Personality redux
Wow! Yesterday’s post spawned way more discussion than I expected.Pollen count has passed 4000. Not sick yet, still waiting for Dragonball posts.I forgot about the Easter cake, that makes four.The disagreements I mentioned usually stick with me so much because either they strike at my core beliefs (as the critique did about my relative desirability and doing what I thought was right), or during the course of discussion one or more things are inconsistent but I didn't pick up on it then.
I have a very bad case of l'esprit d'escalier.
Also self blame. While I'm very fond of my s'mother's quote "Don't should on yourself", I need to remind myself of such more often. As it is, I bounce arguments around in my head for days afterwards, and still remember really nasty comments from years ago. Need more healing potions.Also of potential interest, posted on a friend's journal. Of course, we have to watch out for "Every psych student becomes a hypochondriac", but I identify with several of these. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorderAnother one I'm feeling... that I think I mentioned before... is option overload. It seems quite a few people know what they want to do when they grow up. Lots of my peers have higher degrees. What am I supposed to do?
Probably get rid of the "supposed to" pressure. Other than that, I'm slowly looking at a few things, and just sort of bobbing along until a choice (or more) is clear.
I also feel like I'm just barely making it from one day to the next. Not in a suicidal way, no worries there, but in that I don't feel like an adult, and I keep letting things slip through the cracks, and something I missed is going to end up biting me in the butt. Some of these actually have, already; a misunderstood phone contract and a credit card thing and a forgotten form have cost me hundreds of dollars, and there have been other things I've broken or lost due to negligence. Hell, my last car broke down because, in part, I didn't drive it often enough. And despite all my accomplishments and list-checking last year, some stuff still piled up and got forgotten and I barely progressed on things that are important to me.
I know a lot of other people share the "faking being a responsible adult" feeling, and I can intellectualize it, and appreciate the company, but I'm still intimidated by the responsibility. Need to tap on some of that, and install feedback software for direction and reassurance.In a similar vein, looking for partners has stalled now and again for several reasons:
- There are dozens of potentials (see above about option overload). I know... there are probably 100 single women on my "friends" list in MyFace, and I meet possible partners around tango or work or various other functions, but I'm not really taking specific actions to know them better and I don't know where to start. I can extend this to the rest of the population, too; I meet coupled people or single men who seem really neat, but I rarely try to "get to know" new people (see above about possible schizoid). I do, of course, look forward to seeing them again at the next event.
- I'm rarely in a mindset of "on the prowl". While I'm obviously charming when I'm not trying to be, (and I have a folder full of "suggested matches" that I still have to check out) the lack of intention makes it impossible for me to specifically "meet someone", or if I do "meet someone" the way I tend to structure my time rarely lends itself to specifically making plans to "meet" the same "someone" later. And I end up missing opportunities to kiss people or ask for numbers or things in the same vein because... I dunno, see above about staircase spirit. For example, recently someone said, "That's a long story..." which I now recognize would have been the perfect time to say, "We should have dinner and you can tell me about it." D'oh!
- I still have blame and pain from my last relationship. Yes, it was over eight years now, and in theory I should be over it. Ah well.
- I'm averse to tentacles. That's probably a bad metaphor for several reasons, but that's kind of how it feels. I've had bad experiences with people who seemed interested in me right away, and it's uncomfortable when it's only one direction. With the instant ones especially, it seems like they're more interested in having "a boyfriend" than having me. Oh, my angry-seeming post at the end of March is about that feeling. I should probably examine my brainmeats on this one more closely, though. There isn't anything wrong with people being attracted to me faster than I expect, but it makes me suspicious.
Anywho. I do have a few "would be nice" things, but I can't list them here without changing the content rating of my journal. Here are absolute necessities for my partner (read started with "She has to..."):
- be single. (Until we partner, of course.)
- be relatively confident.
- be smart.
- be friendly to my affiliated cultures (including Christian, gay, geek, liberal, tango, the U.S., and "white").
- want to have children.
- be handsome. (Convert to "be very attractive to me" when we meet and start spending quality time together.)
- have the potential to be interested in me. (Convert to "be very interested in me" when we meet and start spending quality time together.)
- be free of toxic addictions (especially smoking).
