im gone..
warning...do not read if you don't like to read people whine and bitch
these past few days have been stressful for me. i have just had so much shit built up that i have and still need to get out. sometimes i feel like my family doesn't thank me enough for the things i do for them. for example, my mom...2 of our dogs just had puppies and i had to babysit them because one of the moms is sick and so the other mom is feeding it...so i have done that plenty of times, and i don't even get a "oh thank you kayla for taking care of the dogs" i get a "kayla check on the dogs" when she comes home or whatever. don't get me wrong, i love my mom and i can TALK to her about ANYTHING literally. just sometimes i just feel like that shes not thankful for what i do. and the other day she blew up at me in steinmart, which just really upset me b/c she didn't have a reason to. i still do not have my permit b/c she hasn't taken me downtown to get my social security card that either her or my dad lost, but they told me that i lost it tho i have never seen it in my whole life. we've had the social secuirty application for WEEKS now and its just sittin there with a magnet holding it on the fridge. theres really no point of me even getting it, cause i won't get a car. thats what she yelled at me about in steinmark b/c i found a car that was only around $3000. i am the only one out of me, my sister and my brother who is actually gonna be getting a core 40 dipolma...hell neither of them got on worth having. i haven't done anything to make them not be able to trust me. haven't gotten arrest, haven't snuck out, yes i have done drugs but my mom knows that, haven't stolen, haven't got extremley plastered or anything like that. i just don't understand. see my brother was able to have a car, and then when he went to college my sister got to drive it, but i won't have a car to drive. i really want to get a job but the only way there is for my mom to take me and i cannot count on her. several times she was late picking me up from somewhere, school, the mall, ortho, friends house ect. shes just forgetful. i feel bad for "Doggin?" on my mom but its just how it is. we have a great relationship, we really do. i tell her everything that has gone on in my life. and like both of my parents say we don't have any money and that we are broke but we just bought a second house in montana, which no one is living at currently. so its kinda pointless for now. ugh i just dunno. in the past 2 days i have cried now 4 times, and trust me, its been a long while since that has happend to me. theres just so much going on right now.
i am leaving tomorrow at like 6 in the morning to drive to CT to visit my dad who i haven't seen for 4 months b/c he has been working in nyc, along with my sister, my brother and my sisters boyfriend. 12 hour car ride from hell. i dunno if i will be able to take a long car ride w/my sister. i dunno if i should be looking forward to it, i'll prolly just be bored of my ass talking w/my grandparents as then preach to me about how i dress or how i act b/c they are johova witnesses (lame)
ali is leaving thursday to see her boyfriend in england and she is going to be gone for a month so i won't be seeing her for awhile. i'll miss her, she'll have a blast.
i really wish i could of hung out w/evan today, but one of his friends is in town who he hasn't seen in a while so i understand that. i'll see him when i get back tho ♥
i really hope she doesn't hate me, you know i am truly sorry for making her upset, and i feel like shit about it
'Show me, show me, show me How you do that trick The one that makes me scream,' she said 'The one that makes me laugh,' she said And threw her arms around my neck 'Show me how you do it And I promise you, I promise that I'll run away with you ... I'll run away with you...' i am so in love with you.