January 1, 2015
Sometimes, I'm scared.
I'm scared to disappoint everyone around me.
I'm scared to show how weak I am.
I'm scared to show my tears.
I'm scared of what would happen after I die.
I'm scared to die alone.
I'm scared that I'll forever be alone.
I'm scared of never having my dreams accomplished.
Sometimes I lay awake at night, thinking about life.
I think about what would happen if I were to be born in a different family.
A different nationality.
A different race.
A different time.
Even a different universe.
I don't want to be alone.
But I know that nobody would want me anyway.
I've never dated before.
I haven't lost my first kiss yet.
I'm lazy.
I'm moody.
I'm introverted.
I'm not successful.
Apparently, I set my standards too high.
I don't want to be anyone's one night stand.
I want someone who knows what they want in life.
I want someone who matches me.
Is that so hard to ask for?
I dream of getting married and having my own family one day.
Sometimes, I have dreams of being pregnant.
I wake up and cry while rubbing my belly.
Oh, how I want those dreams to become reality.
I'm jealous.
I'm so, so jealous of women who have children.
I want children too.
I really do.
I don't want to live the rest of my life alone.
I'm scared.
I'm scared to disappoint everyone around me.
I'm scared to show how weak I am.
I'm scared to show my tears.
I'm scared of what would happen after I die.
I'm scared to die alone.
I'm scared that I'll forever be alone.
I'm scared of never having my dreams accomplished.
Sometimes I lay awake at night, thinking about life.
I think about what would happen if I were to be born in a different family.
A different nationality.
A different race.
A different time.
Even a different universe.
I don't want to be alone.
But I know that nobody would want me anyway.
I've never dated before.
I haven't lost my first kiss yet.
I'm lazy.
I'm moody.
I'm introverted.
I'm not successful.
Apparently, I set my standards too high.
I don't want to be anyone's one night stand.
I want someone who knows what they want in life.
I want someone who matches me.
Is that so hard to ask for?
I dream of getting married and having my own family one day.
Sometimes, I have dreams of being pregnant.
I wake up and cry while rubbing my belly.
Oh, how I want those dreams to become reality.
I'm jealous.
I'm so, so jealous of women who have children.
I want children too.
I really do.
I don't want to live the rest of my life alone.
I'm scared.