- have a compassionate, gentle personality.
- be playful.
It seems like a lot, and I'm worried about the "too picky" label. But I'm pretty sure each individual item is reasonable.
... I'm not sure if I should go into the bonus content or not.
I have a very bad case of l'esprit d'escalier.
Also self blame. While I'm very fond of my s'mother's quote "Don't should on yourself", I need to remind myself of such more often. As it is, I bounce arguments around in my head for days afterwards, and still remember really nasty comments from years ago. Need more healing potions.Also of potential interest, posted on a friend's journal. Of course, we have to watch out for "Every psych student becomes a hypochondriac", but I identify with several of these. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorderAnother one I'm feeling... that I think I mentioned before... is option overload. It seems quite a few people know what they want to do when they grow up. Lots of my peers have higher degrees. What am I supposed to do?
Probably get rid of the "supposed to" pressure. Other than that, I'm slowly looking at a few things, and just sort of bobbing along until a choice (or more) is clear.
I also feel like I'm just barely making it from one day to the next. Not in a suicidal way, no worries there, but in that I don't feel like an adult, and I keep letting things slip through the cracks, and something I missed is going to end up biting me in the butt. Some of these actually have, already; a misunderstood phone contract and a credit card thing and a forgotten form have cost me hundreds of dollars, and there have been other things I've broken or lost due to negligence. Hell, my last car broke down because, in part, I didn't drive it often enough. And despite all my accomplishments and list-checking last year, some stuff still piled up and got forgotten and I barely progressed on things that are important to me.
I know a lot of other people share the "faking being a responsible adult" feeling, and I can intellectualize it, and appreciate the company, but I'm still intimidated by the responsibility. Need to tap on some of that, and install feedback software for direction and reassurance.In a similar vein, looking for partners has stalled now and again for several reasons:
- There are dozens of potentials (see above about option overload). I know... there are probably 100 single women on my "friends" list in MyFace, and I meet possible partners around tango or work or various other functions, but I'm not really taking specific actions to know them better and I don't know where to start. I can extend this to the rest of the population, too; I meet coupled people or single men who seem really neat, but I rarely try to "get to know" new people (see above about possible schizoid). I do, of course, look forward to seeing them again at the next event.
- I'm rarely in a mindset of "on the prowl". While I'm obviously charming when I'm not trying to be, (and I have a folder full of "suggested matches" that I still have to check out) the lack of intention makes it impossible for me to specifically "meet someone", or if I do "meet someone" the way I tend to structure my time rarely lends itself to specifically making plans to "meet" the same "someone" later. And I end up missing opportunities to kiss people or ask for numbers or things in the same vein because... I dunno, see above about staircase spirit. For example, recently someone said, "That's a long story..." which I now recognize would have been the perfect time to say, "We should have dinner and you can tell me about it." D'oh!
- I still have blame and pain from my last relationship. Yes, it was over eight years now, and in theory I should be over it. Ah well.
- I'm averse to tentacles. That's probably a bad metaphor for several reasons, but that's kind of how it feels. I've had bad experiences with people who seemed interested in me right away, and it's uncomfortable when it's only one direction. With the instant ones especially, it seems like they're more interested in having "a boyfriend" than having me. Oh, my angry-seeming post at the end of March is about that feeling. I should probably examine my brainmeats on this one more closely, though. There isn't anything wrong with people being attracted to me faster than I expect, but it makes me suspicious.
Anywho. I do have a few "would be nice" things, but I can't list them here without changing the content rating of my journal. Here are absolute necessities for my partner (read started with "She has to..."):
- be single. (Until we partner, of course.)
- be relatively confident.
- be smart.
- be friendly to my affiliated cultures (including Christian, gay, geek, liberal, tango, the U.S., and "white").
- want to have children.
- be handsome. (Convert to "be very attractive to me" when we meet and start spending quality time together.)
- have the potential to be interested in me. (Convert to "be very interested in me" when we meet and start spending quality time together.)
- be free of toxic addictions (especially smoking).
- have a compassionate, gentle personality.
- be playful.
It seems like a lot, and I'm worried about the "too picky" label. But I'm pretty sure each individual item is reasonable.
... I'm not sure if I should go into the bonus content or not.