Oh crap, here comes another one.
Looking for a new cohabitor, available from the middle of May. $500 per month plus half of utilities, East Decatur, separate bathroom, bedroom, and walk-in closet. Let me know if you have friends looking.As a touch of the unexpected, I’m not actually going to be here when my roommates leave, or for vetting of new roomies. If I don’t get anyone in the next two weeks, I’m going to have to skip it because I’m heading to Argentina for just over two weeks.
I think I might have overbought, but we’ll see what a telho costs. Also need to learn more Spanish.
Plans include ALL THE MILONGAS, some tango lessons, a bit of shopping (dance shoes (not to be worn right away), fedora, new jacket; possibly a suit if I’m feeling schmancy), food experiences, various sights/sites. Unlike previously planned Patagonia, I think I’ll be heading northward and visiting Iguazu national park for a few days.Spring is unquestionably here: As evidenced by returning geese, signs of deer, audible woodpeckers, song-shifting mockingbirds, and a pollen count in the 2000’s. I usually get the Peruvian Death Flu allergies in mid-March, but winter took a while to leave. The dead feeling hasn’t hit yet. Still monitoring the situation.This is one of those messages that won’t reach its intended audience. Fortunately, it means I expect I don’t have any readers (most of whom are friends) in this category. Unfortunately, it won’t do any good out here, other than preaching to the choir or mulling over something about which I already know my own ideas.
There are two problems with the so-called “nice guys”:
The first is the entitlement - while I love the idea of people giving me money wherever I go, I don’t expect it (hmm... potential future goal for development), and despite the fact that nobody’s ever made it rain for me, I’m not even mad. The only cases where I do expect people to give me things are when we already have an agreement. Sometimes the agreement is unspoken, as in relationships, but every good relationship depends on clear communication.
The second is the lack of honesty. Some people do the stereotypical “nice guy” things because they actually want to help someone. If the “nice guy” doesn’t make his interest clear, the person in whom he’s interested has no reason to assume the help and support aren’t for free. (See also: A friend asks me to water their plants while they’re on vacation, and when they get back I keep their ficus.)
This one didn’t actually start off about “nice guys”, they just sort of ended up being the prime example of what not to do. The take-home message for the audience is:
Being helpful without concern for reward is a good thing in most cases, if you have the resources to do so without becoming resentful.
Being helpful as a calculated risk... I know this sounds cynical, but even that can pay off, as long as one isn’t concerned about the specific shape of one’s karma. The community at large is filled with happier people, who are more prone to help others, which can end up with your good works returning to you threefold. And assuming the majority of the people you help aren’t leeches, they end up being more successful, and thereby more able to help you.
Being helpful with an expectation of a specific reward isn’t acceptable unless the reward is agreed-upon. However, this is another case where the specific shape could be malleable; if a nice guy (intentionally skipping the quotation marks) helps a friend out and lets the friend know he’s looking for dating opportunities, it gives the friend the option to consider oneself, or pass along to other single friends what a great guy the nice guy is, or... whathaveyou. Barring that, if the guy (not sure how to emphasize varying degree of niceness in this case) knows he’ll resent someone (admittedly, not always immediately identifiable) for not being sexually attracted to him, or later comes to realize it, everyone would be better off if he removed himself to a safe (and non-resentful) distance.In a post that is not at all connected to “nice guys” I swear...
I asked a married man for suggestions on dating stuff and his perspective on marriage.
About a month later, he wrote me back a two-page-plus response that included some helpful bits (building bridges, better communication, certain things I already want to improve), some zen help (“I can’t define it for you, you have to find it for yourself”) and a helluvalot of junk that made me angry. It seemed to boil down to, “You’re too counterculture, geeky, and/or poor”. Despite being in the best financial shape of my life, and having had girlfriends before.
On the upside, paying attention to what makes one angry can help one discover what one holds important. So that was useful.
... and then the vindication. That same week, as if to completely disprove the hypothesis, two geeky guys I know got engaged, I went on three dates, a few people have said I look cute (including one going so far as “eye candy” and “yummy”, which is new for me), another person gave me her number unexpectedly, and... basically, his critique was torn apart. Other than the things I wanted to change, and the zen help, which - I think changing my perspective is going to be one of the best things I can do for myself, partner or no.More in the axis of evil... so on the reader list, there are at least three of ye with whom I’ve had arguments. And I’m sure a few of ye are also aware of my difficulty with letting things go when I feel like something is “wrong”. There might be something about Cancer stereotypes here, but I also think there’s something found in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piaget's_theory_of_cognitive_development. As regards particular concepts, I think I might be stuck on Concrete Operational: I am right and they are wrong and I have to explain it to them until they understand how they are wrong. I’m not sure where to go with this realization, but I definitely need to do something so I don’t end up stressing myself out every few weeks.Sticking a note in here about the “peasant king” concept. More later.While Mum was in seminary, she kept coming back and raving about how interesting these classes were. Since spouses got free tuition, Dad started taking some of the classes. After a few classes, the dean called him and said, "You know, if you take this class and that class, and write a paper, you get a degree." This is why, while not ordained, my father is the proud recipient of a Master of Divinity.
