what they are); and in that vein, I'll find more people who agree that I am. I'm still fighting with the idea with which envirochick presented me so many years ago, but in short, I really shouldn't worry that much about what other people think about me. In long, I should take more care with how I feel about myself, and if everything works the way it's supposed to, I'll have nothing to worry about with regards to others even if I did worry. There is also a point about the reality of who I am rolling over people's false expectations of me (my biggest worry), which is another reason to be more concerned with my own self-esteem than that of others.
As a side note, I have no idea where I want to fit it in, but I do want to dance more and be able to express particular music I hear. Putting the radio on more often helps, but I should do more to get in shape... this comes as a simultaneously reluctant and happy discovery. However it is, I'm hoping my muse can help with the expression end of things.
Setting the world on fire? That's both easy and hard. Just get a bunch of gasoline... with a big enough lever Ah, I love joking. Anyways, where were we? Oh right... being the king of ridiculous things. Driving to a milonga two hours away, unexpected appearances at someone's thesis, DragonCon guest status (how many game designers do you know?), and various other connections have convinced me that I'm capable of all sorts of things. The question at this point isn't whether I will use my power for good or evil, since avoiding suffering is ingrained as part of my being. There is a question of dharma and sin, since I don't have the same obvious path that some people do... to quote the Indigo Girls, "Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable, and Lightness has a call that's hard to hear". But I've already determined that I can do incredible things; what do I want to do? There is some concern that putting too much energy towards such efforts (including the dancing) will put me at odds with my resolution of "take better care of myself", but I also hope that working in the flow will be almost effortless (kind of like walking home last night, actually). I guess right now it's a case of pushing myself to accomplish the things on my list, and as it continues to start to put larger accomplishments and life experiences on my list, and trust. That which is part of my path will come to me, and that which is not will hold nothing for me and I won't do it, and I'll accept it regardless.
I love my life. Maybe I should go to Argentina next year? No reason not to, and it's on the list somewhere...
Oh, and more about personal connections below.So last night I intentionally walked home late. Four miles in just over an hour. I didn't miss the bus (or do my occasional stubborn thing of walk rather than waiting at a given stop and miss it because it passes while I'm in between stops... unless you count the whole night as an extension of that idea), I didn't cancel an appointment, I just walked; partly as a guilt thing for eating a ton of candy earlier, but also to give myself time to think. Somewhen along the way I called my sister to tell her I love her, and one of the thoughts that popped into my head was, "Why?" We really don't have that much in common, but it's there regardless. Not as a criticism, not that I have to change anything about it, just... why? Family? I know it wasn't there while we were cohabiting... then again, she was kind of a brat. I'm not going to advocate "love the one you're with" because that can be too easily misinterpreted, but I am going to say... if you love people regardless (as in the old quote, "Like is because, love is despite", and accept the way they are rather than wanting to try to change them, you'll be more satisfied with the people in your life and less likely to have conflict when the unfounded expectations splatter against the walls of the Truth. Conversely, one theory about "magic" (be it psychology, intention, awesome cosmic powers, or whathaveyou) is that your perception and reality line up and shape one another; which in this case means that the more you appreciate said people, the more you'll find to appreciate. (And you can scratch your head silly wondering whether they've had that tattoo before you thought to look there...)Soo... yeah. I've posted much more frequently of late. Like one of my friends, this means I'm either having lots of experiences or lots of brains to unpack. Unlike said friend, this doesn't mean I'm going through a lot of trauma (other than another phrase of which I'm fond, "You have to break to grow.") Sidhe indirectly criticized me for not having deep connections with the people around me or setting the world on fire with my passions. Despite some level of resentment with how flippant the comments came, I have to admit agreement, and inspiration. For the first, I want to connect. I have a scant handful of people with whom I feel myself; I should spend more time with those, seek more, and (as suggested by above) come to a better understand with those and all people. As suggested above by the perception part, I can also catalyze this process by (oddly inspired directly by my critic) coming to a deeper understanding of myself. It will be easier to present myself as interesting, worthy of love, worthy of attention, and so on if I feel that way about myself while coming to a place of accepting others' thoughts (regardless of what they are); and in that vein, I'll find more people who agree that I am. I'm still fighting with the idea with which envirochick presented me so many years ago, but in short, I really shouldn't worry that much about what other people think about me. In long, I should take more care with how I feel about myself, and if everything works the way it's supposed to, I'll have nothing to worry about with regards to others even if I did worry. There is also a point about the reality of who I am rolling over people's false expectations of me (my biggest worry), which is another reason to be more concerned with my own self-esteem than that of others.
As a side note, I have no idea where I want to fit it in, but I do want to dance more and be able to express particular music I hear. Putting the radio on more often helps, but I should do more to get in shape... this comes as a simultaneously reluctant and happy discovery. However it is, I'm hoping my muse can help with the expression end of things.
Setting the world on fire? That's both easy and hard. Just get a bunch of gasoline... with a big enough lever Ah, I love joking. Anyways, where were we? Oh right... being the king of ridiculous things. Driving to a milonga two hours away, unexpected appearances at someone's thesis, DragonCon guest status (how many game designers do you know?), and various other connections have convinced me that I'm capable of all sorts of things. The question at this point isn't whether I will use my power for good or evil, since avoiding suffering is ingrained as part of my being. There is a question of dharma and sin, since I don't have the same obvious path that some people do... to quote the Indigo Girls, "Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable, and Lightness has a call that's hard to hear". But I've already determined that I can do incredible things; what do I want to do? There is some concern that putting too much energy towards such efforts (including the dancing) will put me at odds with my resolution of "take better care of myself", but I also hope that working in the flow will be almost effortless (kind of like walking home last night, actually). I guess right now it's a case of pushing myself to accomplish the things on my list, and as it continues to start to put larger accomplishments and life experiences on my list, and trust. That which is part of my path will come to me, and that which is not will hold nothing for me and I won't do it, and I'll accept it regardless.
I love my life. Maybe I should go to Argentina next year? No reason not to, and it's on the list somewhere...