This is me, trying to cope
These are the things I want in my life:
I want to teach children.
I want to get married.
I want to have children.
This is what I got:
Two more years of college, on top of the four years I already have done. I don't even get to go in an elementary class room this semester.
A boyfriend who has already been engaged once. It doesn't seem right to bring it up for quite a while.
He's already committed himself to the US Army. Who knows when he might be gone for a year or more?
I'm not going to be having children probably until I'm in my 30's, when I can even attempt to support them, so I should stop thinking about it.
I know I shouldn't be complaining. I'm just getting so damn impatient! It was so frustrating when my advisor told me that I wouldn't be graduating next year. But I know I can handle going to boring classes, writing the damn papers, and spending two more years at MSU. And I know I shouldn't be thinking about marriage and children and family so much, I'm still young and I can have plenty of fun as a single young woman.
But this still leaves me with a great big worry in my life that I haven't quite figured out yet. How to you live with knowing that a man you love, more than you have ever loved anyone before, may be sent away to some horrible country half way around the world, to fight in a war you don't even believe in, and get shot at on a daily basis, where he can get injured or worse, and not only that he will be shooting at other people, who have lives of their own which could be ended by his hand? AAAAHHHH!!!!
I kinda broke down in tears randomly last night, and I finally told John about how worried I am about the inevitable deployment. He told me that he's been trained well, and his fellow soldiers would do anything to keep him safe, so I shouldn't worry about him. And that I should get in touch with other people who are going through the same thing as me. Or at least stick close to my friends and let them help me. That makes me sad, because I don't have a lot of people I can just tell all this to. I feel alone. The ladies I met in the FRG (family readiness group) were all really nice, but I'm so shy I don't know how I could just randomly call up some person I don't know. I suppose if I really needed to, I would, but what do I do now when it is just waiting?
Waiting, waiting, waiting... I think something fun and exciting needs to happen to get my mind off of all this crap.
I want to teach children.
I want to get married.
I want to have children.
This is what I got:
Two more years of college, on top of the four years I already have done. I don't even get to go in an elementary class room this semester.
A boyfriend who has already been engaged once. It doesn't seem right to bring it up for quite a while.
He's already committed himself to the US Army. Who knows when he might be gone for a year or more?
I'm not going to be having children probably until I'm in my 30's, when I can even attempt to support them, so I should stop thinking about it.
I know I shouldn't be complaining. I'm just getting so damn impatient! It was so frustrating when my advisor told me that I wouldn't be graduating next year. But I know I can handle going to boring classes, writing the damn papers, and spending two more years at MSU. And I know I shouldn't be thinking about marriage and children and family so much, I'm still young and I can have plenty of fun as a single young woman.
But this still leaves me with a great big worry in my life that I haven't quite figured out yet. How to you live with knowing that a man you love, more than you have ever loved anyone before, may be sent away to some horrible country half way around the world, to fight in a war you don't even believe in, and get shot at on a daily basis, where he can get injured or worse, and not only that he will be shooting at other people, who have lives of their own which could be ended by his hand? AAAAHHHH!!!!
I kinda broke down in tears randomly last night, and I finally told John about how worried I am about the inevitable deployment. He told me that he's been trained well, and his fellow soldiers would do anything to keep him safe, so I shouldn't worry about him. And that I should get in touch with other people who are going through the same thing as me. Or at least stick close to my friends and let them help me. That makes me sad, because I don't have a lot of people I can just tell all this to. I feel alone. The ladies I met in the FRG (family readiness group) were all really nice, but I'm so shy I don't know how I could just randomly call up some person I don't know. I suppose if I really needed to, I would, but what do I do now when it is just waiting?
Waiting, waiting, waiting... I think something fun and exciting needs to happen to get my mind off of all this crap.