I think I might have overbought, but we’ll see what a telho costs. Also need to learn more Spanish.
Plans include ALL THE MILONGAS, some tango lessons, a bit of shopping (dance shoes (not to be worn right away), fedora, new jacket; possibly a suit if I’m feeling schmancy), food experiences, various sights/sites. Unlike previously planned Patagonia, I think I’ll be heading northward and visiting Iguazu national park for a few days.Spring is unquestionably here: As evidenced by returning geese, signs of deer, audible woodpeckers, song-shifting mockingbirds, and a pollen count in the 2000’s. I usually get the Peruvian Death Flu allergies in mid-March, but winter took a while to leave. The dead feeling hasn’t hit yet. Still monitoring the situation.This is one of those messages that won’t reach its intended audience. Fortunately, it means I expect I don’t have any readers (most of whom are friends) in this category. Unfortunately, it won’t do any good out here, other than preaching to the choir or mulling over something about which I already know my own ideas.
There are two problems with the so-called “nice guys”:
The first is the entitlement - while I love the idea of people giving me money wherever I go, I don’t expect it (hmm... potential future goal for development), and despite the fact that nobody’s ever made it rain for me, I’m not even mad. The only cases where I do expect people to give me things are when we already have an agreement. Sometimes the agreement is unspoken, as in relationships, but every good relationship depends on clear communication.
The second is the lack of honesty. Some people do the stereotypical “nice guy” things because they actually want to help someone. If the “nice guy” doesn’t make his interest clear, the person in whom he’s interested has no reason to assume the help and support aren’t for free. (See also: A friend asks me to water their plants while they’re on vacation, and when they get back I keep their ficus.)
This one didn’t actually start off about “nice guys”, they just sort of ended up being the prime example of what not to do. The take-home message for the audience is:
Being helpful without concern for reward is a good thing in most cases, if you have the resources to do so without becoming resentful.
Being helpful as a calculated risk... I know this sounds cynical, but even that can pay off, as long as one isn’t concerned about the specific shape of one’s karma. The community at large is filled with happier people, who are more prone to help others, which can end up with your good works returning to you threefold. And assuming the majority of the people you help aren’t leeches, they end up being more successful, and thereby more able to help you.
Being helpful with an expectation of a specific reward isn’t acceptable unless the reward is agreed-upon. However, this is another case where the specific shape could be malleable; if a nice guy (intentionally skipping the quotation marks) helps a friend out and lets the friend know he’s looking for dating opportunities, it gives the friend the option to consider oneself, or pass along to other single friends what a great guy the nice guy is, or... whathaveyou. Barring that, if the guy (not sure how to emphasize varying degree of niceness in this case) knows he’ll resent someone (admittedly, not always immediately identifiable) for not being sexually attracted to him, or later comes to realize it, everyone would be better off if he removed himself to a safe (and non-resentful) distance.In a post that is not at all connected to “nice guys” I swear...
I asked a married man for suggestions on dating stuff and his perspective on marriage.
About a month later, he wrote me back a two-page-plus response that included some helpful bits (building bridges, better communication, certain things I already want to improve), some zen help (“I can’t define it for you, you have to find it for yourself”) and a helluvalot of junk that made me angry. It seemed to boil down to, “You’re too counterculture, geeky, and/or poor”. Despite being in the best financial shape of my life, and having had girlfriends before.
On the upside, paying attention to what makes one angry can help one discover what one holds important. So that was useful.
... and then the vindication. That same week, as if to completely disprove the hypothesis, two geeky guys I know got engaged, I went on three dates, a few people have said I look cute (including one going so far as “eye candy” and “yummy”, which is new for me), another person gave me her number unexpectedly, and... basically, his critique was torn apart. Other than the things I wanted to change, and the zen help, which - I think changing my perspective is going to be one of the best things I can do for myself, partner or no.More in the axis of evil... so on the reader list, there are at least three of ye with whom I’ve had arguments. And I’m sure a few of ye are also aware of my difficulty with letting things go when I feel like something is “wrong”. There might be something about Cancer stereotypes here, but I also think there’s something found in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piaget's_theory_of_cognitive_development. As regards particular concepts, I think I might be stuck on Concrete Operational: I am right and they are wrong and I have to explain it to them until they understand how they are wrong. I’m not sure where to go with this realization, but I definitely need to do something so I don’t end up stressing myself out every few weeks.Sticking a note in here about the “peasant king” concept. More later.While Mum was in seminary, she kept coming back and raving about how interesting these classes were. Since spouses got free tuition, Dad started taking some of the classes. After a few classes, the dean called him and said, "You know, if you take this class and that class, and write a paper, you get a degree." This is why, while not ordained, my father is the proud recipient of a Master of Divinity.